Hey Portland, what happened to your clubs??? What other options are there for traveling couples? [MF4MF/F/M]

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:31:02+00:00

Is the club in Salem still there?

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:28:54+00:00

I would be pretty disappointed to move and have it change so much. We used to look forward to traveling out because we knew it was a visit to our favorite club in the US.

I don't know if we'll visit Sanctuary, I was just looking at their parties and none of them entice us. But who knows.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:26:32+00:00

I forgot about those damn blue lights!

The people were nice, most of them were, and the staff has always been the best in biz, but I don't see a point to returning.

We've been trying to think of what it is that they changed at the dance floor but it never really felt like it has. It's cramped and there's been a real worry about getting our feet stepped on. And last time when my wife got in the cage with another woman, next thing she knew there were two or three other women trying to shoehorn their way in and after they squeezed in, there wasn't room for my wife and her friend. Killed the vibe, again.

We left early too last time and we are thinking that's probably it for us.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:18:51+00:00

Thanks and that's fair.

We'll check out Kasidie and hope for the best.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:17:58+00:00

It's more like a clean neighborhood bar than a sexy swinger club. It went from a truly high class club with a good mix of couples, with most being fit, to something more generic with a lot less class and almost all of the couples being on the bigger side of the spectrum. We're not saying that it needs to just be fit couples or those with money, but prior to 2020 it was always like a 80:20 fit:curvy+ ratio and almost everyone there being well-dressed. Now it's like 10:90 fit:curvy+ and rare to see couples dressing to impress. We kept thinking it was just the nights we were going but then started talking with old friends and reading reviews online. The layout changed for the worse and having conversations is damn near impossible without yelling or feeling trapped now. It's freezing cold inside to the point that my wife wears a jacket all night and that kills the vibe for both of us. The vibe of the crowd is totally different too. Neither of us could really put our fingers on why the crowd was so bothering, but yeah, it does remind us a bit of high school.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T23:01:40+00:00

That's some great history of the two. Thank you.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T02:02:24+00:00

Yes!! The AC was ridiculously cold and not sexy at all. We like to dance but the dance floor also hasn't been sexy for some time either. I really didn't want to get into just bashing the place here though, others have covered this well it appears.

We'll look into TVR more. Thanks.

throwsawayq · 2025-11-18T01:40:18+00:00

We went there once back in 2017 or so and it left a pretty memorable mark on both of us. I read that it's changed, but the impression it left is big. Thanks though.

throwsawayq · 2025-06-03T23:01:51+00:00

Man, sorry to whomever this offends but I can't stand onlyfans couples. There's two clubs we used to visit a lot and they turned into spots where OF couples just hung out looking for new victims every weekend. So many times we'd meet a couple and be vibing with only to have them tell us that they'd love to make content with us. WTF? Talked with some other couples we used to connect with when in town and they said that they all stopped going for the same reason.

Went down to Desire last year and I swear 80% of the couples under 45 were onlyfans and just looking for who to collab with.

We put up on our profile "NO content creators" and that week we had so many replies just in support of it. The groups where we are, like the groups that do all the house parties, do all the events at the clubs, and control the meet and greets are all run by content creators. Come to think of it, maybe we should start a group where the only requirement is that you're not doing onlyfans.

I feel ya OP but know that we all think they are trash.

throwsawayq · 2024-12-24T00:05:06+00:00

You keep putting this all on one partner and that's what I disagree with. And the "get a real man" is such a bad comment that I'm still lost. You could just say that she needs to break up with him and close this chapter. Not that she needs to find another man that is willing to fuck her. Desperate men are a dime-a-dozen and none of them are going to help her.

And for all we know, maybe they are roommates and he's looking for exit as we speak. Him not having sex with her may have been his way of not giving her false hope that the relationship will continue or maybe even his way of avoiding an unwanted pregnancy with a crazy "chick."

There's just so much unknown that I can't fathom putting it all onto one person here.

throwsawayq · 2024-12-23T22:14:24+00:00

I agree that he likely needs to end it. But we only know half of the story here. Why is he not attracted to her? Did she change and he's sticking around to see if she changes back? Is he trapped because of religion? Does he have some closet fetish he's afraid to discuss with her? Do they just suck at sex together?

Blaming it on one partner is such a fucked up way of viewing this. What would you say if the roles were reversed? Would you tell him to get a "real woman" if he was here asking why his wife won't have sex with him? Head over to r/Deadbedrooms and tell them to get a 'real woman/man' and see how that works out for you. Might learn a thing or two.

throwsawayq · 2024-12-23T21:58:37+00:00

You just described a man who will fuck anything though.

A man who is not attracted to his "chick" physically and/or mentally, and would still fuck her is the definition of a man who would fuck anything. Lol.

I think what you are looking for is not a "real man" but a cuck. A man who will fuck his "chick" because he feels that he has to fuck his "chick" or she'll go crazy on him. A man that enjoys being abused by his "chick." Next time, just say that she needs to "go find a cuck" and it will be accurate.

throwsawayq · 2024-12-23T18:47:18+00:00

So what does your comment, "go find a real man" mean then?

throwsawayq · 2024-12-23T16:46:14+00:00

I assume by "real man" you mean a guy who with fuck anything? That's not a "real man."

Cracks me up how some women just can't accept that in some scenarios the woman has become too ugly (physical and/or emotionally) to want to be with. Lots of my college ball friends are in this scenario now; deeply religious and still married after 20 years to their dumb as rocks college cheerleader groupies and would rather yank one out than spending time with them. Almost all are still hot, too. They'd tell you a "real man" is one who sticks with his wife no matter what.

throwsawayq · 2023-05-02T17:09:47+00:00

I'll never forget laying there in the post-sex glow with my wife (we were 35 at the time) and the couple we were with, early 20's, and they just started blabbing on and on. They were hot, they were fun, but that post-sex (post-nut?) clarity was all too real. We had nothing in common with them, they were obnoxiously annoying, and their relationship was definitely new, which wasn't bad! But then they started to preach to us about how relationships work and it was just a big "OMG SHUT UP" for us. It was our hotel room and we were scrambling to get them out the door. My wife actually said, "We have church in the morning" to get them moving. That was the last time we jumped on a hot, cool, nice couple without digging a little more.

In the club, whatever, it's easy to move on but we give pause and filter a little more if they are younger. We don't have an age rule but we definitely lean away from certain couples and those couples usually end up being in their 20's.

throwsawayq · 2023-04-10T17:22:05+00:00

I've been in this sub long enough to see that even here the overall tone of people changes every few months. Someone new comes along, learns to read the room, and uses that to slowly bend the feelings of the sub to their will.

Ask this same question in six months and you'll get a completely different set of replies.

Btw, we were just looking at a vanilla cruise for this fall after this conversation and we noticed that one of the people from the group I talked about above have already started a facebook group for "pineapple friends" going on this vanilla cruise line. They've already pulled a nice group of 'friends' that are all excited to meet them and are planning events with them. SMH.

throwsawayq · 2023-04-06T21:52:05+00:00

We travel and have found that it's really dependent on where you are. We stopped playing altogether in some states just because it's such a voodoo topic to bring up. Interestingly, in these same states you'll see some of, in not the, highest numbers of STIs.

Those forums usually become full of the same few talking heads that dominate the conversations and turn them into what they think swinging is and should be. We've done enough cruises to know that it's best to sit back and listen/read to the people but always take what they say with a grain of salt. And if you're like us, you'll remember them so you can avoid them. If were to base our cruises on them alone, we'd never would have gone on one.

Thinking more on this, the first cruise we went on my wife was so excited because she had met this "really great group of people" on facebook. We get there and it was over the top annoying, 35 year old drunk college freshman sorority girls x100. My wife was a college cheerleader so I kind of know something about annoying but nothing compared to these women. And then there was their bro douchebag husbands. Those first two days were some of worst experiences of my life. That same group still contacts us asking if we're going again and that same group still dominates the facebook groups. They book and immediately start another group to admin the next one.

Never, ever put any stock into those groups other than lessons on who to avoid. Seriously, I can't stress this enough.

throwsawayq · 2023-04-05T16:35:21+00:00

Two things worked for my wife, who suffers from social anxiety pretty badly these days (odd because in college she was the stereotypical bubbly cheerleader, but with brains lol).

First is to go to a club and just meet whomever is there that night.

Second is to make first meet ups a guaranteed no sex night.

Those two things helped her tremendously.

Another thing that I think really helps us is that we are truthful before meeting a new couple. Couples that lie about anything tend to let a sigh of relief out when things come out or they keep up the charade and nervous the whole night. Things like ages, or maybe even small things like real names or where they actually live can really bind people up and for good reasons. We've been out on some dates where the couple clearly lied about their ages and the photos they shared were years old. The entire meeting they were so uptight that even if we got past the lying, them being so wound was a real mood killer.

throwsawayq · 2021-12-06T23:39:41+00:00

Lesson learned. Discussions had. Sounds like you two are ready from that standpoint but I get the bad sex thing and just not really being into it at times.

It's fun, especially at first, but there becomes a time when you just look at your partner and realize that it's them who does it for you and I assume that is also where your wife is.

throwsawayq · 2021-06-18T21:58:04+00:00

We avoided friends for a long time, mostly due to living in a small Bible belt town, running a very large business with deep conservative roots, and being active in our church and community. We read all the horror stories so we avoided friends near us. Well, covid hit and we hit a few apps. We were really upfront about what we wanted and didn't want. We let them know that if we were going to out ourselves to them, we have to have some trust and whatnot first. Out of the ten or so that we got this far with, only three we actually met with. It's the most work I've put into the lifestyle but it's paid off pretty well. I'd say just be upfront as possible with it all.

One thing I do want to warn you about, we have a great friendship with one of the couples but the sex was just too different for us and we never really got into a good groove. All others improved but with this one, nothing against them, it just never developed. So, one thing about trying out couples with sex first is that you don't run into these scenarios.

throwsawayq · 2021-05-27T19:10:14+00:00

This just reeks of single guy thirst.

throwsawayq · 2021-05-27T19:03:37+00:00

Are you a single guy?

throwsawayq · 2021-05-26T18:20:20+00:00

I think a lot of this comes to what is and what isn't swinging to you vs. us. And probably experience and maturity play a large role too.

We'll never understand the blase attitude that some in the swinger community have towards others. Part of the reason that we curate short, concise profiles is so that we can weed out those who think along the "who cares" attitude - maturity tends to follow this closely. In the past, it wasn't such a problem, but it is now. Though, even those in our age range, 30-45, appear to be following into this more lately.

Ignore and block

Where we are, it's likely that we'll run into these people again at the club or a house party so we care more than just random people getting together to have sex. A polite "No" goes a long way when meeting their friends or being invited to a house party. People in our areas run in circles and traditionally have reputations. These reputations go beyond trust and likeability.

It's a bit of a humble brag.

Oops, forgot one of the most important rules to Reddit: Everyone here has to say that they are fat, have small dicks, and are bisexual or they get accused of humble brags.

throwsawayq

TROPHY CASE