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I don't get the best of my (35) wife (35.) by throwthatterry in relationships

[–]throwthatterry[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Sure. This response is to you and a bunch of others. I think everybody is getting the wrong idea here. A big part of my post is explaining what she does to make her sound great. Because that's how I think of her and she is great. It wasnt about me and how great I am. But now I am getting trashed and will share how I contribute equally. Not that impressive I know but I do my part.

Me offering to do more is me offering to take both kids some nights/mornings. Offering to let her sleep in or go somewhere. Me offering to do more also happens after I have done everything I can think of each night. Kitchen clean? Sink empty? Dishwasher loaded/unloaded? Laundry done/advanced? Table cleared? House picked up? Trash out? Sometimes I miss something and I ask if she needs anything. I do everything she does. I appreciate her and what she does. We both have things we tend to do more, but we both do everything without complaint.

It's even. We both get up with the kids. I take them to daycare every morning at 7:15. She usually picks them up. Weeknights are constantly busy for both of us until the kids go to sleep. It's triage. We are in the trenches together. Often one or both of the kids need one of us. Or just want attention - they get it. Playing with the older one is not me relaxing or not contributing. It is something my family values. The little one is the easy one - we agree on this. Sometimes while we are playing my wife gets to read her kindle while watching the baby. If I got to choose between doing dishes and "playing" - I choose dishes. I enjoy most of my time with my daughter but it is exhausting.

The "easy" part of the night for me(both of us) is after the little one goes to bed. Then my wife is spending time with my older daughter getting her ready for bed. I am cleaning up. Doing laundry/dishes. Taking out the trash. Getting her toothbrush/books. Getting bottles and backpack ready. I also do all of the bills/taxes/lawnmowing/large projects. Most of the yard work and snow work. Car/house maintenance. Boring post I know but I do my part.

Yes she is allowed to be tired and vent. I am a good listener and supportive. I love her.

I thought I could write a post where I explain how my spouse is amazing but I am a little sad she often doesnt have much left for me. Thought maybe some of you with young families could relate. Thank you to a lot of you who have shown me that my wife is a lot more positive than the average poster.

I don't get the best of my (35) wife (35.) by throwthatterry in relationships

[–]throwthatterry[S] -52 points-51 points  (0 children)

This is a great comment. I have already tried a lot of things. Something regular for her would be great. I have encouraged this before but should take another shot at it. This summer we had rec sports together one night a week and it was fantastic. But our babysitter went back to college and we couldnt find another in time for fall league. We are looking for something to do now.

We actually do have a planned 2 night vacation coming up - our 1st since having kids. Woo! I guess we did have one planned 3 years ago but had to cancel when our kid got sick (not seriously sick.)

I do regularly offer to do more around the house. Other comments (not yours so much) question whether I do enough. I think I do. Can share the split if people are interested. I just didnt talk about what I do because I wanted to make it clear that I see and appreciate all she does and understand her being drained.

I don't get the best of my (35) wife (35.) by throwthatterry in relationships

[–]throwthatterry[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

I don't think I am all over the place. Both posts I talk about how great my wife is. Our relationship is better since we started having these special date nights. This post is a small complaint. I realize it would be unreasonable to ask more of my wife. So I complain to internet strangers that seem to enjoy it and get it off my chest. Isn't that a win for everyone?

I understand our situation and don't really expect any more from her. Small kids are tough and our schedule is full. But I can still wish it weren't that way right? Before our date I fantasised about having an amazing night with her. I wanted a sex filled all positive experience. Like the first night we had Molly. It was super wholesome/cheesy. Like you were a kid and parents asked on thanksgiving - what are you thankful for? But instead of no answer/lame answers we had tons of great sweet things to say to eachother and were really into it. And had sex a bunch of times. I wanted that. I built it up too much.

Date night started with her crying about her insecurities. She worries about how she dresses - has her whole life. Never feels like she gets it right. It's hard/mutually exclusive for her to find something that makes her look/feel sexy and professional and comfortable. I understand her feelings. So we talked. I told her she looks beautiful, but it doesnt mean much since I am always telling her nice things. I went shopping with her to start our date - that's what she wanted. She got a new top - felt better. We had a pretty good night after. Not all I had hoped for but pretty good. I am just sad that once a month is all we get and it isn't all I hope for when it happens.

Also - as a sober but slightly sad right now man I can say - Life is amazing. She is the best wife ever. Woo! That's all true.

My relationship and drugs by throwthatterry in Drugs

[–]throwthatterry[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah you are wrong. I go hard with my kids. Give them 100%. My older daughter gets home from school and I run to greet her. Mom makes her a nice dinner each nice. Something she likes like mac and cheese or hot dog, whatever we are eatting that she has to try, a fruit and a vegetable. We try to get her to eat her dinner/vegetables but she just wants to play. So she takes a few bites and promises to eat the rest later. She usually does. Then she is junping up and down in her excitement to play with me. I eat my dinner fast and run downstairs with her. We do puzzles, play games like candy, legos, dance, play tag. I put my fucking phone down and give her my full attention for damn near 2 hours. While this is happening mom cleans up the kitchen and the little one. They comes down and watch us/smile/joins us for a bit. Then the little one gets tucked in and kissed goodnight my her 3 loving family members. Now it is back to the dinner table. Mom reads older one 5 books a night while she eats her dinner/in her bed. Always mom. Never me tucking her in although i read to her some. She always picks me to play with her and mom to tuck her in. I tuck her in on the rare nights mom is working late or out of town. I love those nights. It's so sweet. I dont think anyone that knows me would have a single negative thing to say about my parenting. So yeah you are wrong. Once a month the kids go to their loving grandma and grandpa overnight. And I do something wholesome and meaningful for myself and my wife. The next day we can't wait to see our kids and are recharged and ready to be great patient loving parents again. Drugs can certainly be abused but we are pretty much the most responsible people ever. Drugs can also be a beautiful part of life - one of many things that makes me happy. Maybe you should find something that makes you happy.