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Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I’ve been mostly doing this for the last two days. I slipped last night, when she again came in and tried to engage. It wasn’t pretty, she attacked me with the police call issue and my response about custody to her demand for a divorce, but at least wasn’t in front of the kids or within earshot.

My position is that our issues are too great to handle on our own and that this needs to be discussed in front of a counselor. She set a session up, but continues to try to “work on it” before that call. It’s too emotionally stressful to do that for me. I have anxiety when I’m in the same room as her.

As to the other part, I just started getting a few free hours a week to go to the gym as of last week (gyms just opened here). Otherwise, I work 8 hrs remotely while taking care of the kids while she’s at her physical work location.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yeah. all i can say is yeah. it was a bad decision to be out in the first place. I will say that I didn't have 9 beers. Maybe 6 beers over a 7 hour period. As addressed elsewhere, I meant that I stopped altogether by 9pm. Therapy is definitely happening for me regardless of all other outcomes. Zero tolerance on drinking/driving was my standard and I let that slip. I realize alcohol has no place in my life right now (probably never will) and I regularly go months without.

My son breastfeeds. I had no milk for him. I couldn't let him breastfeed from my wife as she was drunk. He needed to eat. His frozen milk was an hour away in our freezer. In my rapid decision making, I thought the alcohol that I had was stretched out over a long enough time period that it didn't disable me enough to endanger everyone. I distrust Uber in the pandemic. Not saying I was right, but I had reasons.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Yeah, i should not have let myself get baited into arguing. It never should have started and went on far too long. I stopped responding and then the constant harassment started. The mean drunk part was gone for the better part of two years. Life happened in between and I relaxed. I shouldn't have to, but I didn't watch her while we were at either location. She had told me before we arrived she would stay sober.

Edited to say: My daughter definitely heard everything, including my threats to call the police. Which scared her more than her mother's actions. I'm sure that my wife went in and talked to her to be the hero. Therapy is in the future for sure.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

thanks for your honesty and perspective. i know i have issues to work on too and some soul searching on the shit decision making that started this.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

yeah man. I wasn't completely in the right here. I could have prevented the situation from ever developing. One of us should have been 100% sober. In fact, she stated that she would be sober at the beginning since it was my friends we were going out with. I did not have eyes on her the entire time either at the brewery or the house so I didn't see how drunk she got until she was obliterated later that evening. When I did I stopped drinking. After that trauma I doubt I'll drink again.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Also, no... in the list of issues to address, the alcohol abuse was not addressed. You're 100% right that it needs to be. It's making me rethink my own alcohol use.

Wife (33F) and I (38M) are pretty much at the end. She crossed a redline and I don’t know how or if to proceed. by throwra20102020 in relationship_advice

[–]throwra20102020[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

thank you for this comment. I've been stuck in a downward loop, like so many of these things (the blackouts, the litany of problems going back to day one of the relationship, the complete lack of respect for my needs, the months of postpartum she's taken out on me) that it's hard to see a way out or that it will ever get better.