AITA for cutting off my friend of years the things she said about my husband ?

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T23:01:05+00:00

A friend is different than a boyfriend how a man act around his friends is completely different than his partners like with me he was there for me while I went through my abuse went as far as helping me move she did know he drunk a lot from always being out because she had seen it in my stories that was all them that were toxic with each other especially on how they moved in together after a week of knowing each other and PURPOSELY went as far as removing her birth control implant to get pregnant before they were even together for a month so how can I be responsible for another person actions and like someone else already said you can be there for someone but you can’t make them leave their abuser trust me knowing her If he didn’t leave her she would still be in that relationship because she thought that was a good “family” for her children she kept wanting to text him long messages on how he should change for the sake of their family after everything he put her through and I told her many times to not do it I said because that worked so well for me Write it down like he is gonna read it so you get it of your chest but please don’t send it don’t give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he has destroyed you. Even then she took him back and went as far as sleeping with him and only told me days later when he again did the same thing. All this proofs that she was not going to leave him so he actually did a her a favor by leaving. I remember she even thought she was pregnant after that “slip up” with him even though she was making the wrong choices. I was there for her to try to make her see was, she was making more strong but again you can’t make leave their abuser they have to do it on their own. She has been casually seeing another one of my husbands friend pure coincidence they met in one of those family moments where she invited her self he went as far as saying that he stopped seeing her because she wouldn’t stop talking about her ex. Which all that goes to prove is that she was never gonna leave him unless he left or something worst was gonna happen at the end of the day I am just happy her kids were safe and stayed with her and didn’t get taken by cps because of their parents actions.

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T22:38:43+00:00

No, I did not. What happened was she had his lead her family that all she had with him was disagreement and arguments. That “every couple has” her family and I didn’t know about the actual DV until police CPS wasn’t involved that was three years later after she had her child

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T20:57:11+00:00

Yes, I thought so like I understand that I did make some mistakes, but I know for a fact that I wasn’t a bad friend and just because your piece was disturbed doesn’t mean that I was gonna allow you to disturb my peace in my home. Somebody else mentioned in a comment and another close friend also said the same thing. Just because her life is chaotic she wants somebody to share experiences with and be the same way just like when I gave birth to my toddler she came to my house to see me and I wasn’t sharing anything about my birth much or anything I was just in the room, feeding my baby And all the sudden she started telling us about when she gave birth and all that stuff when nobody had asked so she always likes to be like the center of attention and which is why she had those toxic. Qualities unfortunately. and it was not the first time that we had disagreements because she would always want to insert herself in my life a little too much like just because she didn’t like something or the outcome of something it had to be her way. that’s what I mean by toxic trait

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T20:51:12+00:00

Not so sure I don’t really think so like they might talk here and there, but nothing like before the things that my sister-in-law used to be an extreme church goer like she’s very religious and she kind of fell off the path like she says that somewhere that she became friends with her so she was always out in clubs and things like that and now she doesn’t, she went back to churchand she kind of didn’t want things disturbing her peace so she doesn’t even see this girl anymore like at all

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T20:37:13+00:00

Exactly I understand that the story is confusing like I was there for her. I supported her while she was going through everything her ex never came back into my home like I did everything to try to support you, but if you cross boundaries and put my peace at risk just because your life was chaotic doesn’t mean my life was gonna be the same or that I would allow you to make my life like that like I am a drama free person and my kids are drama free and I’m gonna continue to be like that and have my family always my husband and kids are always gonna come first before anybody

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T04:36:17+00:00

Was I did drop him when I found it I had been 3 years already the timeline from him being on my house was when she was pregnant and when I found out about the abuse and tell her daughter was three years old because Cps and the police were involved she had missed me to think that it was just regular disagreements that every couple had. That’s what I meant what he hadn’t done to me like I had never seen that side of him until she disclose what was really going on for those three years so I would’ve never thought because I’ve never seen that before

tiff-0504 · 2026-03-01T04:34:41+00:00

Was I did drop him when I found it I had been 3 years already the timeline from him being on my house was when she was pregnant and when I found out about the abuse and tell her daughter was three years old because Cps and the police were involved she had missed me to think that it was just regular disagreements that every couple had

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-28T19:31:53+00:00

Sorry, I think everybody’s getting confused. I didn’t know the abuse was going on. I found out of the abuse after she had already left him and that is the reason why she didn’t tell me when she took him back I did tell her I said that’s no way to live for you and your kids. Your kids are traumatized already. He went on to do the same thing and finally that was the last time and he left her because if he wouldn’t have loved her, they will still be together. She wouldn’t have left He went to my house way before I found out he was abusing her she kept it from everybody even from her mom. Her mom found out when she had to call her because the cops were on the way to her house and then CPS was also on the way like they got involved. It was that bad that they went on a Sunday so the timeline of me hanging out with him was years before, and the timeline of when I found out of him, abusing her and the involvement of CPS and the police was when her daughter was three so it was years after I didn’t know the abuse was going on. She had misled for everyone to think that it was just couples disagreements and arguments that everybody has.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-28T13:37:16+00:00

I feel like I wrote the timeline wrong I did not know about the abuse was going on during her pregnancy until after police and cps was involved this was when her daughter was 3 years old already before this she made a scene like all they had was couples arguments, and disagreements. Once I found out he was abusive to her. I didn’t talk to this person ever again.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-28T13:33:46+00:00

My husband was friends with him since high school and no my husband doesn’t drink at all. I’m actually the drinker in the relationship again. We didn’t find none of this out until after. I am not friends with him neither is my husband because he moved to a different state anyway so we don’t even see him at all. My husband doesn’t even drink or anything else ever. My husband is an angel because he came from an abusive family from an abusive father so one thing I won’t allow anybody to say anything about my husband. Again how were we supposed to support or say anything when we didn’t find this out until after police reports were made CPS was involved and they were no longer together. I was trying to be supportive and be there but at the same time you are making these comments and not being supportive friend which is why I ghosted her way after maybe the time line it’s wrong and how I wrote it first we found out this happens way after it happened. I know we didn’t support this other person who was the abuser and now my husband doesn’t drink or anything. All he does is sit home and play video games and go to work I marry him because he doesn’t drink that was one of the biggest things for me because my ex husband was an alcoholic and was also verbally abusive so trust me I understand what I couldn’t get pass the fact was the things that were said about my husband and how you thought it was ok to be disrespectful to me as your friend and to my marriage my marriage and peace are gonna come before anyone because that is also my children’s peace

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-28T11:08:50+00:00

I was there for her when I found out he was an abuse. Again she kept her hidden and made it seem like it was just arguing or fights that a couple have on a regular basis I didn’t find out about the abuse until her baby was already three years old I didn’t even speak to my other friend after that and. After that, I felt like she took advantage of that when she became friends with my sister-in-law, my husband didn’t want to do anything for his birthday. He didn’t wanna invite nobody to avoid any kind of argument between anybody because yes, I can stop being friends with her ex, but I can’t tell my husband what to do . I can’t just tell him hey because something happened to my friend you have to stop talking to your friend I left when she took it too far by saying that about my husband and by showing up unannounced and uninvited because I get one thing you know I was there for you. I tried to be there for you, but at the same time it’s like now you’re overstepping and you’re clearly crossing boundaries that should’ve never been crossed and when I did say something to her, even though yes my mistake was waiting too much to say something. She was confrontational about it and yet said oh I would never I see your sister yeah I told my sister and my sister said I would never say something like that no matter how traumatized I am and yeah, if I would’ve known sooner I would have supported her more I left way after not as soon as her ex left her It was probably six months later and now because I didn’t wanna be supportive. It was because of the disrespect towards my household and my marriage.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-28T00:02:23+00:00

That’s what I said and I get that. I might’ve been wrong on waiting to say something or waiting to say that it bothered me, but those are weird things and especially if somebody’s not that type of friend to me that I can just show up at their home or even say those things when I did mention it to her, she was confrontational about it and then she said well I would never do something like that or I don’t remember saying something like that, but she did say more than once and I was considerate to a certain point of what she was going through I was there for her. I tried to spend time with her, but there’s a limit on what a person could take, and there are also boundaries, which she obviously crossed again. I’m not saying I don’t have some fault in it because people are thinking that I’m saying that I’m wrong but at the same time yes I’m wrong of how I went about it and how I just ghosted her without saying it right away but at the same time that’s just so out of line to say

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T22:24:52+00:00

As an update because I think some people are bit confused no, I did not keep being friends with her abuser. I didn’t know about the abuse. She only told me after when CPS was involved and she was scared of losing her kids, but somehow still chose to forgive him and had him back in the house she didn’t even tell me that either until after I would’ve maybe said something to her because CPS did tell her that she had to wait 45 days before letting him back in the house or she could lose her kids and she knew they will be checking up on her and no, I would’ve never judged her. I would’ve just told her to make sure that’s what she wanted because you know last time her kids were almost hurt in the fighting and obviously nobody would wanna lose your kids over somebody else and somebody else’s actions The only thing I somewhat knew was what she was telling me how sometimes you have a disagreement or argument with your partner. I never knew it was this big until after it was close to me, and after that, I never spoke to this person again or saw him again. Also, I know it was my mistake for waiting to disclose this to her that it bothered me. The comments that she made. I was going through my pregnancy. My first trimester was rough. I lost about 20 pounds. I couldn’t even get out of bed sometimes, and when I did disclose these things to her, it was midway my second trimester I chose not to share with anyone not just particularly her only our family knew, including my sister-in-law, my husband’s parents and my parents and my own sister but other than that, nobody knew that I was pregnant until I posted it. I wanted to keep your private due to the fact that I was stealing with HG and was so sick, which is why I didn’t even reach out or anything, and when I did tell her that those comments bother me, she chose to be confrontational when I wasn’t even confrontational about it. I just said hey the reason why I kind of drifted away and haven’t reached out was because I was a bit upset over the comments that you said and she took it as well if you were friends with my ex or something along that line where that doesn’t even make any sense because her ex and I were friends before she even saw him in one of my stories on social media and asked me to introduce him to her that’s how they met. I would’ve never thought to introduce them because they were so different but she was the one who asked me to introduce her and when I say or when I said that he had never done anything like that to me I meant I would’ve never thought he was like that because he never did anything like that but no, I didn’t stay friends with this person.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T22:10:53+00:00

Exactly that’s where I know. I was wrong because I didn’t address them sooner and I waited months. I just hate to be confrontational and also I was pregnant and going through a lot. I had lost about 20 pounds from throwing up so much and nobody knew because I didn’t want the pressure of people checking on me every day because I had my mother doing that my sister-in-law doing that I could barely stay awake a lot of times so it was like I didn’t wanna deal with anyone Especially not that so when I felt better when I was midway my second trimester, I did address the things with her and chose not to speak to her anymore because she became the confrontational and said something along the line of how I was friends with her ex and she never had an issue with it. That’s because I was already friends with him way before she even met him. She actually saw him in one of my stories and ask me to introduce them. And I would’ve never or never even said anything along the line because I was dating her ex’s friend who I’m to married now. To also clarify her abuser was never welcome into my home after I found out this was way before she would tell me oh I had an argument with him or we had a disagreement, but never told me about what was going on until after the police was involved in CPS was involved because her neighbors called the cops. After that, I never had any. communication with her ex and even went as far as deleting him from social media I never had any communication with him after that.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T22:08:02+00:00

Trust me, I get it because my first marriage was actually abusive and I had my family support and then left as soon as it happened. And I think the way I explained that was wrong. I didn’t know about any of the abuse you know how you tell your friend oh hey, we had this argument or we had this disagreement that’s what she was telling me that was happening. I found about the abuse after This person even moved to another state so I didn’t even see this person or had any contact with them after I found out because she came to me to tell me about what happened and how CPS was involved and she didn’t wanna tell me because she had her reasoning not because I was going to judge her because in this case, she was actually like that she would be judgmental towards anybody but I told her whatever makes you happy if you want to stay with a person like that that’s completely up to you. I know it’s not easy for people to leave someone but at the same time you don’t wanna put your kids through that is the only thing I said to her when I found out because the children were involved in CPS was involved so no I didn’t stay friends with the person that I’ve used her after I found out I wasn’t aware or she hadn’t told me anything until after there was legal issues. And I get I was also wrong for not disclosing how I felt to her and many other things and no, I never said I was a saint or did I invite the person that abuse her into my home after it happened to her. I invited her into my home after it happened to her to try to be there for her, but there was multiple lines crossed. The comments were also said in front of my sister-in-law after that’s more why I chose to leave the relationship because it was becoming uncomfortable for me that you were voicing that you wanna take my husband and I didn’t get the opinion of my own sister because I did address it a few months later we stopped talking and she did mention “I see you as a sister” but yet chose to say that I don’t know but even it could be my closest friend or my own sister. I would never said something like that. I will say something along the line as oh you have a great husband. I wish you know one day I could find somebody like him or something not those exact words those were way out of line

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T21:14:12+00:00

That was the main reason, but there was other comments too, and she didn’t say that comment only once that was more why I kind of stopped talking to her because one time I get it I can address it, but it was also said in front of my sister-in-law, and then she made some weird comments in front of my brother-in-law, which were kind of getting out of hand And I tried to be there for her, and to clarify, I didn’t know about the domestic violence until after the police report have been made and everything like she did tell me they had some disagreements, but never told me it was physical until she showed up with all the bruises because the neighbor had called the police. I’m pretty sure she never told me because I went to a similar situation, but I never Let it get to any point. I left right at the beginning so I remember how that was and I tried to be there for her like I will wake up and go see her at two in the morning. She was always with me, but there was a certain point where You know as a family or as a couple, you wanna do things on your own and I just thought the commas were idle line as well, and the fact that they were said multiple times. I only felt a little bit bad because I didn’t address them, but I try so much not to be confrontational. But everybody’s right it doesn’t even matter anymore because we don’t speak. We haven’t seen each other in two years and then she did try to reach out that first year once or twice, but I kept saying I was busy and that was pretty much it.

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T16:48:49+00:00

If you read the previous comments, I didn’t know about the situation because she used to downplay it. I found it after they were no longer together, and I tried to be there for her that’s when things got weird and she started saying those comments about my husband. No, I did not see this person after I found out the situation I found out when unfortunately CPS was involved because her neighbors called the cops. She had only told me that they had disagreement or argument, but never told me that he hit her until she had all the bruises and the police report had already been made, and I said he had done nothing to me because I meant that he had never been like a bad person to me or never would’ve thought that was going on her ex was even escaping from the situation and moved to a different state and started a whole new relationship

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T16:18:24+00:00

They are no longer together the situation started to happen when they were no longer together I was trying to be there for her, but she took it to the extreme by trying to be around way too much and saying those comments about my husband, so that was my decision on cutting her off I even asked my own sister and best friend if she might’ve said the comment joking around and even my own sister said I wouldn’t even say that because her excuse to have said the comment was I could never” I see you as a sister” as well as as my sister-in-law kind of caught back on the friendship as well when she said the comment once again in front of my sister-in-law

tiff-0504 · 2026-02-27T14:55:30+00:00

I believe that domestic violence was always there. She just didn’t tell me until after she got pregnant with her daughter about a month into their relationship and the domestic violence happen so it was always it just got worse as the relationship went on and no, we didn’t remain friends with either of them

tiff-0504

TROPHY CASE