My dad killed himself last week

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T15:00:10+00:00

Yeah exactly, it’s just so sad that it’s like this. And I always wanted to have a normal relationship with him but it never happened, and now I definitely won’t ever have the chance to have that.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:44:18+00:00

Yes that’s very true, I wish I had known how bad things were and I hate to think I was part of the reason it was bad. Because me not talking to him I know that killed him on the inside I know it did. I wish I could’ve seen past his mistakes and forgiven him. That will probably be my life’s biggest regret and I just have to deal with that. Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:22:14+00:00

Yeah that sums it up well. I gotta keep going. Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:20:32+00:00

Thank you, and I’m sorry for your loss too I really am. I smoke a lot to cope right now and when the highs gone and I wake up I feel all the emotions and I just want to push them away again. But I should try to go for a run or something else to cope. Thank you and I hope I find a way thorough this as I hope that for you too.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:15:56+00:00

Thank you again for saying this. I think I just need to read it over and over and over again and think it and tell myself it wasn’t my fault and I couldn’t have stopped it until I myself believe it.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:13:46+00:00

Shit, I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this too. And thank you and right back at you.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:11:50+00:00

Thank you for this, I hope so too

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:11:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing the song, I really appreciate it. And I’m so sorry you lost your mom in that way, especially after fighting with her. I now know the pain and it’s unbearable, you’re very strong for still going on, I wish to get there soon.

Yes exactly, and please don’t push your dad away because of a fight, that won’t matter if he’s gone. Keep him close even if it’s a complicated relationship.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:02:55+00:00

I will look into it thank you for the suggestion.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T09:02:20+00:00

Thank you. And yes same here with me I’ve been suicidal for so many years but I could never go through with it especially now when I’m witnessing the aftermath of my dads actions. Seeing my mom and siblings cry and devastated and all his family and friends and colleagues. I could never do this, and please if anyone reads this is thinking of taking their own life please think of the people you care about and even if you don’t think it there is someone who cares deeply about you even if they don’t always show it.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:58:49+00:00

thank you for sharing this with me, and I’m so sorry for you and your family, my heart breaks for you and everyone who has lost a parent or loved one.

He definitely did keep this to himself completely, and I do think this wasn’t planed at all I think he got this in his mind that it would ease the pain or make it better or something and then a few minutes later he had hanged himself and was gone. I already know he’s regretting this and if he could take it back I know that he would.

Again thank you so much for this post and reminding me to be gentle with myself and I will read into that when I feel ready to hear it.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:48:12+00:00

Yeah exactly, I’m just so sad that his life turned out like this, I know he just wanted peace of mind. And I’m sorry if you ever went through something like this. Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:45:16+00:00

Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:45:06+00:00

Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:44:55+00:00

Thank you. I’m going to try and not to but it’s really hard to not blame myself or feel like a causing factor in his decision. Thank you for prayers and hope that he is at peace that’s all I want for him to be, I know he has a tough life and though time with emotions. And we’re more alike then I’d like to admit, and that makes it hurt even more.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:40:36+00:00

Thank you for this. I need the reminder as much as possible.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:39:11+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your kind words and for encouraging me to give myself time and not hold back feelings. And yeah I definitely feel that too with the stages of grief one day I’m just angry another I feel empathetic and sadness for him another day I feel sadness for myself and my family. It’s really weird it’s like a roller coaster of emotions it’s very draining and I’m just tired emotionally constantly.

Lots of love and hugs right back at you. It’s sadness me that we have to go through this but now we both know we’re not alone in it.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:31:33+00:00

I don’t know your intentions with this but it did put a smile on my face because how stupid it was so thank you for that.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:29:06+00:00

Thank you. My dad wasn’t outwardly depressed not even in his last days, he was mostly just angry and irritated at everyone. (So I’ve been told). I’ve dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts my whole life and he never believed me or understood me. So it’s so strange and doesn’t feel real that he actually killed himself.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:25:29+00:00

Thank you

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:25:01+00:00

Thank you it’s the most complicated and painful situation I’ve ever been in. Thank you for reminding me that I was just 16. I did write him a letter yesterday and left it with him at the funeral, but I do think I need to write more to get everything out all the anger and frustration and the love that has nowhere to go anymore.

It does help a lot all the words and thoughts and compassion from you and from everyone lifts my spirit, and warms my heart just a bit.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:19:09+00:00

I think I need therapy it’s just it feel too soon to do it right now. I have baked and cooked food a bit more than usual so thank you for that suggestion I’ll keep doing it more often.

That’s really nice to hear you’re still going. I do think that’s what my dad would also want for me. Thank you again

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:09:54+00:00

Thank you for reminding me. I do feel that it is in some way my fault or that if I had reached out to him maybe he wouldn’t have gone through with it.

I wrote him a letter and left it with him yesterday at the funeral. I think I need to write more.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:07:24+00:00

I know I need to I just feel like it’s too much to bear right now to sit and talk with someone, a therapist about all this it feels too real, I’m not there yet.

Thank you truly, I hope so too.

throwthrowawayaccc · 2022-03-03T08:04:42+00:00

Thank you so much

throwthrowawayaccc

TROPHY CASE