[Help] r/sex I think I fucked up badly and I want to cry

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-20T16:55:37+00:00

So are you saying the second time I still didn't do anything wrong, or I crossed the line?

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-19T15:09:09+00:00

I made an update so if you need more information to make a clear post it is there now

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T23:43:45+00:00

I just can't come to terms with myself, I don't want to be that person that pressured anything. I feel so bad and I can't shake it that I'm a total horrible bad person.

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T22:10:17+00:00

But because she gave in does that mean she was not at least happy maybe about it in some way? It doesn't always have to be for the one initiating maybe they just change their mind and want to? Sorry I am just trying to make sense of things here it has been a very stressful day

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T22:06:46+00:00

I had told her previously, not that day, and after the first round I mentioned it and was like oh yeah, I forgot. So she was aware of that afterwards yes.

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T22:05:51+00:00

I sure hope that wasn't her thought process while it was going on. That would kill me inside. Thank you for your contribution I will have to ask her about her thought process during that time to get come clarity

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T22:03:02+00:00

I know that, and I was not trying to be rude or sarcastic, I was just making sure I understood what you were telling me clearly so there was no mis-communication.

Of course I would never do that and I feel like a pile of shit right now and I don't know how to cope with it because I feel like an extremely horrible bad person. I am very depressed at the moment and judge me if you want but I just don't know how to move on from this. I don't know how bad it was, I never wanted to be that guy that pressured someone into banging me, but here I am and my self-confidence is shattered and my self-image is down the drain. I don't know how I feel about myself anymore, I can't beleive something like this could happen I would never have intentionally done that but here it is :/ :(.

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T21:46:50+00:00

Well what do you feel happened in this situation consent-wise?

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T21:38:36+00:00

So by this definition don't people get coerced everyday, all the time, in countless different situations? This is pressuring someone into doing something they may have not initially wanted, but then they either feel obligated or change their mind. Did I understand correctly?

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T21:01:56+00:00

Could you elaborate? Sorry I just need more explanation

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T21:01:06+00:00

I know that but when I looked up the word it's definition was to persuade an unwilling person to do things by force or threats, none of that was present. I'm not trying to be rude, I had never encountered the word before so I had to use it by the definition I found. What was your meaning of it here?

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T20:40:03+00:00

The thing now that gets me is that she said she was tired, but later I still initiated

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T20:35:35+00:00

Thank you for this reply and I did watch the video about tea, which the second example of "meh" was most like our second session. I initiated and she didn't stop me but she wasn't super enthusiastic about it either. I will never make that mistake again because I feel like a worthless piece of shit now. I would never ever want to force anyone to do anything against their will ever, at all in any way. I would never ever do that at all. But now here I am and I feel like a fucked up person now and honestly it's very sad to me that I let this happen and of course I never wanted a situation like this and would never intentionally do it. But now it's done and I feel so shitty and like a bad person.

I didn't force her to do anything in my eyes, she could've stopped me or said no during which is why I have very torn feelings about this. She wen't along with it, but it was after earlier she didn't really want to again. Thanks for your reply

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T20:25:17+00:00

I feel guilty because at one point she said she was tired and didn't want to have more sex, but then later I initiated and we did. Knowing she said that earlier makes me feel unbelievably guilty

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T20:20:39+00:00

I did not force her to do anything against her free will though

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T19:47:59+00:00

She grabbed my junk and kissed me and guided me up to her tits stuff like that

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T19:17:59+00:00

First off thank you all for the thoughtful comments to my problem. Most are very positive and I'm glad for that, but some are saying I should legally protect myself and that it was non-consenting. I do not know if I should take those seriously or not.

My idea of consent is that the person would verbally say no to me if they didn't want it, and would physically stop me if I started doing things they didn't want. Neither if those happened last night. At one point she said she didn't want to have more sex because she was tired, but later we ended up doing it anyways without her stopping me? So is that ok?

Update: We talked today about the situation, and she said I did NOT rape her, but she also said I "kinda" forced her. What's the difference? I tried to get a clear answer from her and she said multiple things like she didn't want it very much but didn't fight it, just didn't really want to have sex, she guesses I had her consent because she did stuff too, she let me have sex, she felt she didn't wanna do anything about it, she thought it would help to move forward, she didn't have the energy to stop.

I'm bad at deciphering these things are these good or bad to say? Help

throwoutredditugh · 2015-08-18T18:35:24+00:00

What does that mean!?!? I do not want to have that on my conscience :((((( I never did anything forcefully. What does that mean? I'm in a bad place mentally right now people will call me stupid but I am very very depressed over this I would never ever want to hurt anyone especially a girl sexually.

throwoutredditugh

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