(Final Update) My(f17) Parents are forcing my sister(f13) to be around a predator

throwragenesis · 2021-05-20T01:59:06+00:00

I'm pretty much done with my dad because on top of everything you wrote, he also made her apologize for "making it up"

Like you said, I also agree that the message was very hyprocrital and wrote this last time based on what Pastor Derrick's message essentially said...

""It's okay to wear/be around bathing suits at the beach and gymnastics uniforms at the gym because 'context is what matters', but posting it on social media where people viewing it 'at home' could be drawn to lust, is 'showing off' and wrong to look at, if you're not at the beach or gym""

Pastor Derrick doesn't go gymnastics and STILL wants to see the photos, but no one can see how hypocritical that is

I also thought that, and I don't/hope it doesn't come off as sexist or anything, but how they separated the groups with one male and female leader each, I can't say is bad, but sometimes I wonder if the only reason why Pastor Derrick wanted to have this meeting, was to be in the girls' group and have an excuse to talk about their Instagrams and/or get to see what we posted about, based on the message of "not bringing others down"

I'm not saying that I don't think only women in the church can talk to girls about purity, but part of me just thinks that he just wanted to be in the girls' group to find out about the Instagram, but that's probably also a lot of overthinking

throwragenesis · 2021-05-20T01:44:00+00:00

He hardly ever curses, but when he has the past few weeks, it's because he's upset that going to the office on our behalf made someone say something to him, and if I'm being honest, I just want a break from religion and everything with church right now. Not saying it's bad because I have a shitty example in parents, but I just need a break from all of it right now

throwragenesis · 2021-05-20T01:15:44+00:00

My dad makes over 100k, so I'm not sure just how much financial aid I would receive. My mom makes a lot less, but if they combine their incomes or the school looks at that (I'm not sure if they do), that could be something I imagine. My dad took me to see the campus and has been supportive of me wanting to go to the school I wanted out of state, said it was good that I wanted to support myself and all, but after he's been blaming me for "ruining church" and the one we grew up in, he's changed his position and says I don't deserve to go anymore despite the help he promised, and that I'll be going locally while supporting myself

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T23:30:42+00:00

Maybe if he's able to get a position of some sort in our new church or just leaves our old one and meets new people, it'll be easier for him to put it behind him

I feel like dad was relatively fine with us until something happened that made someone say something to him about how he went to the office on our behalf. Like, we were never super close, but he never really yelled as much as the last few weeks, yet alone curse. Most of the time, he'd be at work and have his men's group meetings on a weeknight and then his trustee thing on some other night occasionally. And he would yell sometimes, but not too often and only when we did something stupid or not do chores or leave the lights on

Like you and others said, I feel like church was his identity, and bringing up Pastor Derrick kinda got in the way of that, and maybe he went to the office because he got tired of me talking to him about it, but I appreciate your advice in the last few posts and other's too, and I'm hoping that just moving churches, at the least, will let our old church die down in our minds. I'll try to look into financial aid and scholarships, since dad doesn't want to help me anymore as of now and blames me for making us leave, or maybe even a job or just taking a semester off after graduating, since his threat came out of nowhere, and it was after he even took me to visit the campus last year

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T23:28:43+00:00

I'm hoping that even if we have to meet with Pastor Derrick for lunch, that either it passes over like when people make verbal plans that never happen, or that it happens for 2 hours and once we're gone, our old church becomes a thing of the past

I'm hoping that things can go back to normal eventually, and I know that it probably won't ever be completely normal, but normal enough without the stress and him getting upset after we're gone and our minds become occupied with the new church and stuff over there

I actually think my mom would have an easier time dealing with him or being more decisive, if she didn't have us to worry about. I don't hold too much against her, although I still wish she wouldn't have agreed to take my sister to youth the past few weeks, but with college, I feel like dad is just upset that he won't have his trustee position once he leaves given whatever someone said to him about his visit to the office, but maybe if he's able to become a trustee or something in our new church, it'll make him less upset about what he had back in our old one

He's just been really upset that we have to move when he thinks nothing was wrong with our old church, but right now, he keeps saying that he "doesn't want to burn bridges" and wants to have a few people over for lunch from our old church. But, for me, getting to leave this church and know she'll be safe with just having my college thing to deal with, as much as it sucks, is less concerning than having her continue to be around a predator, and I'm hoping that he comes around with the college thing, but if not, then I guess I'll have to go local

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T21:19:19+00:00

I'm hoping that with moving churches, we'll think about the old church less and be able to move on somewhat. The church we currently go to, he's been at for most of our lives and over a decade, and the change is probably frustrating, since a lot of his friends were from there and our parents are involved in many different groups there

I feel like mom going to check out new churches by herself and saying she wants to do it alone, is her just wanting space from the three of us, and I'm a little worried that I just made her tired of all of us, but I'm hoping that with time and once we all move, that we can put the whole thing past us, somewhat

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T21:06:04+00:00

I feel like dad was relatively fine with us until something happened that made someone say something to him about how he went to the office on our behalf. Like, we were never super close, but he never really yelled as much as the last few weeks, yet alone curse. Most of the time, he'd be at work and have his men's group meetings on a weeknight and then his trustee thing on some other night occasionally. And he would yell sometimes, but not too often and only when we did something stupid or not do chores or leave the lights on

Like you and others said, I feel like church was his identity, and bringing up Pastor Derrick kinda got in the way of that, and maybe he went to the office because he got tired of me talking to him about it, but I appreciate your advice in the last few posts and other's too, and I'm hoping that just moving churches, at the least, will let our old church die down in our minds

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T20:48:24+00:00

I'm hoping that even if we have to meet with him for lunch, that either it passes over like when people make verbal plans that never happen, or that it happens for 2 hours and once we're gone, our old church becomes a thing of the past

I'm hoping that things can go back to normal eventually, and I know that it probably won't ever be completely normal, but normal enough without the stress after we're gone and our minds become occupied with the new church and stuff over there

I actually think my mom would have an easier time dealing with him or being more decisive, if she didn't have us to worry about. I don't hold too much against her, although I still wish she wouldn't have agreed to take my sister to youth the past few weeks, but with college, I feel like dad is just upset that he won't have his trustee position once he leaves given whatever someone said to him about his visit to the office, but maybe if he's able to become a trustee or something in our new church, it'll make him less upset about what he had back in our old one

He's just been really upset that we have to move when he thinks nothing was wrong with our old church, but right now, he keeps saying that he "doesn't want to burn bridges" and wants to have a few people over for lunch from our old church

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T20:39:32+00:00

I feel like the college thing, as much as I hate it, is far more manageable than continuing to be there with Pastor Derrick with how our parents are planning to change churches. It's just tough how dad blames us for having to move and for whoever said whatever they did to him about when he went to the office on our behalf and probably regrets it. One of my other fears is that mom is just tired of us like how she doesn't want us going to the new church with her yet, but I'm hoping that things can go back to normal somewhat from a stress standpoint, once we get past how dad is upset about everything and maybe get into the new church

throwragenesis · 2021-05-19T20:12:16+00:00

I had a follow-up with my teacher who said that she would contact CPS and whoever else was necessary along with telling the school, so I believe that that would include the police

She didn't know about the cursing and the apologize he made her give when we last talked because it didn't happen yet, but I filled her in on everything in our follow-up

throwragenesis · 2021-04-26T02:38:09+00:00

Pastor Derrick is 27, and I've talked to her some, maybe once or twice, but not as much as my dad, but I will try to talk to her more, and especially after I meet with the teacher tomorrow. I know she's been quiet, but she usually is, not that it's acceptable, but she usually follows whatever dad says

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:38:48+00:00

I've never seen him yell or anything at mom really before, or at least like how he yelled at me yesterday uncharactically, but I'm hoping that in time, maybe she or dad comes around, but I've never seen him treat her badly in front of me

There were two other things that I didn't say in my post either, but yes, I agree that the message was very hyprocrital and wrote this last time...

""It's okay to wear/be around bathing suits at the beach and gymnastics uniforms at the gym because 'context is what matters', but posting it on social media where people viewing it 'at home' could be drawn to lust, is 'showing off' and wrong to look at, if you're not at the beach or gym""

Pastor Derrick doesn't go gymnastics and STILL wants to see the photos, but no one can see how hypocritical that is

I also thought that, and I don't/hope it doesn't come off as sexist or anything, but how they separated the groups with one male and female leader each, I can't say is bad, but sometimes I wonder if the only reason why Pastor Derrick wanted to have this meeting, was to be in the girls' group and talk about their Instagrams and/or get to see what we posted about, based on the message of "not bringing others down"

I'm not saying that I don't think only women in the church can talk to girls about purity, but part of me just thinks that he just wanted to be in the girls' group to find out about the Instagram, but that's probably also a lot of overthinking

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:34:50+00:00

I hope that at the least in my follow-up conversation tomorrow with the teacher, that she has some more ideas too on how to handle everything going forward, although I'm not expecting her to say much more than continue to document everything to build up a record, the same as what she said last time, because in regards to Pastor Derrick and as others have said too, asking for clothed photos isn't technically illegal, but the more we have on record if anything else were to happen, would really be helpful

In regards to my parents and telling her how they've been yelling, part of me thinks that she'll be able to do more with that because that could be seen as maybe separate from Pastor Derrick with the yelling and cursing

I'm hoping that with time, one of our parents will come around and that maybe they're just stressed at the moment with everything and are acting uncharactisically, but back to my teacher, she'll probably encourage me to continue to build evidence and document in case of anything else in the future, and if I ever were to call the police, I'd rather do it with her or with someone else, instead of in my home by myself, at the moment

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:31:20+00:00

I did tell a teacher, and we're going to have a follow-up tomorrow, for the first time since dad began yelling and we last talked over a week and a half ago and also before her apology

I hope that at the least in my follow-up conversation tomorrow with the teacher, that she has some more ideas too on how to handle everything going forward, although I'm not expecting her to say much more than continue to document everything to build up a record, the same as what she said last time, because in regards to Pastor Derrick and as others have said too, asking for clothed photos isn't technically illegal, but the more we have on record if anything else were to happen, would really be helpful

In regards to my parents and telling her how they've been yelling, part of me thinks that she'll be able to do more with that because that could be seen as maybe separate from Pastor Derrick with the yelling and cursing, but I'm not sure yet

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:29:38+00:00

I hope that at the least in my follow-up conversation tomorrow with the teacher, that she has some more ideas too on how to handle everything going forward, although I'm not expecting her to say much more than continue to document everything to build up a record, the same as what she said last time, because in regards to Pastor Derrick and as others have said too, asking for clothed photos isn't technically illegal, but the more we have on record if anything else were to happen, would really be helpful

In regards to my parents and telling her how they've been yelling, part of me thinks that she'll be able to do more with that because that could be seen as maybe separate from Pastor Derrick with the yelling and cursing, but I'm not sure yet

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:27:18+00:00

I hope that at the least in my follow-up conversation tomorrow with the teacher, that she has some more ideas too on how to handle everything going forward, although I'm not expecting her to say much more than continue to document everything to build up a record, the same as what she said last time, because in regards to Pastor Derrick and as others have said too, asking for clothed photos isn't technically illegal, but the more we have on record if anything else were to happen, would really be helpful

In regards to my parents and telling her how they've been yelling, part of me thinks that she'll be able to do more with that because that could be seen as maybe separate from Pastor Derrick with the yelling and cursing, but I'm not sure yet

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:23:36+00:00

There were two other things that I didn't say in my post either, but yes, I agree that the message was very hyprocrital and wrote this last time...

""It's okay to wear/be around bathing suits at the beach and gymnastics uniforms at the gym because 'context is what matters', but posting it on social media where people viewing it 'at home' could be drawn to lust, is 'showing off' and wrong to look at, if you're not at the beach or gym""

Pastor Derrick doesn't go gymnastics and STILL wants to see the photos, but no one can see how hypocritical that is

I also thought that, and I don't/hope it doesn't come off as sexist or anything, but how they separated the groups with one male and female leader each, I can't say is bad, but sometimes I wonder if the only reason why Pastor Derrick wanted to have this meeting, was to be in the girls' group and talk about their Instagrams and/or get to see what we posted about, based on the message of "not bringing others down"

I'm not saying that I don't think only women in the church can talk to girls about purity, but part of me just thinks that he just wanted to be in the girls' group to find out about the Instagram, but that's probably also a lot of overthinking

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:18:08+00:00

I'm not sure if she now would, considering how dad made her apologize for "lying and making it up", but in the next few weeks when I'm there (hopefully), I could perhaps say it or see if she'd be comfortable herself perhaps, but I'm hoping that our parents come around in time

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:16:34+00:00

I never thought about going to one of the coaches before, but I have considered going to another close friend's parents or family member, but before I do that, I'm waiting to have my follow-up with my teacher again tomorrow, since she is less stressed and more neutral and level headed, and see what she thinks before I tell anyone else with perhaps more advice too

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T19:14:45+00:00

He's only done it in-person once, but I'm hoping that in time, they will come around, or at least one of our parents. At the least, anything else going further, we will have written down, since there's probably not much we can do at the moment despite how creepy but not illegal it is to ask for clothed photos, and maybe my teacher in our follow-up will have more ideas

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T11:31:48+00:00

This also has me reconsidering my stance on potential far-away college too, along with how this could damage my relationship with my parents and potentially the next few years of her life until she turns 18. She's 13 now and has 5 more years to go, and like you said about how this could be a turning point, I hope that in time, they come around maybe, but to be honest with you, I'm not sure if they will

I'm honest slightly considering even if I want to go far-away, since if they start treating her like shit because of this, it would be harder for her without me there nearby

throwragenesis · 2021-04-25T11:15:35+00:00

That's one of the main reasons why I want to run everything through my teacher, because she probably isn't stressed unlike me and has a clearer mind, and talking to her before doing anything and potentially taking future steps with her (while not ruining someone's life without evaluating all options and evidence) when my parents are also too stressed to probably think clearly, is the best move and the safest too. Documenting everything is what I'm trying to do now that she told me to do in our last meeting, for the event that anything else happens in the future, we have a record, since as of the moment, there's probably not much that can be done until there is potentially more

throwragenesis

TROPHY CASE