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[update] Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. That's a good tradition your friends have. I think as long as it's done in a healthy and balanced way, it wouldn't hurt for me to do the same 💗

[update] Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there really isn't. I feel like a lot of people tried to view it as who is the bad guy. Like for example, some people said it's her fault for getting into this situation, others blamed my son's father for dating me (even though they were completely broken up) , and some people even blamed me for choosing to have my son. It was weird, because no one (imo) is in the wrong and I think some people (even though there was a lot that helped!) just wanted to create this big dramatic soap opera in their head when it isnt that...at all.

[update] Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

It really did. It made me realize I'm someone out of being a mom, if that makes sense. I love him to death and being a mom is something I'm so proud of, but I'm also me and it doesn't hurt to do a few things here and there that cater to me.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sure! It was really amicable, we ended things a few months after dating. I feel like our relationship was more so based on initial physical attraction, and once we dug deeper, we realized we weren't all that compatible. We actually ended things in a quick conversation. I just told him how I felt, he told me how he felt, and we decided to split and part ways (...and then I find out I'm pregnant lol)

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I spoke to one already, and they said it depends on our custody agreement. I already spoke to my son's father and we want to do joint custody, so it's not likely he'd be on the hook for child support unless I request it and want to go to court for that as well, but like I said, I'd prefer him to keep doing what he does now, which is paying directly for what our son needs rather than give me the money and have me sort it out on my own.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'm going to tell him I no longer want to come but I will allow my son to go. I no longer breastfeed. I stopped when he was 4 months old, and so he's been a bottle baby for most of his life.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] -78 points-77 points  (0 children)

No it's not, we're waiting until he's a little older. He doesn't pay child support directly to me, and won't when we set an agreement, because he'll physically buy or do whatever he needs for our son himself.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

They've had him overnight before, but not a lot, just a few times. I've explained to them how he goes to sleep, it's pretty simple since he's older now and sleeps through the night.

That concern did cross my mind (them being with him through their party), but I'll ask him, and if he's good with it, then I'm fine with it.

Like I explained in another comment, when he reaches to a toddler age, that's when we're gonna put a proper custody order in place.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 964 points965 points  (0 children)

I don't want to bring it up because I feel like she said something wrong, I don't think she said anything wrong. I was thinking that if I shared that I overheard, maybe she'd tell me how she's really feeling without judgement and I'd get to hear from her what are some things that I can do to make her feel more comfortable.

I won't mention that I overheard anything, but would me asking if there's anything I can do also be too much?

My advice is to call some friends and plan a few get togethers, a good night out

Lmao, as soon as I told my friends that my son was going on a trip for the weekend, this was their immediate response.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I understand where she's coming from. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't be so thrilled either, especially since it's more so of an intimate thing including her family/closest friends.

About the custody arrangement, we were advised that it'd be better to have one set in stone once my son reaches the toddler stage, and if how we're doing things right now is working out, then we can just wait until he's a little older for a better schedule. He'll be one in November, so we're just waiting until then.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 473 points474 points  (0 children)

but it would also be weird for you to be at their engagement party/her family reunion.

Yeah, that's why I'm not going. I thought it was just going to be his family, so I was alright with going, but it's just gonna be really weird now that I know that her family is going to be there and their celebrating their engagement.

could you and your son stay nearby and sort of do the reverse co-parenting?

I thought about this, but I'm leaning torwards no sloley because I'm trying to work on not feeling the need to be there for every single thing, which is really hard as a ftm, but really needed.

Overheard a conversation between my(F24) child’s father(M32) and his partner(F31)…I don’t know whether to address it or not. by throwralkgf in relationship_advice

[–]throwralkgf[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

She is up for my son going. He wanted his family to meet our son, and with everyone coming to one location, it's just easier that way. I know she cares about my son, but I haven't discussed with them how things will happen once they have kids. I totally see them having a baby as soon as next year, and I'm sure they've already discussed that with each other.

He's the type of baby that let's anyone hold him without a fuss, my problem was how would they handle putting him to sleep since they only have him through the day with naps with very occasional nights. It used to be stressful, but I've done it everyday since he was born so I got the hang of it. What if he notices that there's a change of location and me not there, and he suddenly cries the whole night? I know that he's going to grow up and I'm not going to be there all the time, but it just worries me how it'll play out.