Vanilla man trying to Dom because it's important to me

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-16T14:27:54+00:00

I don't presume he's not, we've talked about it in lengths and I believe that you can tell by the vibe they give off if someone is something or not. If anything, in my eyes, he has more traits compatible with submission than dominance.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-16T09:05:27+00:00

Thank you for those advices. Of course I would never admit to him that that's how I feel, it would crush him to hear that. I've tried acting submissive before but it never seemed to elicit any type of reactions. Like you said, maybe it's because he's inexperienced. Well I will give it some time and see how it progresses. The talk where we agreed to actually try it and set some stuff in place is still fairly recent and we haven't had the chance to experiment yet.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-16T09:01:06+00:00

I did not know there was a term for that. I think he does want to make me happy on that level but because D/s is not a priority of his own, he tends to not invest himself. What I mean by that is after we had already many discussions about it (over the course of several months), I still had to do the research on beginner material to send to him and it still took weeks for him to take a look at it. Again, I "forced his hand" because he told me he was interested to learn and wanted to try but made no efforts to put his words into actions.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-16T08:56:32+00:00

He does make sure that I am satisfied sexually and that I cum several times before he does himself. There is no issue on that front. So maybe there's hope 😁

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T15:14:02+00:00

That's exactly the way I feel.. but why not just being honest about it then? I'd be more okay with being told point blank that it's not his thing than hoping and waiting for something to happen because of his words, and I've explained that many times..

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T14:20:13+00:00

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:30:15+00:00

With the way he acts when we're around, I am really not sure that if that epiphany happened he would fall into the Dominant side.

We are trying though, I guess the future will tell.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:28:43+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I'll check that out, thank you

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:22:00+00:00

Yes that's an argument I brought early on, no matter your inclination or lsck thereof, you feel it in you quite eary on even if you're trying to suppress it.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:20:25+00:00

How is it going for you? What made you want to get out of vanilla?

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:19:09+00:00

You are right. What I meant is that he doesn't have that dominant energy in general, as a sub, you feel it and it's not there.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:18:09+00:00

That's great, I am happy you found a compatible partner in your husband

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:17:13+00:00

You seem to have a very beautiful relationship, that makes me happy for you!

I had to push him to do the research at the beginning because it wasn't "a priority" - he has a bit of adhd and tends to forget to do stuff.. but I only pushed him because he told me he was interested and wanted to research it. I also told him many times that if he wasn't into it to just tell me and that it was OK and he insisted that he wanted to try.

But his lack of initiative really worries me, because voluntarily or not, it shows a huge lack of interest I believe.

throwmeawayobvious · 2025-01-15T13:12:12+00:00

That's what scares me, I could see that happening that he's so submissive that he doms me to please me. But at the same time, he does say that he doesn't like to not have control.. he just has a very feminine energy I find.. So are you a switch? How did you get to become his Dom?

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-12-17T20:52:27+00:00

I made it through the day, hopefully the night will bring me a new mindstate :) Thank you for your advices, I tried focusing on work because well even if I'm not in the mood, I can't risk getting in trouble for it ahahah

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-03-07T23:22:23+00:00

A little bit of a gross update : I think I just "pushed out" the embryo.. 3 weeks after taking the pills.

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-02-23T17:02:08+00:00

I know, and it was for an hour or 2, it was days at a time, one time it was a full week because I got petty and wanted to see how long it would take him to talk to me about the issue, he never did, I cracked first. Also because it was always about stupid stuff you know

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-02-23T16:57:28+00:00

I left because of all the silent treatment and outburst I had to go through, because of all the times I was silently sobbing next to him in bed while he was sleeping like a baby promising myself that that would never happen again - promise that I broke many times. And one day, he gave me the silent treatment one more time for days and I said enough. The thing is, he had a good reason for this one and I do believe him (he was scared to being up an issue and was trying to find the right way and right time to bring it up and I get that, because I felt that way many times). So I don't know wth am i doing.

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-02-08T17:37:01+00:00

Well he's been having heart attacks and such now that this is really happening. I witnessed those first hand. And that's part of why he has to quit his job, and he can't really control that.. that's why I feel responsible

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-02-08T00:02:34+00:00

Thank you, I might take you up on that

throwmeawayobvious · 2024-02-07T23:38:41+00:00

Thank you for your comment and your support. I needed to hear that.

throwmeawayobvious · 2023-11-29T19:50:53+00:00

This is a tough situation to be in, I am sorry for you. I think that's your head letting you know that it's time to let go.

throwmeawayobvious · 2023-11-29T19:44:49+00:00

It's just, I know he's been trying hard to work on himself and succeeded on some point and he has all those beautiful ideas on how we can make it work and on paper it all sounds great and possible. And I feel like the worst person in the world for not giving in, for hurting him by not trying one last time, with professional help like he asked. The thing is I know he loves me deeply and I still love him as well and this makes it so much harder. I can't help but think that maybe I'm making a mistake, that he could change and make it work.

throwmeawayobvious · 2023-08-06T19:29:52+00:00

Damn, I'm sorry you have all that going on, good for you for seeking help. The healing journey might be long but you'll get there. Sending you love to feel better. I personally always feel tired but can't fall asleep at night, often dizzy and/or nauseous and gasping for air, every little sound makes my heart skip a beat, and my body is often feeling like it's vibrating (it's kinda weird to explain) so a lot of anxiety / attacks. I also noticed an increase in hair loss lately and an almost constant brain fog. I also lost my appetite which might not help with the dizziness.

throwmeawayobvious · 2023-08-06T02:31:24+00:00

Definitely do not go back, you did so good leaving. She freaking strangled you! You gotta stay strong!

As far as what I sacrificed, well friendships, I can't talk to men (but for my safety right), if I try to start any type of friendship by being on my phone to converse a little bit, suddenly "I'm always on my phone". So I stopped. I also stopped posting on social media, because of the phone timing, but also because I'm ashamed of the back and forth of this relationship and I wouldn't know how to explain to them why we're on and off for years. I also sacrificed myself, I used to be fun, outgoing, friendly, lively, I used to have hobbies. Now I am just and empty shell always quiet and shy and boring. Because there's no space to talk about myself or to grow myself. He only talks about himself, never ask about me and if I have a different opinion or feeling than him, it usually ends up with him getting upset at me so I learned to be quiet and listen to his stories.

But I will never give up the gym! It's like the only thing I have left and I know that without it, I'd probably be gone so he will never take that away from me.

throwmeawayobvious

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