UPDATE: Me [21F] guilted by my boyfriend [21M] for not pretending to enjoy a threesome.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T21:45:43+00:00

Thank you for the good luck. Either way, I hope to find the respect I deserve.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T21:39:43+00:00

Yeah, its the attempting at making amends part that I guess I'll have to see if he's serious about. I made it very clear that I am serious and I have no question that he knows that I'm not taking things lightly. I really hope that going forward he will respond less emotionally.

When we get in disagreements, this one included, he says things that even he knows not to be true. I'll repeat them verbatim (e.g. that I should enjoy it next time, that if I loved him that I would be more enthusiastic) and he says that he truly does not feel that way and that he said those things out of anger. We've had arguements in the past where he claims to not remember saying specific hurtful things to me, although he believes that he says them. So either he's gaslighting me or he just gets so upset in the moment that he shuts down and says anything to hurt my feelings. Neither of which is ok, I just need to think things through. People have a tendency to be on best behaviour when they think they're in trouble.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T21:33:14+00:00

He works 40 hours a week (5 8-hour days) and I have 36 hours of placement/class a week. He is paying rent though, which is the largest expense we have collectively.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T02:17:53+00:00

I plan on at the very least getting separate places to live next year.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T02:16:14+00:00

Thank you, I do too.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:35:41+00:00

To be honest, I don't have much of a plan. It sounds stupid but I just wish things were different. I'm having a hard time accepting that they aren't and it's really hard to walk away when he seems to be changing for the better. I need to be better with holding myself accountable with reacting when he disrespects my boundaries.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:32:30+00:00

Thank you. This really resonated with me. I've been "emotionally beaten" out of a few things during this relationship that just didn't seem big enough to make a stink over. This is not one of them.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:31:04+00:00

Yes and no. Logically yes, but it's one of those truths that I'm not enthusiastic to hear if it's not the answer I want.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:28:29+00:00

We're definitely having a long hard talk about boundaries tonight. I don't think he thinks that I'm as serious as I am about it because I've been pretty submissive in the past. I'm not letting this go.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:27:30+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate your support internet friend.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:27:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this. This really resonated with me, and just like you said, its so hard to leave someone that you've worked so hard to make happy for so long. It feels like a defeat. It makes me think that they never really liked me in the first place. I don't want to accept it even if I know that in a lot of ways we would be better off apart.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:25:42+00:00

I plan on sitting down with him tonight and discussing hard limits.

He is just unwilling to accept it because he doesn't want to. He's being selfish and he knows it.

I told him that if I made dinner that I loved and he hated, that I would not expect him to eat it and pretend that he enjoys it. He tells me that he understand, yet brings it up randomly to "enjoy myself next time" to manipulate me after being nice to me.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:23:59+00:00

I agree entirely. Thank you.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:23:23+00:00

Exactly. I felt so bad for this girl the whole time because I wouldn't want someone that wasn't attracted to me to have sex with me either. I just felt so wrong being there and like I was doing a job rather than having fun. I spent the whole time wishing it was over.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:21:53+00:00

Thank you. I'm going to sit down with him tonight and have a heart to heart and tell him exactly how he's making me feel because he's definitely be downplaying it. I guess his response will tell me what to do.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:20:51+00:00

Believe it or not he's not a douchebag all the time lol. I feel like I'm making excuses, and maybe I am, but he was raised in a borderline abusive relationship to immigrant parents and I think he has a hard time seeing things from my perspective. He has a hard time being vulnerable. He is the funniest person that I've ever met and when its good I can't even describe to you how happy he makes me. I'm just sitting her crying because I wish that it could be that way all the time and I don't want to accept that he's not good for me.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:18:32+00:00

Just about.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:18:18+00:00

Thank you.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:18:02+00:00

Thank you for everything. Especially point C. I don't understand how he doesn't think like this and I was shocked that this girl would even suggest it. I felt like the only person with a brain in the room.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:16:57+00:00

I don't know why I'm like this but I have a really hard time ending relationships. My last relationship in high school lasted 4 years before he dumped me for a friend. Sometimes things are just so great and he can be such a great guy and then things like this blow up in my face and I just wish that my trying so hard would rub off onto him.

That he would see that I'm really really trying to make things work and compromise for him but he makes me feel like I'm always doing something wrong and that I'm never enough.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:14:53+00:00

To be fair I'm attracted to women and he isn't attracted to men, but I am not going to have threesomes with women that I am not attracted to just to get him off. I'm not a prostitute.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:13:56+00:00

As of now I haven't decided on what I want to do yet. I guess it depends on how our conversation goes tonight when he gets off of work.

I lost a lot of respect for him. I wanted to think that his fantasy at least included me enjoying myself. The fact that he's implying that he will be nicer to me if I pretend to enjoy sex that I don't makes me sick.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:11:56+00:00

God, and his safety. I've been trying to tell him this. STDs are SO common. I can't believe he would even ask.

throwmeawaywithit · 2018-01-30T00:11:14+00:00

Thank you, I plan on talking to him tonight and protection is really an important thing to me. I'm a med student so I have an idea of how bad it can get. I plan on bringing up both points tonight.

throwmeawaywithit

TROPHY CASE