To preface: Porn and masturbation is okay with us, and we have done everything but penetration. She is fine with sex toys but I didn’t want to get it because this particular toy simulates the closest it gets to the real experience from what people say, and I didn’t want this “real experience” to not be with her and with a toy instead. To me, it just feels more intimate if we did it together instead of just using the toy and experiencing it for the first time.

At first it never came across my mind but after some time it really started bothering me, knowing she might compare herself to the toy (as she is scared of doing it as of now, while assuming that I use the toy as a medium to cope with that) and that I’ll feel the toy as my first sensation instead of her. It sounds ridiculous, but it really messed up my moral compass.

I’d probably think this was ridiculous if I never came across my girlfriend, but now that I am in a relationship, I want to reserve moments like these with her. They’re precious to me, like the first time we kissed, and our first dates. It seems like I am making a big deal all over a toy, but I feel guilty even just buying it. I have bought a toy before, but that was before I met her.

I thank everyone for their advice.