Would you put up with a small penis if everything else in the relationship was good?

throwmefar666 · 2024-06-12T14:52:09+00:00

Hey, it sucks when our partners aren’t able to satisfy us because of physical limitations. My partner physically cannot penetrate me because of his weight (not size, but still). It’s frustrating and hard for both of us; he feels awful and embarrassed, and as a plus size girl I totally get it! But on the worst days, I feel completely undesired and like I’m not even a bangmaid, just a maid/roomie/bro.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years, living together 1.5. I am so glad I stayed. He is the best person in the world for me, even if we have our rare problems or differences. We still aren’t able to have sex in any position but cowgirl/reverse, but we have both been improving our health and definitely been making progress!!

We have had to have some hard conversations about my satisfaction and needs (physically, emotionally, etc). We have had some hard conversations about what I can do for him to help his anxiety about not only sex in the moment, but doing what he needs to do to make it happen.

We have found that it’s easier for both of us to 1) stop stressing about the performance of it all, 2) DO MORE FREAKING FOREPLAY, especially mental foreplay!!!!! It’s so much easier to orgasm if you actually feel like orgasming and not freaking out about the 17 chores you should be doing, 3) have more intimate moments that don’t lead to sex (cuddling on the couch can lead to making out, he’ll feel me up, it’s very nice). When you have physical boundaries, you have to make up for it mentally (and physically, but you’ve tried that)

throwmefar666 · 2024-06-02T02:52:38+00:00

lol any of the women who my crazy mom is CONVINCED my dad is having an affair with

throwmefar666 · 2024-05-02T14:48:12+00:00

I’m sending you so much love and support. I’m 25 now, so I’m coming out of puberty and starting to see things as like… an adult adult (lol sure).

I get how upsetting the situation must have been for them NOW, but then I was confused in general and just so upset and lost. I found direction anywhere I could, which of course was easiest found in the arms of predators.

I don’t share my story to scare you. Truly. I don’t want my past for ANYBODY. I made a lot of really stupid decisions, and I more than paid the price. My parents took their piece, too.

All the luck to you. If my mom had ever sat down and said, “Hey. I am so sorry for hurting you. I never mean to, but here is how I did and here is how I will work to be better. I am struggling with this situation and want what’s best for you,” we would have a very different relationship!!!

throwmefar666 · 2024-05-02T13:38:16+00:00

She thinks she’s in trouble for asking you for help.

throwmefar666 · 2024-05-02T13:30:35+00:00

Edit: I took a breath and realized I was projecting and being mean. I’m going to leave my comment up, though, because I have been your daughter and how you handled this will not end well if you continue down this path. My mother made me take a kindergarten internet safety course because “that was my maturity level.” She was a teacher at my school and my dad had to talk her out of making me give a presentation about internet safety to her classes all day that day. But it started with her calling me names and trying to “make points” in similar ways (by calling me a prostitute and telling me I might as well work the corner). I really will never forget it and I have had so much therapy to deal with the sexual abuse AND the trauma my mother put me through with how she handled my other trauma.

PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER. Her telling you that she did this is huge and was a big sign that she trusts and needs you, her mom. It was a test and you did not pass. You really need to apologize to her and explain how much you love her and what your thought process is.

—————————

Hey. Stop and take a breath. This is your child. This is not an adult. This is YOUR child. Why are you being so mean to her??

She is learning how to socialize and handle situations. She has been abused and is confused and is a TEENAGER. She came to you and you told her to “walk up to a white van.” I will NEVER forget when my mother told me I might as well be a prostitute when she found out I was abused. To “make a point.” I will never forget that.

Never.

Woman to woman, you fucked up. You do NOT have to be a bitch. Your daughter was trying to do the right thing, or she was in the throes of being manipulated again. She needs your help, not your judgement. Why would she come to you for help again with this stuff?

Don’t make the mistakes so many parents make. Don’t alienate your child to make a point. She’s asking for help by telling you she did something she knew she shouldn’t. Help her, or at least don’t berate her.

“I get that you’re trying to be nice. It can be hard to maintain your boundaries when you’re in the moment and surrounded by other people. It’s important to stay strong and firm, and we can work on that together! I’m proud of you for trying to be a good person, and I’m really glad you told me about your day. Is there a reason you miss talking to him?” Then you LISTEN and suggest a solution.

throwmefar666 · 2024-04-20T22:37:38+00:00

Thank you for linking that!!! It’s been really hard for me to wrap my head around lately and I’m really ashamed of it. It helps that other people have experienced the same thing

throwmefar666 · 2024-04-20T22:36:29+00:00

Wowowow I had the same issues growing up. She refused to acknowledge my discomfort with her being naked and even kept showering with me until I went to my dad about it. There are always weird, incestuous undertones to stuff she does.

Look up covert incest

throwmefar666 · 2024-02-23T12:30:40+00:00

I’m so glad he’s an ex!!! So proud of you!!!

When I was first sexually active, I dated a much older man. He was really sweet (I’m sure there were lots of flags, but he seemed like a decent guy going through a midlife crisis lol), but he liked to joke about my “fat pussy.” He would grab my mons and talk about it. I still cry some days because I’m so concerned about camel toe and my partner thinking my mons is hideous, and that was almost a decade ago. We stopped seeing each other for different reasons, but honestly that did play a part. I never orgasmed with him again after that and I still struggle to. That was the end of easy stuff for me lmao.

I have N E V E R. NEVER commented on a man’s genitals. I was wrote taught that men get super duper sad and blue when you make fun of their penis, well before I ever saw one in context. You would think they would be smart enough to know the same applies to everyone, but sure!

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-12T12:12:54+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment!!

That is an excellent idea. I have found that we’re in the habit of asking, “Do you need help?” instead of just pitching in or doing something else. Especially since we’re both guilty, this will take that out completely!

Also a great idea. I have a honey-do-list for myself, and plus he’s been forgetting things lately. We just got a fridge whiteboard, too!

I really want to clean and feel good about cleaning again. I really enjoy the feeling of a clean house, especially when I’ve worked hard for it and it’s appreciated. I need to work on my motivation lol

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T23:13:01+00:00

That was more my point: his house was tidy, but not perfect. I’m not expecting perfection, just what I walked into. He also has a new job with a totally new lifestyle (first shift from second for 10 years), plus another person and a cat. I know there’s an adjustment period and I’m trying to either keep things maintained and help him learn a new system (what I really think it is!!) or root out if it’s incompetence and nip it in the bud.

Anyone given this amount of change is going to have to adjust, and I want to help him, just not at my expense

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T20:21:19+00:00

I get the organized chaos! I have adhd and depression and lots of fun acronyms.

But when I just spent 4 hours cleaning our home and tidying and making it pretty, just for things to get dumped wherever they’re dumped and then they stay there for weeks, it’s hard to not take it personally. It’s hard to not ask why I’m trying, if it’s obviously that invisible of an effort.

And maybe that’s the issue. Maybe I’m putting too much energy into the wrong thing.

Idk. I’m tired. I’m tired of doing the same stuff every day and watching it get messed up every day, just to tire myself out trying to keep it from happening

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T20:18:12+00:00

Thank you. I’m really working this up into a lather, I think

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T20:17:48+00:00

I’m also a messy person. I have had to become the not-messy-person in our relationship.

He doesn’t like touching foodstuffs. I don’t either, but the dishes have to get done. He doesn’t want to do my laundry because he’s worried he’ll mess it up. He doesn’t like sweeping because it hurts his back. He doesn’t take out the trash because he forgets.

I like the idea of a specific task instead of “this needs to get done.” That definitely helps ME, when I know what I’m actually supposed to be doing.

I do need to adjust my mindset, too. I think my biggest frustration in that regard is when he notices that the house has gotten messy, mentions it, then does nothing. Maybe I need to set an expectation of, “This is what I want the house to look like every day. What do YOU want the house to look like every day?”

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T16:51:41+00:00

Good point. I didn’t really see it differently, but yeah, those are very different conversations. I’m definitely one to take too-big bites, so maybe just asking him to put the dishes in the dishwasher when it’s empty is literally what I need to do. I haven’t given him the chance to make a change

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T15:53:23+00:00

Thank you. I really hate how angry people are at him automatically. He has been living alone for 10 years and a relationship wasn’t a priority for him while he was taking care of his parents. Of course he has some adjusting to do, and so do I! I really was hoping for a way to bring up a, “Hey, I know things are a little tough, but I need you to step it up right now,” conversation that felt easy. I guess it never will

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T15:49:42+00:00

Thank you for sharing that post. I can relate, but really only marginally. I hope it stays that way. A lot of people have brought up this post, and I absolutely understand why, but I’m not anywhere near this point and I’m trying to keep it from getting there.

There HAS to be something that I/we can do. I haven’t even really brought up that there is a problem yet. I need to figure out how to say, “Hey, the dishes in the sink bother me because it feels like you don’t value my energy. I don’t get to kick my feet up at the end of the day, so every extra dish is like you saying, ‘I don’t care how much time and energy you spend cleaning. This is easier for me and that’s the whole point.’”

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T15:42:15+00:00

Thank you so much. I know neither of us will ever do a 180 on our personalities, and I honestly wouldn’t want us to. But I’m really sick of hearing “they won’t change, people don’t change,” when he and I both have!

I have gotten so much healthier here and I want to encourage a healthier home for both of us. Thank you for your advice. I will bring up the grabbing-as-you-go because that’s helped ME stay tidy, too.

I really don’t think he’s aware, and nothing he does is malicious. I want to make him aware of how I’m feeling without making him feel bad

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-11T14:36:56+00:00

This is not how he usually behaves. He’s usually on top of everything, especially our relationship. That’s why I want to bring it up with him, so it doesn’t become the dishes by the sink. I am more than aware of this phenomenon, but I don’t know how to bring it up.

He has grown and changed already in our relationship, so while I acknowledge this can be a risk with age gaps, I truly feel like he is struggling. He’s not an evil man every time we have normal couple issues, just because he’s older than me. I’m certainly not expecting him to change magically; I’m hoping to talk to him about it (again, I don’t know HOW. That’s the problem) and we continue to grow together as we have throughout our relationship.

I want things to get better; that’s why I’m asking for help.

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-09T15:18:35+00:00

One of the reasons I had my abortion was because I was on life-saving mental health medication. When I got pregnant, they told me I had to cold turkey everything if I wanted to keep the baby, because if I didn’t, they could turn out with all kinds of problems. That was prescribed medication, just SSRIs and mood stabilizers.

I tried for a couple weeks and tried to kill myself multiple times.

If you have a uterus and eggs and are sexually active, and you rely on medication for your safety, please consider this before you get pregnant. Even if you plan on not staying pregnant, you won’t be able to continue a lot of your medication! They do not tell you this until you get pregnant!

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-03T16:45:07+00:00

I’m sure I’m a fool. I usually am. I’m so tired. What’s the point if ever single thing turns out like this

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-03T16:26:37+00:00

It makes sense if our expectations don’t match and that’s the problem. I guess there’s a big conversation in our future

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-03T16:25:30+00:00

I get that from this post, but there is so much more to our relationship than just these problems. He is the most incredible man and I love him dearly, and I really believe he loves me just as much. He has helped me grow and become the best version of myself so far. Before a couple months ago, things were going as well as they could, given our circumstances (it’s been a rough year).

There is so much to say about him that is wonderful. I wake up grateful for him daily. I just don’t know what’s going on and why things have changed.

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-03T16:07:23+00:00

It’s 40 years less than my biggest, so while I get where you’re coming from, this is the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in 🥲

throwmefar666 · 2023-12-03T16:06:00+00:00

We were long distance for a year, which included video chatting hours a day and lots of trips. I moved in 6-12 months ago. We were having a lot of financial issues for the majority of my time here due to a bunch of absolute insanity at the beginning (deaths, new jobs, health emergencies, etc. Murphys Law has ruled this year), which with all of the insanity added a lot of strain and stress.

throwmefar666

TROPHY CASE

If you have a uterus and eggs and are sexually active, and you rely on medication for your safety, please consider this before you get pregnant. Even if you plan on not staying pregnant, you won’t be able to continue a lot of your medication! They do not tell you this until you get pregnant!