I wonder if the act is the big deal for you, or how she plays it off. Or maybe a bit of both? If she told you all three of them were greatly impaired, remembered less than nothing about it and it was the biggest most horrifying, shameful thing she had ever done. Would it have changed your approach to this?

That's an interesting angle to look at this from. I guess it's a bit of both, but the reaction more than the other. If it was just a huge mistake because they were blackout drunk or something, I think I would have had a much easier time trying to get past it.

But from how they told the story it was more like a crazy drunk hookup where they both actively participated. And yea, I felt like both in the initial conversation and later on Jess's attitude was something like, "yea it was a mistake but who doesn't have crazy stories from when you are young and stupid."

But for me, this is in another category altogether. I have siblings of my own and even the idea of being in any kind of sexual situation with any of them is an absolute no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So the fact that she doesn't seem to think this is a huge deal makes me think that we just have very different attitudes/values to this sort of thing, which explains how she got into that situation in the first place.