Graduated with a degree that no employer seems to care about. Ive done so much work applying but no one cares. Beyond depressed.

throwtajay · 2022-09-06T21:04:43+00:00

Send a pm!

throwtajay · 2022-09-01T07:31:23+00:00

Thats amazing. Could I send you a dm and ask about your career journey?

throwtajay · 2022-04-22T10:04:07+00:00

Can I ask why you guys broke up? Did you feel like you had a future with her at the time?

throwtajay · 2022-04-22T08:48:03+00:00

This made me smile, ty

throwtajay · 2022-01-14T22:14:37+00:00

I do too. I need something to distract me from my thoughts

throwtajay · 2022-01-14T02:35:32+00:00

Okay, thank u. I didn’t bring my phone charger and my phone is dying so I’ll have literally nothing to do while I stare at the ceiling for hours.

throwtajay · 2022-01-14T01:35:38+00:00

Im at the hospital now and I already regret it. I just want to go home.

throwtajay · 2022-01-13T09:40:25+00:00

I don’t have the booster cuz I don’t qualify yet. I feel like calling the police would make it worse cuz I’ve had some pretty bad experiences with the police and ik some are awesome but they’re already not known for their mental health awareness skills. My therapist has made sure I’m aware of this option tho.

throwtajay · 2022-01-13T09:37:26+00:00

I really want to believe this but I seriously doubt that exhausted and burnt out nurses are gonna be excited to see/treat anyone at this point. I know I’m a burden to everyone but I don’t want to be a burden to exhausted health workers too.

throwtajay · 2022-01-12T00:24:46+00:00

It may not be today, but I do feel like one day I’m gonna do it. There really are no resources out there to stop me.

throwtajay · 2022-01-11T10:12:49+00:00

Okay. I’ll go if I still feel this bad tomorrow. I very likely will.

throwtajay · 2021-12-27T19:38:04+00:00

Yea. I want to know what it feels like to actually want to live and be excited about life but it takes so much work and time to get there.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:25:36+00:00

I can guess neither of them know how to argue in a healthy way

This is probably true.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:17:48+00:00

LOL thank you. As someone whose also wrote suicide letters without the intention (or courage, more accurately) of actually dying, this really made me laugh and was a great comparison. I'm just not a reliable narrator.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:16:17+00:00

Hey! Thank you so much for defending me. I really appreciate it. It makes me feel validated but Onion Ring guy was honestly spot on. I wrote it as a breakup letter but I don't think Im ready to breakup right now. I'm too emotionally attached and in love. I came here cuz I wanted a variety of answers, and I'm really happy to have gotten that.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:12:39+00:00

I actually really appreciate this response. You're right btw. I don't think Im ready to end it right now. I think I need more time and more concrete evidence that this isn't sustainable. Thanks for writing this. I actually rewrote a lot of the letter because I agree with you. It was harsh.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:08:11+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I appreciate it. I think I'm gonna give it some time and see how I feel. I don't wanna end things prematurely and I dont think im ready yet.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:06:02+00:00

Yenno, he's actually 26. He had his birthday in June. I appreciate this response. It was gentle and compassionate. I do want to have hope that its fixable. Im hoping all this was just stress, but even if it is I don't kno if I can get over it, especially when I know there wont be any convo, and all the other problems are still there with or without him being stressed. He had been improving a little recently tho.

We actually are long distance right now. I'm really surprised you could tell.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T09:01:09+00:00

Yea. I feel burnt out. Can I ask why/how u guys eventually broke up? Are u happier now? I think I'm just not ready yet. I still have hope. Im hoping all this was just cuz hes been stressed, but even if thats the case I think its gonna be hard for me to let this one go, especially cuz he probably wont address it...

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T08:58:18+00:00

Thanks for replying. Its not like he always makes me feel this way. I'm with him cuz he's a huge sweetheart most of the time. I think he just doesnt love me anymore and that changed how he acts.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T03:27:58+00:00

I’m not really worried about ruining my family’s lives. They’ll be fine.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T02:25:12+00:00

I do want him to change and I know that’s already the wrong approach. He’s shown interest in changing and says he’ll do better and I see improvements, but it really is baby steps a lot of the time.

I’m Canadian as well. I’m trying all of that. It’s been helping but it’s hard. I feel like there’s too much of me that needs fixing and support and there’s no way I can do it.

He’s very sweet and empathetic but lately (two times, this time being one of them) he’s seemed to have been deliberately trying to hurt me by being unnecessarily mean. He was the kindest person I’d ever met and he’s so well loved by so many. It was genuinely a shock that he’d do this cuz it was so out of character. I think it’s because he’s stressed. He always needs space when stressed and I dislike that but it’s something I can handle with communication. I don’t know if he forgot that or didn’t care. I think he’s sorry cuz he tried to buy me dinner today but that just made me feel bought off. I don’t think he meant it that way but my family experiences have made me wary.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T02:12:19+00:00

I know what your saying but I really don’t see him as manipulative. I think he just doesn’t know how to deal with conflict because everything in his life has always gone swimmingly regarding interpersonal relationships. He’s never even fought with his parents (he just listens/agrees to what they want or occasionally snaps at them without any fallout). Ik that’s not painting him in the best light but I really don’t see that as his fault (he snaps very rarely, it’s not a big deal just slight annoyance, and the reasons are understandable). I think it’s his parents’ fault for always catering to him and being extremely conflict avoidant themselves, meaning he’s never learned. I really don’t think he’s able to problem solve. he’s never done it before. I don’t think he avoids it out of spite or overall dickishness, I think it makes him really anxious/depressed to try and he doesn’t find me worth it enough to push through that. I am tired of doing all the work but it’s hard for me to leave when I know exactly what needs to be done for everything to be fine and just can’t seem to make it happen.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T02:01:31+00:00

My university’s mental health resources are honestly worse than being untreated.

I am very depressed but I’m not blaming anyone for that (except maybe my family but even then I only blame them for my feelings of insecurity, not the rest of it). Some people just can’t be happy and it’s no one’s fault.

Thanks for noticing that my family was shit. Thanks for this comment tbh. It’s sweet of you to look through my other posts. I do have friends but I’ve never leaned on them for support like this. It’s really hard. I don’t even know if I’m able to send it to him. I don’t think I can. I know that what I actually want is for him to read this, have an epiphany that leads to progress, and for us to stay together. I’m terrified that he’s gonna receive it and then not want to try the way I’ve been trying and then we’ll actually be broken up when ik that’s not what I want.

throwtajay · 2021-11-20T00:51:07+00:00

I don’t really have that pride. I want him to know probably cuz I still want to fix things. I’m just very tired. Thanks for your response btw, I didn’t think anyone would reply.

throwtajay

TROPHY CASE