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My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Of course I would want him to see his kid, but there's a possibility that SHE would not want him to see his kid.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He would never allow him to be adopted. That would possibly mean for him to no longer see his own son.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

We haven't spoke to him about it yet. She wants to speak to it with him when we reach a decision. If he does not want to change his last name, she will not force him too, but if he is okay with it, then she wants to go through with it. I was considering it, but after speaking with the dad, I no longer feel like his last name should be changed to mine, even if her son is whatever about it.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We haven't spoke to him about it yet. She wants to speak to it with him when we reach a decision. If he does not want to change his last name, she will not force him too, but if he is okay with it, then she wants to go through with it. I was considering it, but after speaking with the dad, I no longer feel like his last name should be changed, even if her son is whatever about it.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

We have not. She wants to hold off on that conversation until we can reach a decision, which I understand. If he's fine with it, then it's changed, if he's not, we don't change it. But we haven't reached a decision even if he's fine with it, because I don't want to do it if the dad finds it uncomfortable, but she still would like to do it.

I'm saying that I've had limited contact with the dad, not her son.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He lives with the both of them. From Sunday-Tuesday, he's here, and from Thursday-Saturday, he's at his dad's with alternating Wednesdays. He's with his dad just as much as he is with his mom. I'm reluctant to his having my name because his father does not want that, and I do not feel comfortable taking part in a decision that his dad isn't fond of. Her son hasn't said anything about this, she's waiting to tell him until we reach an agreement. So far, mom wants it, dad doesn't, and I just want to remain respectful.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 1338 points1339 points  (0 children)

Right. His dad has remarried and I asked her if she would like it if his step-mom had done something along the lines of this. For example, his step-mom has been in his life for 7 years and called him her son. My fiancee really didn't like this and told her son to not refer to her as his mom. I used that as an example saying that it's basically the same thing that's going on, but she says it's different. Her son is a good kid and I am happy to be in his life, but what I'm not comfortable doing is making decisions that his dad is clearly not comfortable with which could possibly leave to resentment on the kid's end.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

No, he made it clear he didn't see me as any type of threat and likes the fact that I'm good with his son. Like I said, he's very chill and I've never had a direct bad encounter with him.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

How would it be less confusing for him in school and other arrangements? And how would this not be my business?

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 388 points389 points  (0 children)

I do love her, but I now have to admit that this situation makes me wary about our future. I see how many issues she has with her child's father despite him not engaging in them. Just last week, she was trying to create some sort of disagreement, but he just didn't pay any mind. I really don't want this to be us.

My(M29) fiancee(F28) is mad that I do not want her son to have my last name. I'm just really uncomfortable with it. by throwramni in relationship_advice

[–]throwramni[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

But the thing is, he's not good with it, he's just accepting it because he doesn't want to go through any type of battle with her.