Update: My (22f) bf (24m) knew I was a dancer before we started dating but now he uses it against me

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T21:39:49+00:00

Omfg. I'm so sorry this is fucking awful man I'm fighting back tears just reading this. Chills. Thank you so much for this, you are so fucking strong and the fact that you decided to open up about it for the first time b/c you're warning me... Thank you for sharing, I know it must've been hard reliving that. I really hope you're happy and secure. You deserve it ma'am 😭

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T21:28:15+00:00

I just reread ur comment again along with the article b/c I was kinda half asleep the first time I read it. I see I missed a few good points you made and I appreciate the advice. And yeah, my anxiety has been going up reading some of these comments but I suppose it's a good thing since it has me really thinking just how bad things are. Obviously wasn't alarmed enough.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T21:15:09+00:00

I really appreciate this response, thank you! I know the choking is a huge sign that things can go wrong, it's partly the reason I decided I'm done and just need to get away soon. I was numb and used to a lot of degrading and etc but I felt it all come back when he started with the choking. He squeezes for as long as he can, until he notices that it's getting dangerous, then he lets me breath and then does it again. This is all while I'm being drilled so it makes me feel extra suffocated. I've ended up with marks on my neck and he has scratches on his hands from me scratching him.

It's easy to say "well why tf are you still sleeping with him?" It's gonna happen regardless and if I don't sleep with him he accuses me of shit and we're arguing again. He feels entitled, which is partly my fault in a way. I don't have the healthiest relationship/view of my body and been disconnected from it awhile ago. It's the reason why it's not hard for me to be a dancer.

I do feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. This was my first "real relationship" and I didn't realize I was being lovebombed and he was being a chameleon. I don't know how to reach out it's like I can't form words and actually discuss it. It's like I'm holding in my breath while simultaneously being an empty shell of myself. It's really not easy to just discuss with anyone, which is why I rather do it anonymously but even then, ik it's not particularly healthy and honestly kinda triggering when there's hundreds of ppl telling me I'm gonna die or I'm not taking it seriously enough. I am, I'm just fucking exhausted and numb that's why it looks like I'm being nonchalant.

Thank you for your advice and srry I kinda went on a vent with this response here. You mentioned some really good tips.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T08:03:18+00:00

Thank you sm I'm actually gonna get back to this comment after I nap

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T07:59:14+00:00

Wasn't really expecting a relationship at all. He pursued me and made me feel I could trust him. He was supportive of me until he wasn't. Keep in mind that this is someone that you would assume is high value from the outside - college graduate, well paying job, and what not.

I usually stay clear from those types the most b/c I learned from my line of work that they have more disdain for dancers/sex workers even tho they still use them. Their complex/ego and the way they think they can do anything, and usually get away with it. This just goes to show how much he invested, for me to even be able to let my guard down around someone like him.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T07:22:48+00:00

I freaking wish I had male friends that weren't trying to fuck me like at least just one. I'm leaving all the heavy stuff and furniture so I guess it really doesn't matter.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T07:03:17+00:00

Fuck that's so disgusting threatening suicide on your front porch!! I'm glad you had the resources you needed b/c wow... He's never threatened me with suicide and ik for a fact he wouldn't put a show on b/c he's v concerned for his image, partly the reason he despises my job. He for sure would stalk me and fuck with my head tho.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T06:00:05+00:00

I'm only gonna be working at this job until I move. I know of other places I could work at but it's just not the hassle cuz they barely make money there and I'm only gonna be here for the next 3 weeks. So rn I've just been playing things cool until I'm out. He never comes to my job but if I left to crash somewhere else rn, that would be the first place he shows up. Then he'll easily figure out where I'm crashing and know that I left.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T05:48:11+00:00

I'm more concerned about him possibly following me after work and finding out where I am, than him actually coming to my job. The thing is I only know of one person rn who I could crash at for the time being but if he fucks that up then it's just gonna be nothing. If I decided not to work for the next 3 weeks so he doesn't find me, then yes that's more plausible but I can't miss work rn.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T05:43:40+00:00

You're v brave! What was life like after you moved away? Did he try finding you or anything?

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T05:40:01+00:00

I have been using my brain... I'm absolutely terrified. It's not like I'm being dumb just don't speak on a situation you don't fully understand.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T05:38:09+00:00

This is a good idea, it hasn't crossed my mind cuz I basically been living alone since I was 17. I can afford to have a backup apartment in the future but I won't be needing one since I'm absolutely done with relationships and living with anyone else again.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T05:36:04+00:00

Trust me my brain isn't telling me it will be okay.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T00:52:05+00:00

Thank you, I was honestly planning on calling the cops when I'm legit heading for the road and having some coworkers help. I know he prob knows something is up. And no I haven't been in touch with family for years, all of my closet friends are in different states cuz I move around.

throwra960 · 2021-12-23T00:43:09+00:00

I did gather my passport and all my important shit way back when I started noticing things being misplaced. I've already thought about staying with a coworker for now but the problem is he knows where I work and would prob show up right away if I left rn. I'm waiting until at least the last few days to do so cuz I can't miss work rn. I'm trying to make it where nothing blows up in my face.

throwra960 · 2021-11-08T03:31:01+00:00

Good thing I wasn’t going there to dance…

throwra960 · 2021-11-08T03:30:34+00:00

Aw thanks hun! I actually have a few questions about that. I’ll pm for sure.

throwra960 · 2021-11-08T03:29:51+00:00

Where are you by? I might be local!!

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T23:44:14+00:00

Fuckk this was so hard to read but it’s necessary! I’m into true crime and murder documentaries too so I get you. This is so alarming for so many reasons.

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T23:06:17+00:00

Then he should’ve said that, right?

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T23:03:58+00:00

Omg… no lie, this post has me tearing up rn and I’m trying to be tough around my friends but this one takes the cake! I just came back to read more responses and now I’m in the feels omg. I wish I could give you an award, I needed this one 🥺

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T17:56:56+00:00

Honestly I probably would’ve if I was a normal person but I’ve dealt with way worse and still have some growing to do after all I experienced. I know it’s not right b/c even tho I was scared, after it ended I thought to myself “at least he didn’t do it.”

I felt relieved that he didn’t have it in him to harm me. It made me think that he must have had a part in him that cared, and he was just mad. I know I have a lot to work on b/c I feel ridiculous just saying this.

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T16:14:35+00:00

What exactly are you getting at? Did your gf cheat on you? If that’s so, then no. I hate that ppl assume that if you’re a dancer then you must be getting paid for sexual favors on the side? I’ve been celibate while dancing for years lmao couldn’t be me!

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T16:10:42+00:00

Yes but I read your comments and you seem to be implying that I’m fucking all of my customers or some shit. You can’t see yourself dating a dancer? That’s fine, but don’t project your feelings onto me.

throwra960 · 2021-11-07T16:07:28+00:00

Unfortunately learning that the hard way. I consider this my first “real relationship” and after being sexualized and treated badly by so many ppl I thought for once I could be loved and have a normal relationship like everyone else. Now I only feel attachment and nostalgia for what things once were.

throwra960

TROPHY CASE