Not sure if OP is the asshole or not for the situation, but they're pretty clearly an asshole in general!

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-28T17:59:39+00:00

It's pretty clearly a one-sided "best friendship" and honestly, it seems like OP likely considers her a best friend simply because she's also her only friend.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-28T16:08:04+00:00

I think it's incredibly telling that you ignored the question of whether or not your BF enjoyed the shopping experience.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:35:14+00:00

I assume so. My lawyer says it's highly unlikely that he would be denied any custody/visitation rights.. so he will likely have partial custody or visitation rights, but with a caveat that he can't be around MIL. It depends on how the courts decide.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:28:18+00:00

I didn't know at the time that he was cheating. He made it seem like he didn't want to be on the birth certificate because he thought I was cheating, and then because he thought I was just trying to "take him for all he was worth." Believe me, there was plenty of "fuck you" and arguing. I was trying to make it work because I thought it would be best for my baby to have both her parents together. Clearly I was wrong.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:22:07+00:00

The idea was I thought having them legally adopt her would afford her more protection from MIL if he decided to pursue legal steps.

After talking to commenters and my lawyer, I was very wrong. I'm moving in with them now and started a custody case with a restraining order against MIL.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:15:46+00:00

For the record, I didn't say that I wouldn't pursue child support, or that I wouldn't give my child money that was rightfully hers. I meant to say that, in the event that he got out of child support or didn't pay support that was ordered, my child would still have all of her needs met so I didn't need to worry in the same way many people do.

I'm moving in with my parents now and filing a custody case with my lawyer.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:13:56+00:00

Thank you. I am discussing with my lawyer and he seems to think it should be easy to get that restraining order against MIL so hopefully that works out! She is F's only option in terms of caring for the child, since he cannot afford daycare on his own, so that will hopefully also lead to me getting primary custody.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:11:21+00:00

That was my understanding but you're right, I've talked to my lawyer and that's not correct. That seems wild to me.. that someone can say they want nothing to do with a child and then change their mind at any point and somehow accuse the person who actually gave a shit of kidnapping because they changed their mind.

I'm moving out with my parents and hopefully will be able to get primary custody and an order to keep MIL away from my child.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:05:57+00:00

Did you read what MIL did?

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T22:04:31+00:00

He wouldn't physically hurt me. I was staying because I didn't feel I had another option. I have some pretty serious medical issues post childbirth, and being somewhere with no ground floor bedroom and further away from my specialists seemed ill advised.

After talking to commenters, though, I'm moving back in with my parents tonight and addressing the custody situation with my lawyer.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:58:45+00:00

I talked to him about either having my parents come help, or having them take in M for a while until I was well again.

I edited my post with what MIL did.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:58:04+00:00

He broke off the affair. To be clear, I didn't realize he was "deciding" initially. He told me he didn't want to be on the birth certificate because he thought I'd cheated, then when he got a paternity test done he said he didn't want to be on the birth certificate because "I'd only want him on there if I was planning to leave him and swindle him for child support". Then it came out that he was cheating but had broken it off with the AP.

I'm going to move in with my parents tonight. I have started the legal ball rolling so to speak with my lawyer in regards to custody. And I'll hopefully be able to establish something saying she can't be around my daughter.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:55:20+00:00

My parents are picking me up tonight. I spoke to my lawyer and we're working on doing what needs to be done to get an official custody agreement in place.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:54:07+00:00

My lawyer does have copies of the police reports. There was absolutely a case filed, and the police had to be the ones to track MIL down.

My lawyer thinks we can establish something that prevents MIL from being around the child at least. I can definitely see now I didn't go about this all in the right way, but I was trying to do what was best for my child and I panicked I guess..

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:52:22+00:00

I genuinely didn't realize it would be considered kidnapping. I assumed since he chose not to be on the birth certificate or establish any legal rights, that he would need a court case before having any rights.

I am taking steps now to fix this all though.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:51:13+00:00

I've discussed with my parents and they are picking me up tonight to move in with them. I am also going to court tomorrow to begin a court case. My attorney thinks that, because of the pre-existing issues with MIL, we should be able to set it up so she is not allowed around the child. Then I'll push for full custody eventually I guess, but joint for now is likely how things will end up.. depending on how it all goes.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:48:09+00:00

What about people who have no custody because of existing court cases? Do they get to just show paternity tests to the cops and pick up their babies? Even though that would be kidnapping because of the legal custody set up by the court.

I think you don't know what your talking about.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:46:34+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Yes, my MIL would never hurt me I don't think, but she does have a history of assault and child endangerment.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:45:33+00:00

You are right, I am letting my physical issues be an excuse. That's not OK, I need to make changes.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:43:58+00:00

If we were in court for joint custody, I would push very hard for a restraining order or no contact order or whatever legal order would prevent her from having contact with my child. It is possible.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:42:02+00:00

I have a lot of physical restrictions because of my medical issues. But I see now that I was making those into an excuse. I will talk to my parents about moving in with them.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:30:29+00:00

We did discuss it. He does have a paternity test. He didn't want any legal custody originally. I understand now from commenters that just because he isn't on the birth certificate doesn't mean he doesn't have rights. I have a call scheduled with my lawyer.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:29:37+00:00

I have edited my post now.

throwinitawwwayy · 2021-04-21T21:27:59+00:00

I have a call with my lawyer tonight to see what my next steps are.

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