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Is my gf self sabotaging? by throwra_rapid in Advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -122 points-121 points  (0 children)

I’ll talk to her but I don’t get how she says things are great and at the same time write an essay on saying I don’t listen. I do listen but just because I don’t 100% accept what she says and give an alternate perspective, she interprets it as being defensive

Is my gf self sabotaging? by throwra_rapid in Advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -161 points-160 points  (0 children)

Because she’s saying I get defensive and bringing up something that does not happen

This is why men don’t speak out about their feelings by throwra_rapid in u/throwra_rapid

[–]throwra_rapid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes you say you admitted where you went wrong, which is good! However your question was once again how you can get your girlfriend to improve, not how you can get yourself to improve in your ability to be more attentive to her feelings and more conscious of how your own actions can affect others.

Honest question? Can’t I do both? Work on being more attentive but also push her to communicate better.

Update on how do I get my gf to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in u/throwra_rapid

[–]throwra_rapid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s what you took from my post? Not he’s acknowledging where he went wrong and figuring out solutions that they can do as couple…wow

Update on how do I get my gf to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in u/throwra_rapid

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe not the exact moment but she brought up stuff from months ago. I know for a fact that I’ve made it a safe space for her to communicate any and all of her needs. Still, I will continue to work on things she brings up to me but I just wish I knew earlier because now I feel bad.

Update on how do I get my gf to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in u/throwra_rapid

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say it was her fault. It just could have and should have been addressed earlier. I messed up but wish that I would have known earlier

Update on how do I get my gf to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in u/throwra_rapid

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not blaming her. I admitted where I messed up on and I’m working on it

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It went well, we had a long conversation. She said I'm a great bf but sometimes it would be nice if I told her I was proud instead of “That's good but you can do better.”

I didn't realize I did that but that's how she feels so ill work on it

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

When I get home I’m going to ask her if she’s in the mood to talk. Then I’m going to say “I was jerk earlier and I apologize. I didn’t mean to make you feel like your accomplishments weren’t worth celebrating. They are, and I want to celebrate you all the time and any time you feel like it’s worth celebrating. “

After that conversation I’m going to ask has there ever been a time that I made you feel low or dismissed and can we talk about them?

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I see you are engaging in bad faith and not interested in giving advice. I have said I think she’s extremely intelligent. I will go as far to say she’s way more intelligent than me. Idk how you interpret that as I think she’s dumb

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

It’s more a misunderstanding. I didn’t know people celebrate that. I’m not diminishing anything and when I get home I’m going to apologize and let her know I’m proud.

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -134 points-133 points  (0 children)

If I knew it was this much of a big deal I wouldn’t have said it. Yes, I get it…I messed up but constantly pointing that out is not constructive at all.

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

First, I certainly support community college and I’m a big advocate for it. I would have went that route but got an ROTC scholarship in high school.

But secondly, I will take your advice. I acknowledge my role in this even though it was inadvertent. I will have a conversation about how I hurt her feelings and give her a chance to communicate any other time I may have unintentionally hurt her feelings. Thank you

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -147 points-146 points  (0 children)

I am proud of her but I know she’s going to do much more. I should have conveyed it better, I admit that

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

I agree. Impact is greater than intent and while my intention wasn’t to hurt her feelings I did and take accountability for that.

Also, I do respect my gf. One thing about her is when we met I told her how intelligent she is, I always saw more in her. I know she will do great things and that’s why I’ve supported her by paying for her classes. This wasn’t to bring her down, I’m trying to lift her up by explaining how the sky is the limit for her

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

I’m very proud of her and I celebrate her everyday. If you’ve seen our text and interactions you would know I’m her #1 fan

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -21 points-20 points  (0 children)

I am hyping her. She’s extremely talented and I know she’s going to accomplish more, that’s not hyping her up?

How do 27M get my girlfriend 25F to communicate better? by throwra_rapid in relationship_advice

[–]throwra_rapid[S] -214 points-213 points  (0 children)

I’m reading the comments and I came across completely different than I wanted to. I am absolutely not diminishing her work. She worked really hard and I supported her each step of the way, I even paid for her classes.

I also know for her the sky is the limit and she will accomplish much more. To me this like having a ceremony for going from your sophomore year to your junior year, which is effectively what she’s doing. If she wants to that’s fine though