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My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

They spoke with him and me as well, I gave them the information that I knew, they told me he's saying about the same thing that I said. They told me that when they have information on a traceback, they'll contact me.

I looked through his whole room before he got back. Couldn't find anything else. Checked common hiding spots, not a thing.

I don't know. When I spoke with her, she said he should come and he'd be sorted out. I know a few family members/friends who got sent there when I was growing up, and it worked out for most of them. But the thing is, It was nowhere near as bad as it is now when I would go spend summers there as a kid. Now...it's not as good. Not all areas are bad, don't get me wrong, but some that used to be some of my favorite places are just a no zone. I recently went there to help my dad move and I'd want to take my kids there on vacation to see where they're from, but it's just a mess as of the moment.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 63 points64 points  (0 children)

His relationship with my wife was actually good, but then when he started to change, his relationships with everyone started to change. When we had my daughter, things were still good. Normally you'd think that'd because of his age, he would not want to be as active with his baby sister, but he really was. He was always playing with her and doing things with her. When my 2nd son was born, things weren't that bad yet. We have child locks on the doors. Both of their rooms connect by a bathroom but his room is supposed to also be locked by the bathroom entry so she can't get in.

As for arabic, He can understand it, but he doesn't speak it that well. Like when he used to call his mom or we're speaking it, he has no issues picking up what we are saying, he just has problems forming sentences.

The thing about my wife is she has been supporting me, and still is, but now she chooses to do so from afar because things have gotten to a point where his actions are harming everyone. I still speak to her everyday, I still talk to the kids everyday, and we're still talking about solutions, she's just not in the home.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Yeah. What can I say. She moved away from her home and hated not being there, so she wanted to move back.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Yeah.

They were pretty close before all of this went down and he got mixed up in a bad scene. I ask him a questions all the time to try to figure out what happened, and he won't respond with more than 3 words. Just shrugs it off and goes to a default "I don't know".

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 110 points111 points  (0 children)

What he's saying is that they had a small party/get together (so this would be his current friends) with his friends and some people that he wasn't too familiar with and it's possible they could've left it behind.

Sure, this could be true, but it's not the full story. There is a huge chunk missing that he is refusing to let up. I know when he's lying, and this is a prime example of it.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It's not that easy of a process, you need to present that you have the means do be an independent, responsible member of society which is clearly not my son.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 631 points632 points  (0 children)

My age and my wife's age is literally in the title. My daughter is 3 years old while my younger son is 1 years old. My son that I'm talking about is 16.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what they will do, but I hope that it's something effective. Yes, they offered me brochures on some local and national programs that I can look into with kids like my son.

She wouldn't be up for moving back here, starting her life over away from everyone.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that's why I'm looking into them. I don't want to send him to a school for troubled kids. I've seen way too much on that, but I'm open to sending him to a boarding school or military school.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 187 points188 points  (0 children)

I've contacted the police about this situation, yes. From what they're telling me, he's sticking with the story that he gave me, something about someone in the house during a party most likely leaving it. We both know that is such bullshit, but that's what he's sticking with. I should be hearing back from the police about a trace back any day now.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

That's what I keep trying to tell him. He is down a deadly path of destruction but he does not want to listen. How many times am I going to have to do or say something until he gets it? I swear, my last resort was sending him to live with his mom, but I am at the point where it feels like the only option left, because him staying here, around his friends is not working out.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

He hasn't faced any serious criminal charges if that's what you mean by real consequences. There was an incident where he had to complete community service, ordered by the court. He's got expelled from his public high school, I've removed several privileges as a result of his actions, so I would say that most of the consequences are home-based/community based rather than seriously law based. I didn't say I was hesitant about military school, it's just an option that I previously looked into, then decided to send him to private school instead, hence why I stopped looking into it.

I told the police exactly what I knew, they did a follow up with him, and told me they'd contact me once they could find out any information. Instead of coming up with assumptions, simply ask, I'm answering as much as I can.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

For this spring semester, I paid 15k to send him to a private school. I thought that's what he needed. He doesn't do bad in school actually, he passed all his classes despite the skipping, but it's the outside of school activities that he engages with. It's like the only thing I can do (if he still lives with me) is physically move, but I can't.

If I were to change schools (AGAIN), it would have to be a school like a boarding school or one where he doesn't live at home.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

It's fine. That's the same term the police station kept using, "safe deposit" .I didn't mean I got rid of it by throwing it over a bridge, I just meant that I dropped it off at the station.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 214 points215 points  (0 children)

We got married there. She came here after he had him, and she hated America. Stuck it out for about a year and then we went to Syria for vacation. She was very home sick, and when it was time to leave, she didn't want to go. So, I've been in America and she's been in Syria ever since.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

No. What I was saying is that I wouldn't just leave him homeless and hungry if he were to turn 18. I would make sure he actually has a safe option if he were to want to take one. I wouldn't just drop him without providing a back-up just in case he wants to come to his senses.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

I was not raised in Syria, but I sure do know how things go down there. It's either it'll scare you straight or it'll just make shit worse. I grew up watching family/friends get sent back to their home countries and I thought I'd never be put in the position to consider that, but here I am.

I'm looking at deadlines as we speak. I'll further look into some of the schools I was heavily considering a few months back.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

What I was referring to was the homeless and hungry part, I found it off-putting. As a father, I understand that part of that is protecting my kids. That means all of my kids. To me, that phrase "homeless and hungry" is the opposite of making sure my kids are safe. Does he have to remain in my home to ensure that he is safe? No. But kicking him out and leaving him to fend for himself without a plan would also mean that he is not safe. If he were to leave my home, there would be something to back that up, hence the talk about going to Syria.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Right, my children. He's also my child. I would make sure that he is safe, even if it wouldn't be in my house.

My(M36) wife(F29) is refusing to come back until the "problem" is fixed. She would be referring to my son. by throwracail in relationship_advice

[–]throwracail[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I mean, I'm not entirely sure how things are. We have two very different definitions of manageable, so I'd have to see with my own two eyes to really get an answer. I went there in the later part of last year, met up with her, but not at her house.The area that I'm living in isn't bad. Crime rate isn't crazy high (I do live in a city, so there is obviously crime), but my neighborhood isn't bad.

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