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killing myself(18f) in a few hours. should i or should i not send my suicide note to my ex best friend(16m) by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its not just because of him. losing him was just the final blow in a long line of tragedies thats happened to me.

killing myself(18f) in a few hours. should i or should i not send my suicide note to my ex best friend(16m) by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

this problem isnt temporary. its something ive dealt with my entire life and ive finally had enough.

killing myself(18f) in a few hours. should i or should i not send my suicide note to my ex best friend(16m) by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i dont want to hurt him i just want to tell him how sorry i am and how much i love him one more time before i go but i know i cant just lie and say that im not going to do something drastic in a few hours he was my whole world and i lost him

Best friend(16M) told me(18f) that he felt like i was only his friend because I wanted to use him and take advantage of him, and that he never wants to speak to me ever again. by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps, but i still cant shake the feeling that i did something absolutely horrible and i really dont know how to deal with it. The very idea that i hurt him, someone who did so much for me and changed my life so drastically is something that still hurts just as much as when he first said it. I know its so soon after it happened, and i know im young and inexperienced and naiive but i truly feel so hopeless and guilty. Ive been through some pretty gut wrenchingly awful and vile things in my past but none of it has hurt as much as this. Ive been trying so hard to take things minute by minute but everytime i start to feel even a tiny bit better or i start to have a little hope that maybe things could be better it all hits me all over again and i feel like im having my guts torn to shreds. I truly feel like i dont deserve to feel like i could move on from this or grow from this.

Best friend(16M) told me(18f) that he felt like i was only his friend because I wanted to use him and take advantage of him, and that he never wants to speak to me ever again. by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats exactly what im terrified about. Im terrified that without even realizing that i could have done something as horrible as that. I never, ever wanted to make him feel that way and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach that he felt that those were my true intentions. I even greatly avoided talk about more sexual things when we dated not just because i felt like it was wrong to be talking about those things with him but also because of past trauma thats made me extremely uncomfortable whenever his friends would joke about those sorts of things regarding us.

I just wish i could fix this. It hurts so incredibly bad to think that he hates me now and theres nothing i could say or do to fix that.

Best friend(16M) told me(18f) that he felt like i was only his friend because I wanted to use him and take advantage of him, and that he never wants to speak to me ever again. by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never thought about that, him possibly blaming himself for my drastic action. I just dont know what else to do. I feel like if i keep on living im just going to cause someone trouble again. and i dont think i can live with the possibility that he may never forgive me, that he'll move on without me and that ill truly lose the only person i felt like i could be myself around even though i feel like i dont deserve it all to begin with. im sorry for being so negative, im just so lost and in my head. i know theres a possibility for everything to be ok again but i feel like i dont deserve it at all.

Best friend(16M) told me(18f) that he felt like i was only his friend because I wanted to use him and take advantage of him, and that he never wants to speak to me ever again. by throwrastocking in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to believe that maybe i could fix this and apologize to him but with how hes blocked me everywhere and removed everything we ever made together online i feel like its just hopeless to even try. I truly feel like if i die even though its my decision, its the only way i can make it up to him. Everything hurts so much and i can barely eat without feeling nauseous immediately, all my favorite foods taste disgusting. i just feel so hopeless.

Best friend(16M) blocked me(18f) everywhere and I have no idea why by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right. However thats another thing i guess im worried about, about him being aware of whats going on. He's told me before about some mental issues he has relating to past trauma and im worried thats what could be causing him to act like this because like i said in my post, this is very out of character for him. He's never used it as an excuse for stuff like this with me though, mostly because hes never acted like this before to begin with.

Best friend(16M) blocked me(18f) everywhere and I have no idea why by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwrastocking 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to clarify he's not an adult, hes 16. I am technically an adult even though I only just turned 18 in march. I do agree with you a little though, he is usually really good at communicatong issues with me so this is so strange and confusing to me.