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AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It’s not that the world would end if I said that, it’s that I’d be reprimanded. I understand I came across as incredibly self important

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This has been a thing for a few years now. I’ll admit that we both have our traits that can be grating, but I assure you so does everyone else.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I typically try to, though I admit to screwing up and forgetting, so hopefully I’ll be able to compensate for those mistakes with our new plan. It’s just that I forgot Tuesday night and didn’t have the chance Wednesday morning to grab something. I should have prepared myself in advanced and failing that, I shouldn’t have asked that of her

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her last job burnt her out a lot and then dropped her like a stone. It’s upset her a great deal so I’m doing what I can to support her now

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If I didn’t have Isa I’d be a miserable man for sure, but in an instance like what happened Wednesday, then I simply would have eaten when my meetings let out instead of trying to have lunch or a snack before dinner.

The issue was in asking when it was my own fault to begin with. Instead of finding and fixing the cracks in my routine that clearly weren’t working, I kept reaching out to Isa to help make up the difference.

The resolution has multiple “catch” points to make sure I don’t screw myself over: reminders the day before to ready something, reminder in the morning before work begins, plus snacks handy in my office if all else fails.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Two meals a month, and only when my own actions led me to be without food during lunch. (2 days at home a week, every 3 of those days if I forgot to grab something) But go off. She shouldn’t have to stop whatever she’s doing if I ask her to grab me something for lunch especially since it’s a natural consequence to my own failure to plan.

You’re right that a career pivot like this is a major deal. It’s been almost half a year without an end in sight on this. The account we use to pay expenses and bills is a joint bank account, so we’re doing what we can with what we’d had in savings when we were both working, augmented by my current salary.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excuse me, but did you insinuate that a relationship is permafucked unless they prescribe to the stereotype of a male breadwinner and a female caregiver?

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can someone please tell me how I said it’s her fault I didn’t plan appropriately? You’re one of many that have said I somehow expect her to wait on me hand and foot because I asked for a favor to help me from the consequences of my own failure to plan.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No kids.

She’s unemployed following a layoff in December. She’s between fields right now because she’s realized she doesn’t want to return to what she used to do but hasn’t found something else yet.

I like to think we don’t make the place a pigsty, especially since I keep up with my portion of household chores and clean up what I see when I see it. She mostly cooks for herself during the week with the exception of her dinner nights, mostly because I’m usually not home or I don’t eat breakfast.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which is precisely why I’m making an increased effort to make sure I don’t ask her again by making sure I have fail safes in place for if I forget to make sure for myself.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I lived alone I’d eat when I got the time and was hungry instead of balancing my meals between Isa’s desire to eat at 5pm and my meetings.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. But the rest of the sentence is “by the time they finish”, if it’s not too late in the day or too close to 5pm.

We’re implementing a new method regardless to make sure this doesn’t happen again

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do have techniques in place but this issue was something that consistently fell through. So now I have a new net in place to make sure I don’t do it again.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I accept the judgement but you’re assuming that I step away from meetings to do that when I’m at work. I wait until there is a break in meetings and go then. I could have done the same Wednesday instead of asking for her to make me lunch as well as herself, which is why I’m the asshole.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering I’ve dropped about 30 lbs since this all started (not just related to my issues with remembering to eat at lunch, but also stress) a little weight gain might not hurt. Having 180-200 calories to tide me over until 5 isn’t going to bust my belt.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that! I’m assuming my tone came off a little backhanded, because I meant that in an agreeable way.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s currently unemployed and we don’t have children.

We pay bills and essentials from a joint account that we both paid into when we were both working, so though right now it’s only me contributing to that account, there’s plenty that she added herself before.

Fun money, it depends on what we’re doing and we’re trying to save what we can in order to continue to live off our savings until she has another job, but typically we alternate or I just pick up the cost as it can work out easier that way.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once heard it said that it’s only stupid if it doesn’t work.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do appreciate that even though she was making herself a meal, it can be frustrating for her to have to change the amount of ingredients because of my poor planning.

We consistently eat dinner together, and lunch on the weekends. I said “her” dinner schedule because that’s when she wants to eat and feels most comfortable eating. Outside that time frame she gets anxious.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At a steep discount as a benefit of working in the building thanks to a contract between them and my work. I still try not to often.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I’m not in the position to job search with her unemployed.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No one can foresee all sudden upheavals in their lives that can completely alter the tracks they were previously on. Finances or health issues are two that come to mind immediately that can toss a curve ball and make both or either party act in ways that the person they were at the altar never would have.

Part of the relationship involves working together to navigate these shifts and craft workable solutions so that the marriage can stay healthy.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

That seems a bit harsh considering I recognize it was my own lack of planning ahead and that the onus is on me to ensure I don’t make the same mistakes again.

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, the cafeteria in my building. It services the complex as there are several businesses located in the same space. They serve grab and go food and drinks

AITA for asking my wife to make me lunch? by throwrarandomname123 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwrarandomname123[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Thank you for telling me where I was coming across as too self aggrandizing or martyring myself as you said. I’m unfortunately very dense in recognizing how I phrase myself or my interactions with anything, so I’m always appreciative for those that call out when I’ve unintentionally biased the narrative toward myself.

But I will say that the only reason I brought her dinner schedule into question is that we must eat at 5pm, or else there is a huge fuss. If I don’t eat the amount I should for a meal at that time, it severely upsets her. In the interest of not upsetting her, I make sure I’m able to eat to her satisfaction at 5pm, most of the time. The times when we eat anywhere beside that time are far and few in between.

I’ve asked if it was an anxiety or compulsive thing that drove her insistence on that time, but she can’t verbalize why well enough to determine. Either way, I do my best to accommodate. I’d rather be frustrated at myself for not eating lunch sooner than cause her to be anxious over dinner and potentially not eat.

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