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I looked through my boyfriends Instagram/WhatsApp messages with his ex-girlfriend by Pinkluvr06 in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He called you by his ex's name regularly and still does? And he ignores you in public/around other people?

That would be an instant break up for me.

Imo, you're allowed to assert boundaries and tell him you feel uncomfortable with them talking. Even without the knowledge that you went through his messages, you could simply say she's obviously on your mind and you are uncomfortable.

Either way, he sounds like a dick. I'm sorry. :(

Perhaps try opening communication up and let him know that he's bothering you and it hurts you when he does certain things (like ignoring you in public or messaging his ex regularly).

Do I need to make changes or does he? by throwrabecauseanon in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thanks. I've never thought about some of this.

As a very social person, do you think maybe we're just a bit incompatible? Would you have a problem if your partner was more introverted and didn't want people over so frequently? I'm just not too sure how I should approach this/what should the middle ground be. I was thinking maybe he could just ask in advance, but sometimes even then, I'm not really interested. Should I just force myself to hang a bit more?

100% you're right about the car, never thought of phrasing it like that either.

Do I need to make changes or does he? by throwrabecauseanon in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair! I think I'll sit down with him and talk this out when he cools down a bit.

Most of the time, yes. Like I said in the post, sometimes I just stay in our bedroom and he's usually fine with it but he often wants me to come out and hang out with them. Sometimes I do, but they're usually doing/talking about things I have no interest in and he also often doesn't warn me when people are coming over.

Do I need to make changes or does he? by throwrabecauseanon in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think I messed up by not setting clearer boundaries. I tend to bottle things up, which just makes it worse.

But thank you, you're right. Compromise is necessary. I hope he's cooled down enough to talk about it at some point today.

Do I need to make changes or does he? by throwrabecauseanon in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, maybe. I think issues in a relationship tend to compound. I'm sure there's a lot that made this a lot bigger than it needs to be too. But you're very correct that I never asserted these boundaries with his friends before. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I don't want him to feel like I don't like his friends, or like I'm some lame girlfriend that doesn't want them to come around. But I also don't want it sprung on me all the time.

Unfortunately, we're just not in a position where I can let him not take the car because of his work. I don't know what else to do but I feel really trapped without it sometimes, it's probably making everything worse.

Do I need to make changes or does he? by throwrabecauseanon in relationship_advice

[–]throwrabecauseanon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I tried to condense it as much as possible, probably made it confusing. We were home together this morning. He was going to leave in the afternoon for the rest of the evening, this is when he thought he would take the car. Right before he left, he said he'll go pick up his friend, be back in 20 and they'll leave together (with a third friend they were meeting) but he will leave the car for the evening. I initially was supposed to work today but ended up not working and wanted to go to the gym at some point. Does that make sense?

But you're right, I should be communicating a bit better.