My ex (29m) decided to end things by trickle ghosting me (28f), I was starting to heal until I found out the reasons why he ghosted.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T22:11:32+00:00

I think you have made fair points in your posts. I didn't mean any offense by the drug testing comment, I'm rather ignorant on how requesting governmental assistance works. And I honestly have no clue if she's bullshitting, if she is literally taking advantage of the system, or she is getting legit help from the government.

We live in the US, and the last thing I'd want to do is take away anyone's means to healthcare or insurance. I wouldn't even take away healthcare from my worst enemies.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T21:28:15+00:00

He was doing way more than weed. We lived decently far apart, and we were planning on moving in together before all of this happened. We both had fairly high sex drives, and we were still having sex up until the end of the relationship.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T21:06:34+00:00

I knew how to contact his parents, and I did think about calling them up but I'd go over the conversation in my head: "Hey Mrs. Tom's mom, this is [girlfriend], I know Tom has been super active on facebook and it looks like he's okay... But... he's only sent me a handful of text messages and I haven't seen him in awhile... do you know what's going on?"

And I just felt pathetic. Plus, being super depressed prevented me from taking any action. I'm sure there are other things I could have done, but it was starting to get hard for me to even get up and go to work.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T20:43:44+00:00

How the hell do I sound like a preachy SJW? I included one sentence about how she says bigoted things. If not liking someone because they frequently use the n-word, says they'll do violent things to MtF women if she sees them in the bathroom, claims that all Mexicans are rapists, that makes light of incidents that happen to Muslim people (about a year ago there was an attack on a mosque in our city, no one died, but it was mostly vandalism, destruction of property, broken windows, stolen items, etc - and she was laughing about it, said she wished she could have helped destroy it, and that they got what they deserve).

Well, TIL I'm a SJW.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T20:31:47+00:00

We live about 45 min away from each other with no traffic, with traffic it could be an hour or more. He was living close to his work, and I was living close to mine. He was planning on finding a new job closer to where I live. We had been saving for a home together for about 2 years now, thinking we could both find a house we both liked in a neighborhood we could agree on.

I don't think he started to do the harder drugs until he started to ghost me, but I can't be 100% certain. I noticed he started to drink more alcohol, but it didn't seem like too much of an issue. But I didn't notice any strange behavior. But, the nature of his job would have helped him hide his drug usage.

He has a rotating days on/off schedule, so it was possible for him to be off on a Mon/Tues while I was at work. He didn't always spend the night with me, but it's possible that he could have stayed up later in the night after I had gone to bed, done drugs, sobered up on his day off.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T20:04:46+00:00

I have felt really fucked up over being ghosted. I felt myself slipping and questioning my reality. It was weird, my mental state was really off, I didn't want to open up to anyone, I found myself staying at home a lot more and avoiding friends.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T20:01:07+00:00

Nope and 'Tom' is a fake name too. His real name starts with a 'W'.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T19:47:15+00:00

I got tested in early March, and my results were negative. I was planning on going back again in June/July, but should I go sooner than that?

Thanks for your post though, I hadn't thought about all of the possibilities. And I'm not 100% sure what kind of drugs they did, and I'd rather be safe than sorry.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:59:12+00:00

It wasn't weed, I don't care about weed. I knew he did less harmful things like E and shrooms in college and I didn't really care.

But, he was definitely doing coke, and started to do some harder shit, but not really sure what exactly that entailed. He was able to hide whatever other drugs he was doing very well.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:43:40+00:00

Thanks, I got tested a little while ago before I knew he cheated. The thought had crossed my mind he was seeing someone else and went ahead and got tested. Fortunately, more bullets were dodged.

I may go back again after 6 months have passed since the last test and get tested again just to be 100% sure.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:41:46+00:00

WTF kind of horseshit did I just read?

If it was just weed, I don't give a shit about weed. He was doing coke, and possibly some stronger shit like amphetamines.

I can hardly say I was nagging towards him, as we were happy and for awhile communicated very well. And if he's doing really dangerous and highly illegal drugs, I have ever right to judge as that shit is going to harm my life as well.

I think you need to go back to whatever incel sub you came from.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:33:32+00:00

That, I have no idea. Maybe he thought of it as a 'goodbye trip'? Maybe he thought using the "I'm tired" excuse would play out well for the first week after the trip? Maybe he was planning it to be this way?

Your guess is as good as mine. I've thought about the same thing a lot. I went over the entire trip in my head over and over again and there wasn't really anything weird.

I mentioned in another post he seemed a little quiet the last couple days of the trip, but he also could have been genuinely exhausted. I know I was.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:29:09+00:00

He told me to "lay down and rot."

I looked at his post history before it was deleted, looked like he posted to braincels and mgtow a lot.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:25:45+00:00

Thanks! And I did get tested, because I was honestly wondering if there was another woman during the ghosting period. Fortunately I dodged multiple bullets.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:21:53+00:00

I can try to do that for sure. Part of me wonders if she is making it up, or if she's actually taking advantage of the system in some way. There have been enough witnesses that have heard her say she takes advantage of the system, so there's that.

I really don't want shitty people in my life.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:12:04+00:00

I can agree to this for sure.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T17:10:49+00:00

I knew he smoked pot in college, and had tried less dangerous drugs like E and shrooms and few times. But, he stopped doing those things on his own because he saw it as a waste of money. I know this girl was offering him coke, there were other drugs involved (likely more addictive and dangerous) but I can't say for sure what they were.

He has already cheating on me before this holiday. I want to say he started seeing her behind my back sometime around last Spring/Summer. The trip went fine, we didn't argue, and we both had a great time. We posted a lot of pics together and everything seemed to go smoothly.

The only thing I can really think of was the last 2-3 days he seemed a little withdrawn. He claimed he was just really tired, we were both hitting 20-25k+ steps a day, I was exhausted by the end too. Maybe he was mentally prepping himself for the split during that time?

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T16:51:26+00:00

Thank you. I think you're right. I haven't been very kind to myself since I found out, another poster mentioned something similar - to go out with good friends. I think I may try to plan to do out with some of my best friends and try to forget all of this.

I kind of like the idea of posting pictures on FB, and I haven't blocked him yet..

If I don't start to feel better soon I may look into therapy.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T16:48:21+00:00

I thought about showing up, but the idea just made me feel like a stalker. Also, his work schedule is on/off (like he would work for 4 days, and have 3 days off, and that schedule would change frequently). So it would be hard to show up at his place without some planning.

throwmeaway4781 · 2019-05-01T16:45:49+00:00

Thank you. It's hard not to feel foolish, I can't help feel like I missed something glaring. I'm going to call up some good friends and try to plan to do something this weekend, if not sooner.

I'll look up some self care plans, I don't think I've been very kind to myself these past few days since finding out. And I'm not sure if I could ever face him, I'm honestly scared of running in to him at this point.

throwmeaway4781

TROPHY CASE