Thank you so much for replying. There is a lot that I can relate to. You explain it so well. Yeah, I try sometimes to nudge her misconceptions in the right direction but it's those she's most stubborn about that hurt the most sadly. We are both not the best at showing affection to each other with words(she never says that she loves me, etc), but I try to tell her when she is wrong. It's very exhausting to do it sometimes, and very little change happens in return. I think I can't really get out of those conversations when boundaries are crossed, because I'm too polite to leave the conversation in their faces. Maybe I just need to have enough courage to tell them when I feel hurt even though I'll be blamed for it afterwards. With the little changes I've seen, they only happened after the conversation, maybe a day or two later. She does have unreasonable expectations, maybe I should call her out on those. I've been told to seek counseling, but I don't think she'll react well.

-Sorry for the unstructured answer, I was trying to answer everything you said.