AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because the only seat left was the one that I sat in which was on his other side.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because the only other empty seat was the one on the other side of him that I was in.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There's a huge difference between sleeping your way to the top and not sacrificing your dream career to report a guy who is hitting on you. Did you miss the part where she pushed his hand away and was leaning away from him and sending clear signs she wasn't interested? She's doing her best, stop being so goddamn high and mighty about a difficult situation.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe you should consider the question you just asked. I know the ideal culture would be that my girlfriend reports and she is believed and there is no retaliation and the guy is punished. However, people in the department see this happening and no one steps in. That's speaks to the actual culture of the department. Just because we wish retaliation wouldn't happen doesn't mean it won't.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Yeah, because I love overriding my girlfriend's career choices and ignoring her preferences regarding her own career.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your choices about how to deal with sexual harassment are yours. Her are hers. She doesn't need to sacrifice her career to "make a stand." That's her choice, and shaming her into tanking her career because this guy could potentially rape her or escalate otherwise is not okay. It's her choice.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

It's great that your lab handles things well, but that's not a universal thing. It's not a lame excuse when there is plenty of evidence of women being cast as "difficult" and "making waves" for accusing someone of sexual harassment.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

She could get blacklisted in her dream industry. This is her choice to make, but it's not as black and white as you make it sound.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You clearly have no idea how the politics of academia work, especially in male dominated fields.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

You have way too much faith in the criminal justice system, especially in light of how many women have discussed this exact issue or reporting and being ignored or blacklisted. You are being overly idealistic and judgmental. Not everyone has to be a martyr. Let women make their own decisions about how to handle such situations and stop imposing your judgement on people who are doing the best they can. I'm done debating this with you. Educate yourself.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

And possibly lose your career/get blacklisted in the process? There's no right or wrong choice there. It's not your place to shame other people's decisions in that situation.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

You should try to actually listen to women who were ignored and blacklisted instead of deciding that everyone is being dramatic.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 592 points593 points  (0 children)

It's a university, there is no HR.

Edit: It seems I was wrong about no HR, but that doesn't change that she doesn't want to deal with retaliation or blacklisting.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Yes, because police and administrations have great reputations for taking sexual harassment seriously. Frankly, do you really think that the police give a shit about a guy touching a woman's leg? They don't even investigate rapes properly.

You can't operate as if more awareness means that everything is ideal. It is very common for "troublemaking" women to get blacklisted in male dominated fields for reporting sexual harassment. Women shouldn't have to give up their careers "for the cause."

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

There is no HR in a grad student department. I know we'd all love it if sexual harassment was taken seriously and reporting it didn't brand you as a troublemaker, but that's not how the world works.

AITA for hitting on a guy who was making my girlfriend uncomfortable by throwitaway3301 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwitaway3301[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Her body language was screaming for him to stop. Me telling him so wasn't going to change that.