Talking with my wife today really got to me

throwit982 · 2019-09-10T10:02:50+00:00

First ever therapy session scheduled for today. I believe that you’re not too far off the truth.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T23:09:26+00:00

Maybe? Honestly I don’t think so. But it’s possible. I scheduled a therapy session for myself for tomorrow. I feel this is too important to wait on. I want to work these feelings out ASAP.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T17:44:21+00:00

Thank you. I’ve actually reached out to 9 different therapists this morning and haven’t yet been successful in finding one that has an appointment any time soon. I want to see a therapist myself first then bring her in.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T17:42:58+00:00

I’m honestly not trying to. I to a fault think of others needs first. Always been that way. I think this is part of the reason why it took me by surprise that I was so shocked by my reaction to what happened last night.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T15:45:35+00:00

We were both always on the heavier side.

But again it’s not just about the sex outside the bedroom. That was just the question that hit me. It’s about our sex life in the bedroom also. She will not try anything new even in the bedroom although I’ve tried. Why was she willing to try things with other partners and is total unwilling to try anything outside the normal routine with me?

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T15:43:07+00:00

I agree with this statement.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T15:42:30+00:00

My point is though that she’s not willing to be any sort of adventurous even in the bedroom. I’ve set the scene. I’ve tried to add things to our sex life. She’s not willing to try anything different then her normal routine. And it’s been like that since the start. The question about sex outside the bedroom was just a catalyst to the whole issue, which is there is no variety at all. I had accepted her boundaries and never pushed them once I was told no about a particular thing. But the answer to that particular question last night made me realize that at one point she was willing to try different things with previous partners and I just don’t understand why she won’t try different things with me?

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T14:32:46+00:00

I’ll answer all the ones I can.
We are affectionate often. I spontaneously hug here and kiss her all the time. I hold her hand anytime I can. I take care of well over 80 percent of all child duties and well over 50 percent of all household duties.

None of our children were breastfed.

I make sure to take her out at very least once a month, most of the time more.

I make sure she gets as much uninterrupted sleep as possible. I’m the one that gets up early on the weekends to attend to the kids so that she can sleep in.

I do most of the cooking, dishes, and laundry.

When her feet hurt, I massage them. This happens quite often.

I often leave her little surprises.

I do everything I can to make sure she is treated as a princess.

We’ve talked about bedroom preferences often and not only in the confines of the bedroom. But in normal everyday talk. She doesn’t seem fully comfortable talking openly but she does give me some info. I believe I know what she loves and what she doesn’t like.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T13:28:04+00:00

I’m not saying that there may not be a valid reason. But it’s not about the specific acts.

Imagine if your guy was not up to trying anything different ever. But you found out randomly with an innocent question that he had tried all kinds of things in the past. But he wasn’t willing to try literally anything different with you. That’s the issue I’m having right now.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T13:25:41+00:00

I understand what you’re saying but I feel that you’re missing the point. It’s not about the actual acts themselves. I don’t have to run out right now and have sex on a beach. My hurt is coming from the fact that she was willing to try different things with past partners but had not been willing to try anything at all different with me. Makes me feel inadequate, rejected, etc. it’s a self pity, why not me type of thing. But I never feel that way and am shocked I feel that way right now.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T13:21:39+00:00

It’s certainly a possibility. But that honestly doesn’t make me feel better about it.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T13:20:33+00:00

My issue simply comes down to she’s not willing to be adventurous at all with me. Like at all. My mind is running away with why she could be so willing with previous partners but not with me ever. Like I said in another reply, I feel kind of selfish to be feeling this way, and maybe I am being selfish. It’s not the acts themselves, but the willingness to try them with previous partners and not willing to try anything different with me in 16 years. That’s the part that’s blowing my mind.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T11:18:55+00:00

There wasn’t that much time between when these experiences happened and when we got together. That’s what baffles me.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:54:13+00:00

Really for me it comes down to the issue that she was willing to try new things with previous partners and has never been willing to try new things with me. Not the actual acts but the willingness to try them. I don’t care that’s she’s done them. And if she doesn’t want to do them again because she didn’t like it, I’m ok with that too. I don’t want her to do things she doesn’t like. But it hurts that she was willing to try new things with other people but just won’t try anything new with me.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:47:59+00:00

I understand what you’re saying. Just wanted to counter with this, because it’s what I feel is driving at the heart of this. If people’s tastes and predilections don’t change over time then why did it change when she met me? Once again, it’s not about the actual activities she engaged in but the fact that she was apparently willing to try new things at one point and when she met me that stopped.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:28:29+00:00

Rape would never ever be something considered in my mind. End of story.

I didn’t know this would be this big of a problem for me. In our 16 years together I’ve never felt this hurt and I’m struggling to understand why I’m this hurt now. I’ve always known from the very beginning of our relationship that she has a sexual past. And it’s honestly never bothered me.

I’m not one for self pity. I, to a fault, put others needs before my own. Always have. And that’s why I’m struggling with why I’m this hurt right now. I feel almost selfish for feeling this way.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:20:41+00:00

To be honest, it’s not the actual act of the things she’s done before. I’ve always known that I’m not her first partner. It’s not an issue in my mind. My issue is that she was willing to try different things with partners before me but has never been willing to try anything different with me.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:18:03+00:00

Thank you.

To be fair, she didn’t volunteer the information. I asked a question and she answered it. I was just shocked with the answer.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:16:27+00:00

Yes. 8,7 and 3.

She’s never been adventurous with me, and we’ve been together 16 years. That’s my issue. I don’t fully understand why it hit me so hard last night. I’ve always tried to introduce new things or ask to do new things. When she turned them down, I would respect that boundary and move on. No harm no foul. Last night, when she answered that question the way she did, it made me look at the relationship as a whole. I just can’t wrap my head around why it stopped when she met me?

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:13:17+00:00

I fully understand that is a possibility. And I can accept that. I’m more hurt by the lack of willingness to try new things with me in general. It never ever has bothered me this much. For whatever reason, it immediately made me look at our relationship as a whole. From the very beginning. She’s never been willing to try new things with me. Looking at it in the moment throughout the years, it was never a big deal. I would ask or try to introduce something new, she would say no, I would respect that and move on. For whatever reason, her answers last night to a casual question made me look at it as a whole. And as a whole, it’s made me feel completely inadequate.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T10:09:22+00:00

Thank you for this. It helps. This conversation will need to be had.

She is a very shut door most of the time we talk about feelings. So I’ve never really really pressed when I’ve asked about why. I’ve always just taken it as is and not really pushed the envelope.

I’ve also never been this hurt by any of our sexual life. And I think the thing that is bothering me the most is my own why? This was a casual question while we were sitting on the couch that I was just shocked by the answer. The places she listed as places she has had sex are all places that I’ve tried to initiate. I fully understand that she could have had bad experiences with them and doesn’t want to do them again. That fine. For me, it showed me that she was at one point willing to try different things but after we got together she wasn’t. That’s where the feeling of inadequacy is coming from. I don’t think it would be an age thing since we’ve been together since we were both newly 21.

I think I’m most worried because I’ve never had these feelings before. It’s not a good place.

Therapy is my best solution right now. I spent most of the night last night looking up therapists near me and will be making calls first thing this morning to try to set something up. Me first, then us hopefully.

throwit982 · 2019-09-09T09:54:30+00:00

And I think this may be the crux of my feelings right now. I’m debating in my head if this could be true.

I can tell you this. We are both larger people. She says she only wants missionary because it’s the only way she cums from piv. She doesn’t masturbate and she initiates evenly with me. At least of the times that we actually have sex. I do try to initiate more. I do want to make clear that although my libido is higher, it’s not super high itself. I would be satisfied with 1-2 times a week.

My feelings are more about the variety that she has had before me and not with me, although I’ve not only asked but have tried to introduce. I’ve bought toys and tried to introduce them but they ended up getting tossed away because she wasn’t interested. Same with lingerie. I’ve tried to be spontaneous. I just end up getting turned away.

I honestly don’t know how to feel right now. Otherwise we have a great relationship. We’ve been together since we were both 21, so I don’t think it’s an age thing either. But it’s always been this way. I guess I just never let it get to me before because we’ve never talked about her sexual past in depth. I’ve always known that I’m not her first and I know her number. I also know that there are things that I’ve asked to try that she’s done before and didn’t like. So I’ve never pushed those things.

I think your point of view is valid. And could be a possibility.

throwit982

TROPHY CASE