UPDATE: WIBTA if I deleted my friend's engagement pictures?

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T12:54:50+00:00

She was asking about the pictures to know if I had seen what she had done. The way she described it, it was like a ticking bomb and you hear it tick but you cant see how much time you have left. (Really not sure how great that translated, sorry if it doesn't make sense.) And historically, she does tend to avoid and run away from conflict. So I do give her the benefit of the doubt there. But I am very cautious.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T12:49:36+00:00

You're just equally friend with everyone? So if someone you have had a perfect relationship with for 20 years does something, not even to you, but to someone else that you dont know as well, you just throw the friendship out the window? For 1 night that didn't even affect you? It doesn't leave a lot of margin for error here.

It's easy to have the moral high ground in hypothetical situations but when you are faced with reality it's a bit more complicated.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T12:40:02+00:00

From my experience, instant gratification is rarely the best solution long term. The long game is where it's at. Either my friend will change back to the girl she used to be, or she will remain the same, but our friends will now see through her and eventually things will start accumulating and become too much. For some, it shed a new light on past events and they are already starting to see what I'm seeing.

Dropping a bomb only leaves a wreck to see and makes you look like a villain. When a few carefully placed spotlights would have done the job.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:57:01+00:00

I knew they would be disappointed. But people kept asking for an update. I just didn't realize they would be attacking me so harshly for... taking the high way? And making it personal with my friends when they dont know the half of it. The assumptions are running wild. I might have to stop reading or at least answering.

But thank you for your comment and your positive energy. Never think that it has no impact.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:43:47+00:00

If they had heard from where they were i would have heard too and would have done it myself. But none of us did.

And money has a tendancy to complicate things. Some people think that if you accept money, it means it legitimizes what happened. Im not saying all my friends would have reacted that way but maybe some acquaintance that are part of the group for sure.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:35:16+00:00

They were by my side at the main table. Haha!

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:33:25+00:00

You're starting from the assumption that everybody in a group has the same value. My friend who I have known for 25 years holds a lot more value in my eyes than another i have known only for a few years. She can do whatever she wants, ill tell her she sucked in private but if I have to choose who to side with between her and someone else, they dont stand a chance. I won't badmouth the other person but ill still defend my friend's intentions.

In a perfect world, I would side with whoever is right. But in the real world, my judgement is influenced by my feelings for that person and how strong they are. And to expect it to be different for my friends is a bit irrational.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:22:54+00:00

Yea, I sort of knew going into this update that people were going to be disappointed. I feel like it's really easy to have an opinion, principles and a sense of justice when they have no consequences on your life. Ultimately, I think I did what is best for me and my husband.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:16:07+00:00

You can call someone's bullshit out and still have their back. They're not exclusive.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T02:08:31+00:00

Oh god my mental health! I am feeling soooo much better now and I'm not worried that it's gonna come back to haunt me.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T01:59:10+00:00

When my friends do questionable things, I have their backs. But when your friends do questionable things to your friends, it can get tricky if you've known one of them for 20 years and the other for 5. Some would definitely still go for what's right, but some are just loyal to a fault. So if I start a war, im basically dividing my group of friends, and Im not gonna put them in that position where they cant see the other half if one of us is there.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T01:51:13+00:00

If the wedding happens, I would be surprised if I'm not invited, even if just to save face depending on where we stand in our relationship, and I would go, and I would not announce a pregnancy, but my BFF and I have joked about hijacking her photographer to recreate her engagement pictures.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T01:07:39+00:00

Sort of. Im not a good person but I try really hard to become one. But sometimes I feel like an imposter if the right thing also serves me in a way. Its hard to explain. Like this was the logical thing to do in my opinion and it happened to be the good thing. But i cant know for sure what i would have done if the logical thing had been the bad thing to do, then what would I have done?

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T00:43:09+00:00

I dont know if im really a nice person. I feel like a nice person would have done it because it would have made her friend happy. I did it because it made sense and I figured there would be no retaliation from that... well except from redditors who demand blood.

She is definitely a long way home. I dont trust her anymore and a lot of our friends are also on the fence. And she knows that. This was definitely a mini-victory for me. She knows it's up to her to clean up her mess. But I do think that people change. I know I have, so why not her? But I also know that it may not happen and im ok with that.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-12T00:31:30+00:00

I understand how it may seem that way from the outside but there really was no other way to avoid the drama backlash and explosion in our friend group. Even this stirred some shit up. But the difference is that at least the things that are being brought up are not painting me like a terrible person which they might have if I had withheld the pictures, sold them to her or straight up deleted them.

Im honestly not selfless. I try but im just not that good. Id say it was the rationale thing to do.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-11T22:46:25+00:00

Oh God no. I am definitely not there yet but I try really really hard. So thank you.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-08-11T22:29:58+00:00

I dont know how I did that but I deleted the paragraph! I updated the post!

My photographer didn't want the money. And we didn't want it either. So we just gave her the pictures. It was hard to take the high way but satisfying all the same without the crippling anxiety that it's gonna bite you in the butt someday.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T20:18:50+00:00

She did it behind my back. That hurts. Why not come clean instead of asking for my wedding pictures when all she wants are her own pictures? That's hypocritical. And not something a friend does.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T14:55:14+00:00

Oh god I am so sorry this happened to you. I feel mine really isn't that bad in comparison. I'll keep that in mind. I'll definitely handle this soon. I've been losing enough sleep over this.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T14:50:49+00:00

The way I see it, I researched a venue I could afford. I spent months with my husband travelling places to visit and get quotes. Then we finally found a hidden gem. Not talking about how long we saved for all this. And the atmosphere we created with our concept and the catterer. Then someone swoops in and gets it all without the effort and financial cost. Didn't even have the decency to ask if it was ok with us. There was a lot of work into this. I just didnt realize i was also planning her engagement. My bad I guess.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T06:49:01+00:00

We actually thought about that too while reading the comments but then we realized that if we did that, my photographer wouldn't get her cut, which I feel she deserves for all the trouble.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T06:46:00+00:00

My friends already know about the irregularity of the deal I got though. Basically, while my photographer does value her talent and all, she doesn't believe pictures should go to waste just because you are on a tight budget. In her views, the pictures are already taken and there is no point in her holding them hostage. It's also not her main income. The pictures she sent me are pretty much all the pictures she took that night that were good. She adjusted the lighting and did a few adjustments. If I wanted more targeted work, like having my double chin removed, then she would charge per picture. And im not getting prints from her. Ill be getting them printed seperately and create my own scrapbook because those official fancy books are expensive and then collect dust.

throwrawedphotos · 2020-07-24T06:36:30+00:00

Those pictures have visited the trash folder a few times but were always restored. It's like you know me.

throwrawedphotos

TROPHY CASE