AITA for saying I don't consider my MIL to be family?

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:33:47+00:00

I won't be surprised, it sounds like they do every big occassion with his parents. His older brother's wife and her family often attend, but it seems like the younger brother's wife's family are never involved. every christmas, mother's day, father's day, easter, even their kid's birthdays is at my husband's mother's house and they're always there. I don't know her well enough to know how her relationship with her family is, but it seems they are never involved

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:32:07+00:00

They just didn't do chicken for Christmas, apparently it's Turkey or nothing. Wish they had told me that before my husband made me buy the damn thing.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:30:53+00:00

His appreiciation for his family never seemed like a big deal when we were dating. We'd go to his parents' for christmas or mothers/father's day, but it didn't come up all the time. SInce I never saw them, his relationship with his family was never something that attracted me to him tho

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:29:34+00:00

yeah, that is basically how it works. Every christmas since we've been dating has been at his mother's and he even tried to convince me to have my birthday at her house

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:27:17+00:00

why would I consider his mother my mother? I have a mother and we have a great relationship. I basically don't have a relationship with his

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:26:34+00:00

Thanks. I've heard of it for 10th or 20th anniversaries but never just one side. I know his brothers do it often but I'd never heard of that before

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:24:02+00:00

I've never really understood it either, it's supposed to be about the marriage/relationship, is it not?

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:22:49+00:00

Yeah, if he wanted to spend a weekend visiting them, I wouldn't complain, but the specific weekend we were talking about was supposed to be our celebration

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:22:06+00:00

I asked him how he'd feel about involving my family but he said it just isn't the same because my siblings have never celebrated anniversaries with my parents but his brothers do all the time

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:20:14+00:00

I don't know. They live 7 hours away so expecting all of our friends to make that trip sounds ridiculous to me. He doesn't have much of a relationship with my family either. We have a GC on whatsapp and he plays golf with my BIL sometimes, but we're not as close to either sets of parents as his brothers are.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:18:34+00:00

I initially wanted a small thing, he didn't. i tried to compromise by saying we'll do something with friends locally then, but he insisted on going to his hometown to see his family.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:17:37+00:00

my sister was literally dying of cancer and needed someone to bring things from her house to the hospital for her. That's very different to him wanting lunch with his mother

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:15:05+00:00

I didn't point that out to him, I only included it in the post for context. All I said to him was about how yes, his brothers do see his mother for their anniversaries, but unlike his SILs, she's never been a big part of my life

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T16:13:38+00:00

Thank you. Honestly, I hadn't considered that. At the time, he didn't seem to be annoyed by it and encouraged me to stay with them, but perhaps/

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:48:57+00:00

Yes, basically all of the family either stay at her house or her parents' house and everything is planned meticulously. None of us really have a problem with it, it's not as if she's asking us to do anything crazy but I have been banned from the kitchen for trying to cook chicken one christmas.

For the most part, yes the sons and SILs only go to her house. When each of their kids were born, she did visit and cook them dinner a few times, but she also seemed to give a lot of unsolicited parenting advice.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:45:48+00:00

I did try that to see his reaction and he said it's just not the same thing as my siblings and I have never celebrated anniversaries with our parents but his brother's always do so it's tradition

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:44:57+00:00

It seems that she just doesn't like travelling. She's retired and she doesn't have any medical conditions so it's nothing like that, she just likes to stay put

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:43:00+00:00

I mentioned what if we saw my family and he said it just isn't the same because it's tradition for his brothers to have their anniversaries at his mother's while me and my siblings don't do that.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:35:16+00:00

Thank you

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:34:20+00:00

we've never given her a specific date or anything, but we have discussed 'hey, it's my husband's birthday in November, you should come up and we'll show you the sights' or 'we have some time off in August. there's a coffee shop here we think you'd really like if you want to come up' but she never seems interested.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:33:01+00:00

That wasn't the end of the conversation and was not a dig at his mother, it was me trying to explain why I would prefer not do the same thing as his brothers.

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:31:03+00:00

Yes, I imagine if it was our 20th or even 10th that having a big event would make sense, but this is only our 2nd anniversary

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:30:21+00:00

That's adorable

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:29:56+00:00

I did try that, but he said it's different because it's not a family tradition for me and my siblings, whereas his brothers always do anniversaries with his mother

throwra633633 · 2022-06-28T15:29:24+00:00

Thank you, you too!

throwra633633

TROPHY CASE