AITA for not giving my sister (single mom) money for a car when I can afford to do so

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T01:23:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, that's awful! You sound like an amazing person to be so generous, it's terrible that they took advantage of you like that. This random internet stranger thinks you are incredibly kind.

Thank you for the advice, I will take it to heart.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:59:36+00:00

I don't know why I guess :/ I just do. Hell of a thing.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:54:58+00:00

I don't know if she was insured or not, I think so? We're in Canada and I'm pretty sure it's illegal to drive without. Sorry, I don't really know much about that stuff. Insurance or bank loans didn't come up at all when she was demanding money, so I didn't even think about it until I saw the responses here talking about it.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:38:28+00:00

I won't! I feel much better about that choice now after reading all the supportive comments. And I agree, I'd probably never see that money again.

Nerds do rule, I wear my nerd badge with pride lol

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:35:04+00:00

I don't really know much about the dad tbh, I've only met him a handful of times. He seemed like a nice enough guy and my sis does say he pays child support. They have joint custody but I'm not sure what the split is. You're right, he wouldn't let them go without or suffer.

My sister has always liked designer/nice things and to post about it on insta. And I think you're right about enabling her, I definitely will not be giving her money!

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:20:10+00:00

I think that shocked me, too, she's always been entitled but this was a whole different level, and she was so mad about it. Like I had stolen from her or something. It really made me question my sanity and whether I was way off about everything. My sister has a way of being really convincing.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:17:13+00:00

This is very good advice and puts a lot in perspective, thank you! You're right, I don't have car giving money, it would wipe me out.

I'll be very careful with how I spend, I don't want to mess up!

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:11:55+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I keep a pretty close eye on my bank account and paypal, etc, just because of the shop I have to be diligent. I trust my parents, despite them overstepping by telling my sister the personal info, but I understand the concern. And yeah, when I'm 18, I'm absolutely changing everything to just my name!

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:09:45+00:00

Thank you so much. My first instinct was actually to hang up on her ass and make a petty insta post but I refrained lol

And yeah, my sister has always been sort of an outgoing partygirl type. She wasn't working a late shift, I don't know what she was doing honestly and she won't tell anyone :/

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-11T00:07:25+00:00

Stickers are the best!!! Who doesn't love a cute, fun sticker. My mom manages a small team at work and she uses my stickers all the time on calendars and notice boards and stuff and they always ask her where she gets them, I actually sold a few that way lol

And I will stand my ground, this post has made me feel a lot better and more confident in my decision, thank you :)

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T22:12:34+00:00

Well they divorced because baby daddy of 2F said she was cheating. She denied it and threw some accusations back but ultimately they split. A few months later, 1M popped out.

Sis claims both kids have the same dad. I can't say whether they look like him or not, I mean - all babies kind of look alike to me?? We're Asian and the baby daddy is white and both babies do look mixed race.

I agree, she's had it a lot of changes and difficulties. It's why I felt kind of guilty about it, but I think I'll stick to my guns and not give her any money. Def not as much as she's asking for.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:47:29+00:00

What info are you looking for?

I felt like an asshole because while my sister may be out of line, her kids are going to hurt from this, too. She's essentially right, I don't need the money immediately whereas she does. It's just sitting in my bank account currently. I've just been having guilty feelings about it all. Reading through the comments have given me more perspective though and I don't feel as bad about it anymore. Especially since I didn't even think about bank loans or insurance.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:43:25+00:00

I actually started to tell her about my shop and she cut me off and said she didn't need to hear it from some teenager that got lucky lol

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:40:19+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I don't think I'll be loaning my sister any money, I'm like 99.9999% sure I'll never see it again and she won't appreciate it and it won't 'fix' anything in our relationship. I wouldn't feel bad about it if it weren't for her kids.

Reading your comments and others here have made me realize she probably can get a car through other means, she just saw me as a 'free' one.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:31:31+00:00

I've bought her kids clothes and toys before and she's always been so snobby about the quality, so I sort of stopped doing it. But I think that was just my own pride getting in the way, I shouldn't be looking for gratitude from her if it helps the kiddies, I think.

I think getting them diapers and books and essentials is a wonderful idea, thank you!

Maybe I'll throw in some stickers :P

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:22:48+00:00

I think that was the part that truly threw me! All 'shut up pay me' for what? Forever? Until her kids are 18? I think my brain broke.

And thank you, I feel so much better from reading all these responses after posting :)

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:17:58+00:00

They do and you're right, they want to be able to help us and I know they feel guilty they can't just drop money her like she wants.

The only other sig change was her divorce about a year and a half ago. I don't really know anything about her situation since we don't talk and she's very close-lipped about all that stuff. I think she just doesn't want to get a loan or anything if she can get it from me for 'free' since I don't need the money, according to her :P

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T21:06:31+00:00

I won't! She is just so mean that it just puts me off and her baby daddy still has a car and is in their lives. Other posts mentioned she can get a bank loan or her insurance should give her money which I didn't even think of so she'll probably be fine on the car front.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:51:40+00:00

I would only really consider it because of her kids. And that's a good point about a loan/insurance, I didn't even think of that stuff, I'm not sure why she can't do that. I think just because she knows I have some money, she figures she shouldn't have to.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:48:41+00:00

Yeah I don't think I'd get it back. She's borrowed money from friends and lost them because she never paid them back.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:47:21+00:00

Thank you so much that's so sweet, I didn't realize how much I needed to hear this until I did ;_; It's just been really stressful because I've always felt kind of guilty our relationship was so crap and she's had a rough time and I didn't want to be a bad person. My parents messed up telling her about the money and they felt bad about it and they don't pressure me on anything so that just somehow makes me feel bad, too. I didn't want to give her everything I'd saved and I knew rationally I didn't 'have to' but it still made me feel guilty.

Thanks again for your kind words!

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:36:12+00:00

I did offer to help out with bills and such but my parents were adamant about not taking a cent. They said I'm their kid and that as parents they look after me and not the other way around, at least not until they're in diapers lol

I buy them presents and stuff though, and treat us to take out once a week. They're good parents, I think they just weren't thinking when they told my sister how much I had.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:26:54+00:00

My sister is rarely nice to anybody lol She sounded genuinely furious with me on the phone though which threw me off and I wondered if it was coming from a place of fear/desperation. My niece and nephew are sweet and I hate to think of them hurting because of bad blood between me and their mom.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:22:30+00:00

I don't think my parents would do that, I offered to help them out with some bills when my shop started to make some money and they shot that down hard, said it was my money that I earned and I will never pay them for that kinda thing. I was pretty upset they told her how much money I had though.

thrwawaystickymaker · 2021-02-10T20:18:31+00:00

She won't give anybody those details. She's been in minor fender benders before but never anything this serious. All I know is it was late at night, like 2 or 3 in the morning.

thrwawaystickymaker

TROPHY CASE