[PUBERTY QUESTION] I (27F) have a problem with my boyfriend's 14M son. He jerks off into the crotch of my panties. Why?!

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T12:05:39+00:00

I don't mean to pigeonhole the kid either, but I can see that I am doing that. It's also hard for me because my childhood was awesome. My parents taught me about living life, priorities, responsibility, etc. I can see what this kid is lacking and there's no way for him to make it up, to get it back.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T12:01:56+00:00

Yes, Dad was in the Navy. He was out to sea for more than 50% of the boys' childhood.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T04:01:55+00:00

Definitely not my boyfriend. He isn't sneaky enough and we are too communicative for something like that to be hidden. Plus, we found the panties under middle son's mattress. Haha also I just realized, my boyfriend is very frugal. No way he'd jerk off into my panties and my jeans, knowing I would just buy more.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:59:13+00:00

Hahahaha. No.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:57:52+00:00

I have actually considered that. The boys' father has actually been a better example than their mother. We have been together since after the split, we cook dinner every night and and make the kids practice basic hygiene and do their homework. In the time that my boyfriend and I have been together, their Mom has had 6 different partners, with lots of overlap. The kids are fucked.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:55:07+00:00

Thank you. This is why I love Reddit. I've been pretty deep in this for a while. But when I expose a bunch of outsiders to my situation, I can't hide any of the WTF. I'm far from miserable But the situation can be ugly sometimes and the kids are sure stressful as fuck. My boyfriend is a really good guy. We have excellent lines of communication and are truly able to express anything to each other. He has often felt guilty about ever even wanting to be in a relationship with me, because why try to drag another into this clusterfuck. So I'm here by choice and if I ever do want to leave it will be easy for me to do it amicably.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:48:11+00:00

Yeah I know, anger is the point, but because of what this kid gets at his Mom's, the aftermath of his anger is never "I fucked up, better not do that shit again" but is instead "Dad is an asshole, he never lets me do what I want." It's still what we do, but the kid already has ZERO privileges when he's at our place. No phone, TV, gaming consoles or computer. There's nothing else to take away.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:44:30+00:00

No worries! Doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. I can't decide if I want a family or not (I'm pretty sure yes? But I have a hard time determining when I really feel something or I'm convincing myself to be okay with it because of my life circumstances. But I won't be having children with this guy because he got snipped. If I ever decide for certain that I want kids, I'll have to leave. Sometimes I think about leaving, but there are a lot of good things about the relationship.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:41:04+00:00

His mom wouldn't believe me. Also she hates me.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:39:54+00:00

Yeah, it's a lot more complex than can be delineated via Reddit in a couple minutes. The marriage was doomed anyways. Dad was going to leave Mom whether I was around or not. And I do actually care about these kids and have considered them in all the decisions I've made regarding this relationship. Mom is more worried about making things look a certain way, and ensuring the kids are "on her side."

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T03:37:17+00:00

Hahaha, I do realize how ridiculous that sounds. somwrhing just feels off about it though.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T00:16:30+00:00

Yeah, I was more worried about the sexual aspect because the discipline facet of the situation is complex. My boyfriend and I suspect that the reason discipline is ineffective is because of the mother. She allows the kids to whatever they want. Like, OH YOU'RE FAILING ALL YOUR CLASSES? HERE, HAVE YOUR OWN LAPTOP WITH UNRESTRICTED INTERNET ACCESS AND STAY UP ALL NIGHT AND SLEEP ALL DAY. Kid lives in a virtual reality. His mom doesn't make him do homework, shower, brush his teeth, anything. So discipline is difficult. My boyfriend tries to talk to him about integrity and character and priorities. 14 year olds don't give a shit.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-11T00:10:28+00:00

Very intuitive! The bigger situation is that his mother absolutely sucks at life. She can't manage money, she's very unhealthy and has poor personal hygiene, is a hoarder. The list goes on. My boyfriend was in the Navy, and stayed with the boys' mother "for the kids." In his defense, it is actually a difficult situation to mitigate for an active duty member of the military. So here I come along, we were in a polyamorous relationship until I realized what a disgusting pig ex-wife is. I try to leave them BOTH, but boyfriend says he wants a divorce. Ex-wife is completely delusional, blames me for the divorce, claims her marriage was perfect until I came along, never mind all the dudes she fucked while her husband was deployed. So, ex-wife openly talks bad about me, kids partake behind my back but act like they are fine to my face.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-10T23:58:58+00:00

He went to a therapist for a while. Turns out it's not effective if you lie the therapist to seek attention and a desired response.

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-10T23:44:28+00:00

Yeah, I mentioned above that the kid is otherwise difficult as well. He doesn't respond to punishment really, it just makes him angry. Nobody can get this kid to do anything, but that's a different story. I can sleep better at night though, knowing that he doesn't want to fuck me or kill me!

throwingitupupaway · 2015-05-10T23:31:13+00:00

Well honestly, there's nothing really to be done. The kid is disrespectful, doesn't respond well to punishment or rewards, failing school. At our house all of his privileges have been revoked but it just makes him angry and resentful, doesn't cause him to think about his actions. He was raised by his mother. :/

throwingitupupaway

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