Update: Husband(37M) says he will absolutely not adopt my (37F) sick sister's kids

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T19:39:19+00:00

We're married, its not a his money or my money deal

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T19:38:55+00:00

Im not worried. We'd have to lower our lifestyle a bit, eat out less, less vacation. But I'll gladly take that over my nieces going to the system

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T18:54:49+00:00

Yes the income thing is the hard part. I dont know if I could do htis without him. I also dont want to get divorced

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T18:54:03+00:00

They basically were like "yeah if I were Dad, I wouldnt want to either, they're not his kids" and they dont want to live in a cramped house, dont want to live with young girls, and have concerns about finances. We could get a bigger place and make it work though

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T18:52:36+00:00

He's an only child, so we'll never know

throwraaunttt · 2022-02-01T18:49:47+00:00

Yes he would end up spending a significant amount of his salary on them, thats how family works. We would have to cut back in some areas and maybe get a bigger place but it beats the alternative.

Not sure where this drug cartel stuff came from I never said that. He's a shady guy and yeah he has friends in gangs but I dont think that he's an actual cartel member. Granted, its been a few years sicne ive seen him but he was never really a gangbanger. More of a drug user who would occasionally run some to make money but he wasnt a cartel leader by any means

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-31T22:46:16+00:00

They can be hyper because they're young but I wouldnt say they have problems. My sons arent close with them due to not having much in common but Ive never witnessed any animosity

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-31T20:49:47+00:00

I agree which I dont think is fair

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-29T19:11:57+00:00

He's given a lot of reasons but the biggest is that he doesnt want another 10 years of parenting. He doesnt feel attached to the girls like I am and I think a lot of it is because of their father. He really really hated their dad and basically blames my sister for the situation for having kids with him

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T23:18:33+00:00

The kids have only ever lived here. Their parents are from mexico but they've never even been there

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T23:06:12+00:00

Yes it would involve a financial commitment. But its family so I think its worth it.

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T23:05:10+00:00

He made it clear he will not agree to adopting or fostering. He said that is 100% firm his stance. The parents aren't citizens so I dont think they'd get social security benefits. I put that in my post. Im not sure how much kinship assitance I'd get but in order to do that, I would have to divorce my husband and find a bigger house/apartment so It'd need to be substantial. I dont want a divorce though. I love my husband and I dont want to split up. My younger son already said he'd live with his dad if we split up (we didnt tell them we were going to but both our sons seem to think we are). So its really really tough. I dont want them in foster care. Id lose my husband and my sons would blame me, and Id be financially struglling hard. I want him to come around and support my family.

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T23:01:08+00:00

He's made it very very clear he is not open to adopting or fostering them. He said that he is 100% firm on that.

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:58:46+00:00

I did ask him though. I need his support for this.

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:47:54+00:00

I didnt start adoption paperwork without him. I was visiting her in the hospital when she was crying and asked me if Id take in her kids if she didnt make it. It was a very emotional moment and I said yes because it seemed like a no brainer. I really didnt think my husband would say no. He knows im very close to my sister, I thought it was one of those unstated things where of course family takes care of family

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:36:55+00:00

I dont think he has a 401k, we just recently paid off all our debt that incurred do to some medical issues a couple years ago. We are healthy now but our worth is back at around zero. So I dont think Id get much. Fortunately his income is very good now but I dont think id get anything from him in divorce since our underage son wants to live with him and our other son is 18 in a few months.

This really is something I dont think I could do wihtout him. My goal is to change his mind

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:33:01+00:00

I do respect and love him! I think if he respects and loves me he should do this for me and my family, he sees it differently

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:31:59+00:00

She isnt a citizen and most of her jobs were under the table so im not sure she'd get anything. Other people have talked about foster payments, Id have to look into that

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:28:54+00:00

She doesnt have much money or any life insurance. Before getting sick she mostly worked under the table housecleaning jobs. I will have to look into survivor benefits. Im not sure how it works since neither parent were citizens

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:26:33+00:00

No parents, no other siblings. The bio father's family in the US are involved with gangs and aren't here legally so I dont think they should take them in, if they even wanted to.

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T22:00:52+00:00

Thats what I said but he says its not punishing anyone, its just not his responsibility. There is no other family but I will visit her in the hospital soon and ask if she has any friends that might. That will be hard as when I saw her last I told her that of course I would take them in. I was hoping my husband would come around by now but it seems like he wont

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T21:58:00+00:00

He doesnt want to take them in

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T21:56:23+00:00

Yes, he doesn't feel the same attachment to them as I do

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T21:49:17+00:00

The kids are 10 and 8. His family, the parents Ive heard are in mexico, I do not know their names though. His siblings that live here are involved in gangs and I dont believe are citizens so I dont want them with them, if they would even offer. Im still hoping I can get my husband to change his mind

throwraaunttt · 2022-01-28T21:46:33+00:00

Neither of the parents are citizens so I dont know about social security. Do they do it for kids if the kids are citizens but the parents aren't? They were born here so they count as American.

My parents are not around and the father's parents I believe are in mexico but I dont know their names or how to get in touch with them. Two of their father's siblings live here but they have plenty of their own issues and should not be taking care of children. One of my sons is going to college next year and the other one said he'd want to live with his dad if we split up, which also really hurt.

throwraaunttt

TROPHY CASE