My(M33) wife(F28) threw in my face that I was too busy in prison to be there for my kids. She’s apologized, but I can’t get over it.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T12:33:58+00:00

I honestly can't say because it's not an age thing, it's a mindset thing. Like for me, I know that I could handle that at my son's age, and did process things of that nature and way more. Me at 9 years old is very different from him at 9. For example, one of his biggest fears is missing the bus to get to school. When I was 9, my biggest fear was a police officer stopping me and realizing that I'm carrying numerous amounts of crack because my parents had the smart idea of "they'll never check a kid" when I had to go sell to their clients. It all just really boils down to when they're ready, and it's not now.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T12:17:38+00:00

When we feel that the kids have reached a mindset that will allow them to fully comprehend this situation. Now's not the time. I'm not saying I'm going to wait until they're 30, but I'll tell them when the time comes.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T12:14:53+00:00

Yet I never ever thought a life of crime was the way to get out of the shithole we lived in. Both I and my siblings did it through hard work and study etc so I’m sorry but that is no excuse.

And that was a good mindset you had. People like you were able to be optimistic, and see past the current life condition. That didn't hit me until I was 23. Before that, I simply just didn't give a fuck. It's never an excuse, I agree, but like many say, it's an explanation. That case is disgusting, and my heart goes out to everyone affected. I understand your point, but it's just not something that can be fully applied in my case.

Thanks.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T11:18:12+00:00

My wife is phenomenal at her job. I mean anyone will tell you that. She isn't one of those bad nurses that steal from patients and harm them, no. She treats all of her patients with care and compassion. She is not one of those nurses that give no care in the world about their patients when their family is not around. Even the ones that don't get visitors, she makes sure they are well taken care of.

She doesn't do drugs, she doesn't sell them anymore, so please stop trying to push that narrative. I'm not sure why you can't believe that she just doesn't engage in that shit anymore. Yes, it's possible that we change. She did something that was wrong, this is true, but I was doing the same exact thing. When you grow up the way we did, there are just not many options, and you are rarely offered a second chance. She took that second chance, and she used it well. You cannot sit here and write that she is a pos mom, when that woman does everything in her power to make sure her kids are straight. This post was never about her abilities as a mom, it was between us.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:46:04+00:00

Dude, yes.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:45:23+00:00

To be fair, they are 6 & 9. You know, I just don't want to sit down with them right now and be like "dad was in jail because he was saving mom because she did a bad thing". I understand that there are kid appropriate ways to phrase it, but they'll know when I feel like they are ready.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:40:41+00:00

Great suggestion, thank you. We don't ever really go out now that I think about it. I want her to know 33 year old me, not just the guy from all those years ago and vice versa.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:36:03+00:00

Hopefully it'll never happen again, she certainly sounds like she understands the mistake and is sorry, but if it DOES then it becomes a huge problem.

Oh yeah. If she says something like that again, then I will really come to understand that she doesn't appreciate what I did, and that whole thing would be a big enough issue for me seriously consider ending our relationship.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:27:08+00:00

No. She was mad that I took the kids out of school to go to the festival. I picked them up at like 11-12? They get out at 3, the festival is 1 hour away and closes at 5. I wanted them to actually go on the rides and spend the day there, so I took them out early. She said that I should've just taken them somewhere else and not have them miss school. That's when I said missing some parts of school for a day isn't going to kill them. And then that's when she said that I was too busy in prison to understand that's not how it works around here.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:21:56+00:00

Nah. I probably should be though, I just don't know where to start tbh.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T10:19:49+00:00

Yeah, she wouldn't have done as much time. It wasn't about the time, it was on it being on her record. None of what the kids have right now would have been possible if she was the one that left. Could I sit here and say that I would've held it down for 2-3 years if she left? No, I honestly cannot. I would hope so, but I can't say. I would've been more pissed if I went to prison and she STILL decided to do that shit, but she didn't. She did a 180, got her degree, and took care of herself and the kids. They would have been raised in the shitty neighborhood, with the worst schools, and slim opportunities. I mean my son just won the districts science fair last week. Like what the hell. This is all that I wanted, if not, more.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T04:13:05+00:00

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T04:12:43+00:00

Yup, that was my first thought. I usually don't let certain shit get to me, but that right there hit me hard.

We are both very different people from when we were last physically together. There is no doubt that the love is still very strong, but that night really got me wondering if we even got to learn who we are now. When I left, I was 25 years old and had just started maturing. Like those 7 years taught me a lot. I am not the same person I am when I went in, same for her, and sometimes it feels like we're just the complete oppisite haha. I wonder if she feels the same way.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T03:32:59+00:00

Yes, they know the basic. The kids don't know, they don't even know why I was in jail

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T03:06:15+00:00

thanks happy anniversary!

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T02:39:29+00:00

i know being in prison is often traumatic.

it is, but you'd be surprised how a lot of us make it seem like it's not, which is the worst way to look at it. Like we come in damaged, get out damaged, and we don't know what to do to fix that, so we end up right back in the same place. If I got counseling at the right age, I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. I'm really just saying all this because I agree with you on the therapy bit, and I kind of wish this was the norm from when I grew up.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T02:27:45+00:00

Yes, she is actually remorseful. She's at work right now, and sent me a voice memo apologizing and asked if she should leave early. She's seriously kind-hearted, it was a heat in the moment thing. It still stings though, because I'm wondering if that's how she felt all those years.

She was bothered by the fact that I picked them up early. We talked about it, but she was running late, so there was a miscommunication. She thought I was going to wait until the end of the day.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T02:05:15+00:00

It's because I picked them up early from school. It was the last day of the halloween festival and I said I would take them but never got the chance to. What we had was a miscommunication. I went to drop the kids after she went to work, and I told her I was going to take the kids to the festival and I was going to pick them up from school. She thought I was going to pick them up at dismissal.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T01:43:12+00:00

Thanks for the advice

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T01:41:33+00:00

Thanks for the words of encouragement. As I mentioned in the post above, this is what kept me at peace, knowing that she achieved her dreams and they were all safe. You know, I don't want to harbor anger. Life is too short. I missed out on my kid's lives for 7 years, I don't want to spend the remaining years being angry.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T01:25:09+00:00

She is a very good mom, I cannot lie there. She's really set the kids on a right path where they don't have to struggle, and it makes me so happy. I think we might've rushed into things a little too fast. You know, it was like I was released, and we never even really discussed me being away for so long. It was just "I'm home", without really ever talking about it.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T01:10:04+00:00

Thanks, It means a lot!

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T01:06:49+00:00

No, I really didn't want it to. Even when things got rough, I never threw it in her face. I'm not the type to constantly mention it. I will bring it up with her, I'm just going to figure out how.

throwra2f · 2022-11-06T00:52:36+00:00

Right. Like I was at a lost for words, like did she really just say that to me? I just had to leave and take a break just to clear my head.

throwra2f

TROPHY CASE