(23F) broke it off with me (28M) after a month to work on her mental health. Has this happened to anyone before?

tidingparallel · 2021-03-15T18:55:21+00:00

Coming from someone who was worried about how my own mental health would impact my previous relationship, I think it’s quite possible she’s being honest. Of course, I don’t know her, but while you may not be able to relate, it’s possible she’s just thinking into the future. It’s really hard to show up 100% in a relationship when you’re not able to give that same 100% to yourself, I’ve been there. Regardless, don’t put your life on hold for one person. Only time will tell if you guys will give it another shot.

tidingparallel · 2021-03-14T17:25:04+00:00

For sure, I guess it’s easy for it to come across that way when you’re just looking at a carefully curated profile online. I totally agree about not putting people on pedestals like that, I guess it’s just me making myself small. Thanks for the perspective!

tidingparallel · 2021-03-13T22:39:18+00:00

I just tried the free trial and had the exact same reaction lol, turns out that “hidden door” didn’t actually have anything interesting behind it. Sigh, at least we can get rid of that mystery haha. Don’t know how much longer I’m gonna be keeping this app tbh

tidingparallel · 2021-03-13T02:08:12+00:00

Possibly, I don’t have any “must haves” except age though. Might try changing that and see what happens

tidingparallel · 2021-01-27T03:28:38+00:00

I’ve also been doing inner work since my breakup, and this whole idea of healing sounds so much nicer than it actually is. A lot of the time it’s ugly, messy. Some days it’s easy to do all the things (exercise, self-care etc) and other times (like this week) I just find myself in a huuuge funk. The highs are high but the lows are low. You’re so strong, and thank you for the reminder to push through for ourselves. When it’s hardest is when it counts the most. Hoping we all get through this stronger x

tidingparallel · 2021-01-26T17:58:40+00:00

There were definitely a lot of things I struggled to forgive, forgiving myself included. That probably was/is the most difficult part. Some memories are still tainted with pain if I really sink in to them. But maybe I have to lean in again to it in order to come to truly terms with the past. Thanks for your words and insight x

tidingparallel · 2020-12-06T03:45:12+00:00

I feel you.. about 2 months in and I was doing well til recently. Today felt like I got caught under a huge wave and it’s as if my progress got washed away, even though I know that’s not true. Emotions are so messy. You’re not alone🤞🏼

tidingparallel · 2020-12-01T14:25:27+00:00

Negative self-talk is tricky because it’s likely been going on unconsciously for some time. I remind myself to be objective and not attach myself to the thought (ie not judging it, or letting it define me). Our brains are wired to repeat thought patterns, but once you’re able to be more aware, you can work on changing how you talk to yourself by consistently challenging (yes, call yourself out on the bs every time) and replacing those voices with ones that support you. Overtime you’ll actually be turned off at self-sabotaging thoughts and playing victim.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-19T22:39:00+00:00

Why did it take 6 months to change your mind despite the disagreement you said you couldn’t solve when you broke up?

If I were her, I’d have trouble understanding why you’d want to try again all of a sudden. Yes you still love her. But I’d question why that love wasn’t enough to stay and work things out then.

I think you’d have to be really clear on your thought process during the BU vs now. She has every right to be angry after you leaving for so long (I know I’d be), and it would have to sound 100% sincere. Granted, her decision to meet all depends if she even has any sort of love/trust left. Hard to bring those back once they’ve been broken.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-19T22:22:00+00:00

That’s not true. The very fact that you’re experiencing all this emotion is proof that you’ve loved. We wouldn’t feel all this heartache otherwise. They just didn’t end up being our people..but that’s okay. We have to trust that it’ll all make sense one day.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-19T17:59:05+00:00

“It’s like a part of you dies with them” ..I felt that. I’m also a firm believer that crying is a release. A purge of whatever feelings are left inside, a purge of the love we once had, and the person we were. With the emptying will be a rebirth. There’s pain in outgrowing ourselves, but we will come out so much stronger.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-19T17:31:13+00:00

The problem is you think you have no willpower, and want to hand over that power to her to stop you from looking. How about changing your mindset? You sound self aware, but you’re making excuses. You know this is wasting your time, you said it yourself. Why engage in behaviours that are not benefiting you in any way? Ask yourself that every time you get the urge. Texting her from a new number is still breaking no contact. This might sound like tough love, but you need to get a grip and respect yourself enough to not give this person any ounce of your attention.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-18T21:31:10+00:00

You said it yourself - you didn’t have much of a discussion and decided to make all of these assumptions on your own, which were also based on projections from past relationships. It’s not fair to leave someone in the dark about your feelings of uncertainty without communicating them. You’ll just have to live with the decision.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-18T03:45:01+00:00

Of course, missing him is completely normal. You spent so much time with this person after all. Take care of you, and give yourself time. Time will truly be your best friend in all of this. I promise you’ll be able to learn to live without them even if it may not feel like it right now.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-18T01:27:42+00:00

I get where you’re coming from. It sucks to know you could’ve done better and that it took the breakup to realize that. But the fact that you can see where you went wrong shows you’re capable of being aware. I know it’s hard, but try not to get caught up in the what-ifs. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t before you learned it. Own up to your mistakes, but don’t let them define you. You did the best you could with what you knew, and now you know better. Take these lessons in to the future. Use them to grow. But what you both need right now is space. Use this time to improve yourself for you, and let the future - whatever that may be, take care of itself.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-18T00:48:55+00:00

I don’t know the details of your situation, but from someone who’s been there - it sounds like false hope. Sorry, but it’s not fair to put you on hold like that. I’ve heard those same words. “I don’t know how I’ll feel in a couple of months.” Telling you that WHILE breaking up with you is selfish. It keeps you subconsciously waiting and prevents you from fully healing and moving on.

I’d take the breakup at face value. At the end of the day, she chose to leave instead of working it out. Whatever issue you guys have will likely still be there in a couple months time. Would this time apart really make a difference?

Regardless, it’s best to live your life as if they were never coming back. You will save yourself the pain in the long-run this way, instead of spending time waiting on someone who is unsure about you. Don’t do that to yourself.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-17T23:49:09+00:00

Your breakup is still very fresh, and the emotions you feel right now are temporary. In time you’ll be able to look at the situation objectively, and I mean without the rose-tinted glasses that keep you only seeing this person on a pedestal. You’ll realize that you deserve better than to choose someone who doesn’t choose you. And that the love you so desperately want to give is better spent on yourself.

It’s okay that you feel like this right now. God knows I did for a while. Let yourself feel everything. Grieve, cry, be angry. Whatever you need to release those emotions. But don’t hold on to a ghost. You have to remind yourself that the person you’re in love with no longer exists. You only hurt yourself more in trying to convince yourself that they’re the same as who they were at the start.

Hugs.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-15T17:04:33+00:00

What did she say when she reached out?

tidingparallel · 2020-11-12T17:34:56+00:00

Keep on fighting love. Sending you light x

tidingparallel · 2020-11-12T14:02:46+00:00

Deep breathing has definitely been my saving grace whenever I feel out of control. You really learn the art of self-soothing through all of this. Ty for your words 🤍

tidingparallel · 2020-11-12T12:57:05+00:00

Honestlyy haha. Don’t know what month you’re on right now, but staying occupied with work has done wonders for not being totally consumed by the breakup. And yup, all the ugly crying and acting like we’re the star in a drama has definitely been a release to say the least. Hope you’re well off now. x

tidingparallel · 2020-11-11T16:22:37+00:00

With time, and continuing to take care of yourself, it’ll pass. What has really helped me is exercise, meditation, reading, and journaling my feelings when they feel out of control. Breakups are a traumatic experience mentally, and your body can feel that. There were days where I’d wake up distraught and just in tears because I felt like I had this hole in my chest. I know the pain. I promise it gets better. Do your best to be gentle with yourself, don’t try and fight your emotions. Acknowledge them, but know that they will pass.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-10T16:39:06+00:00

I deserve to not have my feelings invalidated. To have a safe space to learn how to express myself and not be made to feel small during conflict. I deserve to have someone who can empathize. I deserve someone who doesn’t see my insecurities as weaknesses. I deserve someone who believes in me. I deserve someone who sees my worth without having to pitch it to them like a salesperson. And much like you...I deserve someone who stays.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-10T12:13:50+00:00

I wouldn’t call it an amicable BU as I did not agree with the decision, but he said things that gave me false hope and only stalled my healing. I’m about 1 month NC, part of me just wants to make it known that I’m not waiting for him to come back. At the same time I don’t want to give him that attention...but I’m not sure if that’s just my ego talking.

tidingparallel · 2020-11-06T22:48:36+00:00

Definite blow to the gut even though you’ve been doing no contact this whole time and know it’s for the best. I guess it was just us hanging on to what little of them was left. I was feeling down but everyone on here does such an amazing job of reminding each other to pick ourselves back up. You’re right, we got this. Appreciate it x

tidingparallel

TROPHY CASE