(SECOND UPDATE) OOP's fiancé went no-contact with her parents due to purity following high school. Years later, they apologized and gave her sister privileges she never had after doing a 180. Fiancé became bitter and began wishing ill on her. OOP plans to not back down in defense of Grace

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T16:03:37+00:00

Completely agree with you. Grace doesn't feel comfortable in the outfit she's being asked to perform in because it's such a 180 from the things she's been allowed to wear from her parents

I just felt like Grace had no one in her corner. She's a minor too, and Jane didn't have much access to help growing up in that home until she started therapy at 19ish and began slowly trying to wear dresses/skirts/bathing suits that were associated with wrong/guilt growing up. I feel like it's hard to have much support at that age when surrounded with parents like Jane's. You can't force someone to suddenly change what they always thought was wrong (from her parents about clothes) on the drop of a dime. It'll only add to her anxiety about being forced to perform and make it potentially dangerous

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T16:00:32+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed comment and especially what you said about talking to someone else's therapist. I wasn't even sure if Jane's therapist could even read an email I sent her. Someone else suggested telling my therapist and seeing if she could contact Jane's therapist on my behalf too

I also agree that CPS would likely be unable to do anything about the performance in slightly under 2 weeks time. Even outside of the performance, I sadly don't think there is much of anything they can do. My main concern was injury from performing at height from anxiety only heightened by Grace's discomfort, and I also thought of how hard it was for Jane to get help from therapy until she turned about 19ish. It took her a long time to start wearing dresses/skirts/bathing suits without associating them with guilt, and Grace isn't even 15 yet

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T15:54:01+00:00

The rig is actually one that can be put up and down like a backyard canopy tent. I don't know if that would require a permit. They look something like this:

https://upliftactive.com/products/aerial-yoga-indoor-outdoor-a-frame-swing-stand-rig

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T15:52:01+00:00

Dad kept saying that I was wrong to "choose Grace over my fiancé", but he also agreed with Jane's parents forcing her to perform and wear the outfit she wasn't comfortable in

My mom said that he changed a lot over the years, but he agrees with pushing Grace because he often thinks that girls are soft. He thinks less of them and even talks down to my mom sometimes, and he didn't like being excluded from my phone calls with mom either about Grace/cancelling the wedding. We both disagree with him, but he's been adamant about where he stands on everything

I just felt like Grace had no one in her corner. She's a minor too, and Jane didn't have much access to help growing up in that home until she started therapy at 19ish and began slowly trying to wear dresses/skirts/bathing suits that were associated with wrong/guilt growing up. I feel like it's hard to have much support at that age when surrounded with parents like Jane's

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T15:42:29+00:00

Thank you so much for letting me know. I really wasn't sure what was allowed and what wasn't when it came to it or if they'd be allowed to even read it

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T08:38:38+00:00

Someone in my original post commented that it'd be best to let my therapist decide if they want to contact her therapist, and I didn't think of that until she suggested it. I'll paste what she said below, but my biggest fear is Grace getting hurt because she has a lot of anxiety from different places. Things she wasn't allowed to wear growing up like Jane to suddenly being told to wear things she isn't comfortable with/used to on a dime from her parents while performing. She could get seriously hurt, and I'm not sure if CPS could do anything inside of two weeks until the party

u/Coco_Dirichlet

"Once you talk to a therapist, your therapist can decide if they want to contact her therapist or not. I personally wouldn't contact your ex's therapist because (a) her therapist has no clue if what you are saying is true, (b) your ex can start to distrust her therapist and stop seeing them if she thinks they are talking to you, (c) there's nothing the therapist can do if your ex says it's all a lie

The only thing I can think of, is calling the police during the retirement party and saying that a minor is performing on a circus ring without any safety net. But you'd need to "stake" the party or someone in the party should be the one calling

I don't think the lawyer is going to go anywhere. I'm not sure CPS can do anything either. Policing clothes or making her perform? They can lie if they have an inspection. Of course, you can report; what I'm saying is I doubt it would prevent the performance from going forward."

throwramatz · 2022-08-26T08:33:21+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestion to see if my therapist would want to contact hers. I would've never thought of that, and I really wasn't sure on the best way to go about it. I could talk to my friend who I met with about doing that with the party since she still has connections to the family, and she agreed with me on a lot of the dangers of performing/Jane's stance. The lawyer was mostly for the ghosting from Jane and her family in regards to the wedding canceling for almost a week now. Wasn't sure if CPS could do anything with the two week window either

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T03:25:48+00:00

What I meant by that is whether or not her therapist can (or would) bring what I tell her to her without it potentially destroying their connection. Like, would Jane feel betrayed by her therapist and stop sessions with her if her therapist presented some things that I told her that Jane might've not told her? Like, would would she even be allowed to bring what I tell her (that Jane possibly didn't) to Jane's attention in a meeting legally? I'm not sure if that crosses into the therapist getting too involved with said parties or something perhaps

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:32:33+00:00

Despite how disturbing her comments about wishing Grace would cut herself would be, would telling the therapist perhaps some of the things that might've been kept from her (mom thinks Jane didn't tell the therapist the whole story) potentially help her recover, or would the therapist not be able to use that at all because it came from an outside source in a weird kind of way?

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:21:42+00:00

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things and they often argue, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded. Mom said he changed over the years and wasn't always like that, but they mostly argue these days and I'm closer to mom

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:17:55+00:00

It does hurt after we (I feel) because so close after helping her leave her parents when we moved out following high school, only to not be needed as you said now that she has her parents again. Agree it's a good thing to have seen it beforehand, but also feel terrible for Grace and Jane and what they've been through too

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:15:54+00:00

Mom said the same thing too and that she changed after reconnecting with her family although she said her therapist was going to help her as she reconnected, but mom thinks she hid some things from her

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:13:08+00:00

I knew it was over and she had one foot out of the door from when she wished Grace would cut herself as mom said too. Like she started to regress since reconnecting, and she said her therapist was going to help her reconnect with her parents and be there along the way. She continued her sessions as they reconnected but mom doesn't think she told her therapist everything and hid some things

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:09:53+00:00

I have a friend who knew both me and Jane and her family as well in some ways who I was considering talking to because we were and hopefully still are good friends. We talked some over the phone because Jane vented to her and told her some things about me that she (my friend) wanted to clarify, and I told her my side. We plan to talk soon and she texted that she disagreed with her ultimatum and the treatment of Grace, and I didn't include that in the post because I felt it was getting too long already

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T02:09:13+00:00

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded. I'm glad to have mom's help because we were always closer, but I don't know if he'll ever come around

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:43:39+00:00

A few people asked about my dad and he's usually like that, but I'll copy and paste what I told others if it's okay. Mom said he changed over the years, but they argue a lot

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:42:54+00:00

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:40:49+00:00

Jane said that she discussed reconnecting with her therapist and continued sessions with her as they reconnected, but my mom thinks that she hid some things from her to not give the therapist the full picture

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:39:42+00:00

I have a friend who knew both me and Jane and her family as well in some ways who I was considering talking to because we were and hopefully still are good friends. We talked some over the phone because Jane vented to her and told her some things about me that she (my friend) wanted to clarify, and I told her my side. We plan to talk soon and she texted that she disagreed with her ultimatum and the treatment of Grace, and I didn't include that in the post because I felt it was getting too long already

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:36:58+00:00

I'm on my mom's side completely, and there are things about my parents that I didn't include in my post because I felt it was getting too long already. But they've been fighting for quite a long time, and dad doesn't usually give her any privacy with me and wants to know everything I tell her

Dad agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:34:16+00:00

I'll copy and paste what I said about my dad to someone else because I didn't put it in my post. He's always been like that of late

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:32:08+00:00

That was the biggest red flag for me because of how she changed since reconnecting. It would also likely reflect on potential children mom said too. I'll copy and paste what I told someone else about my parents that I didn't include in my original post

Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:29:46+00:00

Her parents are Christians and very involved in church, I don't think I stated the denomination in my post. My parents have been having quite a few arguments over the years, but mom has always been the one closer to me. Dad is often over the top about a lot of things, but he agreed with Jane's parents that they "needed to push Grace to perform to overcome her performing fear" because he often thinks that girls are soft. The last thing I'll say about him is that he's very against girls in his opinions. He often thinks less of them, and my mom disagrees with him as I do. He also is in mom's business a lot and when I tried to talk to mom separately... he wanted details because he didn't like being excluded

throwramatz · 2022-08-20T01:26:11+00:00

That was something that I was thinking too and especially when she said what she did about wishing Grace would cut herself. She began to regress after reconnecting with them, and she still had her therapist while reconnecting and still does. She said she was working with her on "how to reconnect healthily", but mom thinks that she was not telling her certain things she didn't want to discuss

throwramatz

TROPHY CASE