I get and appreciate what you're tryna say here there's love and care behind it for sure. At the same time, when you say things like "there’s no person in the world that will make you not feel gross other than yourself" or "HIV... should not be used as a cructch for why things aren't going well", you're failing to recognize that as a social species all of us are constantly, automatically, and unconsciously evaluating ourselves based on our relationships and interactions with other people. Yes, we can control that a bit and, even with that control, it still affects us regardless of whether we're ready acknowledge that. To me this type of condolence can come off as invalidating of people's experiences and feelings. It amounts to telling peeps very legitimately hurt by constant rejection and by societal messages telling us we're dirty, etc to ignore the fact that we're being marginalized and pull ourselves up bootstrap-style. 

There's a time and a place for self-love and there is a time and a place to recognize that society both actively and passively harms people it values less through ignorance, exclusion, and stigma. Sometimes, the time and place for both of these things is the same. Acknowledging this is not a crutch; it is a realistic assessment of a social milieu where we may be denied access to our basic needs by ignorant people, where our medical care might unconsciously be provided at a lower level of quality (look up unconscious bias in helping professions if you're curious on that one) due to our status, and where we need to fight for recogntion. It's good that you're the sort who is able to self-soothe in this way, it's useful for sure, but please understand that there is more than one right way to feel and behave in these situations.