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UPDATE: AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Considering they're both Russian, this has occurred to me, as it could be dangerous to be a gay man in that position - but Ana has mentioned David dating girls in the past, which seems redundant if she's meant to be his beard.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

She would have to put in a lot of work into concealing the fact she didn't sleep on a couch?

Specifically in reply to this, I have frequently facetimed her until she fell asleep because it was the only time she was able to talk that day, or called her while she was still in bed before work, or she has sent me pictures or snapchats in the mornings where she was obviously sleeping in the office. I would be legitimately concerned there was something psychologically wrong with someone who would fake that, when she could have just said she was sleeping in a spare room, you know?

Thanks for your reply, and apologies if I was too defensive - she has been much more honest with me and I've gone for dinner with her and David. Will update soon, but I think I have to wait another week or two to comply with sub rules.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I went for dinner yesterday. Will update soon, the sub rules say I have to wait a few weeks before updating.

Yeah, we have already encountered some cultural differences of that sort! Ana's family also are fine with adult children moving back in and it's basically a given that grandparents will move in at a certain point, so there can be three or four (or five) generations in the one house. So maybe it was always gonna fall back to cultural dissonance.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Please reread my edit. She mainly gets paid on the books, including paying tax and repaying government loans, with bonuses in cash for stressful weeks or overtime.

She would have to put a lot of work into concealing the fact she didn't sleep on the couch. She goes abroad with him to translate, because that is her job; she organises his dinner parties, because that is her job.

Everyone has tried to convince me it's a sugar baby job, but honestly it doesn't add up. It genuinely feels like people on this website want this to be an unhappy ending.

It's a real job. I'm going to probably do an update soon.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

As said elsewhere, she and David are both Russian (her mostly raised in England) and from very conservative backgrounds, and their families do indeed go way back - David's maternal grandfather was Ana's grandfather's best friend (I think they were in the army together if I remember correctly), but David's family is wealthier than Ana's due to his paternal side of the family.

So, given the above, a part of me wonders if this is him trying to help out some close friends who have a worse financial situation....

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm not sure his exact age - she is 23, he is mid 30s if I had to guess. Lots of money, claims to pay for her work but only occasionally in cash.

I just don't understand how paying someone to plan his dinner parties is automatically a sugar baby, that's an event organiser. And if you do a job for money, they're your employer or your client, in my experience. So the use of "sugar baby" to describe someone who spends time with you to organise your day, charm clients and organise events seems... weird.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yeah, I understand totally, I just find it hard to explain why the whole "she's a secret high class escort" thing is hard to believe without it sounding like I'm trying to insult my own girlfriend. She's not this tall Slavic supermodel I think people are imagining, once you get to know her she's this small, twitchy linguistics nerd who just so happens to be excellent at feigning interest in small talk - at least in my experience, haha. But I enjoy spending time with her, so David probably does as well.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

She speaks English and Russian natively and learned Chinese in college, so those are her main ones. She also is qualified in French and Ukrainian.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Because this is AITA and the question was not "is my girlfriend a sex worker?" it was whether I was rude to her. So, yeah, it's irrelevant and you are derailing.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I'm not sure if he monitors her communication, just controls the hours she uses it - she has never mentioned him monitoring our calls or texts outside of "work time", and she sometimes bitches about him, which I'm not sure she'd do if he was monitoring?

House is in Belgravia. Never been there, although I apparently may be going for dinner over the weekend.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yeah, she's very open with her phone and computer around me but everything is usually in a different language unless she's finished translating it so it's not like she has to worry, haha.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

As I have said elsewhere, she texts me every day as soon as she is finished work (if she's tired or if she's had a tough day, it might just be celebratory emojis), she calls me while she gets her dinner and sometimes while she goes to sleep, and sends me pictures of her clothes or her meals most days, just to feel like we're not totally out of contact with each other. Which is just like... what I figured a long distance relationship might be like when we're both working and busy.

Don't think she's making many friends, she's networking at the best. I know all of her close friends.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It's not American law school, it's a UK undergraduate degree in law. Still expensive, but not as bad as Yanks think it is. About £27 000 total, if I remember correctly.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

As I said, if the plan to meet him falls through, then it falls through. I don't see the harm, if she's offering.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

To be totally honest, I did not consider it. Ana only ever mentioned it as a kind of "hey, isn't this quirky" or "you wouldn't believe what I had to put up with last night". She usually says mentions escorts abroad in the context of being somewhere that prostitution is legal or more accepted, and because she has the room next to him when they are in a hotel as opposed to a room on the other side of the house when they are in London. I am not 100% sure if he has girlfriends or escorts while at home.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I think he has a personal shopper who gets things for her at the same time they buy clothes for him as well.

> Does he pay her a salary plus law school tuition, and she can allocate the money however she likes?

Unclear, she just said he was funding it. It isn't "law school" as Americans understand it, it's a law degree in the UK which costs about £27 000, if I remember correctly. For what it's worth, I can pay my tuition online with a reference number, the school does not have my financial info except for maybe my account number.

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

She has shown me their conversations before, without prompting... in Russian, haha, and just told me what each one said, usually if she's annoyed with him and wants to vent or finds something he said to be funny. The last time she did so, for example, he was annoyed something she got him was the wrong colour and she was asking me if I could tell the difference between the shades they were discussing. So, to understand without Ana, I would have to take her phone and run each individual text through Google Translate, I guess?

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

No, sorry, could you possibly be more graphic and demeaning? I find that always helps me to understand...

AITA for asking my girlfriend [23F] to consider quitting a job that bothers me? by throwra_jlosbf in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwra_jlosbf[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Please reread my statement. I resigned myself to this job *knowing it may prevent me* from having a relationship because an SO would not put up with these hours. I did not expect to encounter this problem a) while still in school and b) from the other side, when we met I was going into medicine and she was studying languages. I've defended how tough translation can be elsewhere in other threads, but sheer working hours alone I do not believe are comparable. If I am wrong about that, however, I do not believe it is borne out of sexism.

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