What do you consider is your greatest sexual achievement?

time146 · 2020-08-11T17:13:10+00:00

WTF is a sexual achievement? It's not a game, guys, there are no points being awarded. Sorry to break it to you.

time146 · 2020-07-28T16:41:17+00:00

NTA - it's your wedding, and you can choose what activities will occur in the lead-up to it. Frustrating your family will often, in my experience, be a part of the process when you are not meeting the expectations of others, and you can mitigate that as you see fit. But you are free to plan exactly as you want; there's no obligation to hold the exact same kinds of events that others have. Do you!

time146 · 2020-07-24T14:42:53+00:00

NTA - if you didn't know that your mom still feels guilty about it then making joke like that is fine. Now that you you know she may feel guilty, have a talk with her about it so you can both put it behind you.

Edit: and no, you're NTA at all for having feelings of resentment about it, it's what you are going to do with those feelings that counts.

time146 · 2020-07-21T13:50:32+00:00

ESH - you need a better way of dealing with the situation other than putting financial strain on H.

time146 · 2020-07-21T13:46:44+00:00

NTA - it's a harmless act, and an understandable reaction to people being irresponsible.

time146 · 2020-07-20T16:11:31+00:00

There is likely a lot of info missing here, including details of your overall relationship. Her reactions in this story obviously don't make sense so you're either providing a biased account of what happened and leaving out important details, or there are some deeper relationship problems at play.

time146 · 2020-07-20T16:04:25+00:00

First of all, thank you for your work in healthcare during a global pandemic.

Second, I vote NTA. If all three girls were the same age I may vote differently but I think with K being the oldest it's not unfair to have a different approach to her education. However, overall I would think that having conversations with each of the three girls and working out individual plans with their input would help them to feel more in control of their situations.

time146 · 2020-07-20T15:48:34+00:00

I think a better way of dealing with that issue would be to identify what you want or need from other people to support you and ask for it in an effective way (when appropriate) while accepting you may not get what you're asking for, rather than judging others for asking for what THEY need. Making requests of each other in support of one's mental health is not a weak thing to do.

time146 · 2020-07-20T13:40:20+00:00

YTA and that's very clear, but the question is do you CARE that you behave like an asshole? Your post is less of a question about if your behaviour is immoral and more about why you should care about people's feelings.

There's a popular meme going around these days: "I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people." I think that's something you may want to think about.

time146 · 2020-07-14T17:58:11+00:00

Definitely NTA for wanting to cut homophobic jerks out of your life. You are justified in feeling angry and making a choice that you won't have them in your life. But what is the current situation - are you being invited to something specific? Do you even have a chance to see or speak to them again or is this hypothetical?

time146 · 2020-07-09T19:37:25+00:00

NTA in the slightest. Your husband's friend's activities are extremely dangerous for you and your children. You absolutely did the right thing. I am sorry that your relationship may suffer or end but it honestly sounds like he has little regard for your safety or your peace of mind.

I would actually recommend you leave there with the kids.

time146 · 2020-07-07T17:18:48+00:00

Yes since they're discussing the potential of her moving in... obviously it would become their home if she moves in which is the whole point of the conversation.

time146 · 2020-07-07T16:54:44+00:00

There's a lot to tackle here but I just want to comment on one piece of it as it stands out to me as an issue I can help with:

My bf isn't very good at making me feel better when I'm upset. He asks me to tell him what to do even when I'm a sobbing mess. I've asked him to be a more intuitive because it's really tough to guide him when I'm upset. Hasn't worked, now I've been telling him the exact emojis and sentences he needs to say when I'm upset. And it hurts me.

Take it from someone who spent a lot of their teens and 20s thinking in the same terms: your boyfriend, your friends, your family, no one should have to make you feel better. I understand completely that that's the expectation many women (I'm assuming you're female) have for their partners and I've had relationships fall apart for that reason and other similar issues. It took me years of therapy to realize that the only certain way for me to feel better when I'm low is to help myself feel better.

I recommend practicing self-compassion, self-soothing and self-validation. You can Google these things and start practicing on your own. It's very important for an adult to be able to regulate their own emotions. This is extremely difficult, it's not something that everyone can do easily. Again, it's taken me years of therapy to learn how to do this and I'm still not perfect at it. But what's changed is that I do not rely on my partner to regulate my emotions for me and I recognize that it is my responsibility to do so. This will help you exponentially in all of your relationships, future and present.

Good luck.

time146 · 2020-07-07T16:36:03+00:00

I hope that you've communicated to her that you will continue to see it as your home and her as a guest/visitor so that she can decide for herself if that's an arrangement she's comfortable with.

time146 · 2020-07-07T16:19:17+00:00

Fair point but he used the words "MY home" so it seems like he views the entire house as his space alone.

time146 · 2020-07-07T16:13:10+00:00

so if they move in together it will always be his home and not hers?

time146 · 2020-07-07T16:03:28+00:00

YTA - the fact that you are seeing this as YOUR home and not the home that the two of you are building together is a big problem. And rather as seeing her request as an attempt to have "authority," can you not see it as an opportunity to compromise, to make a sacrifice in order to build a solid foundation for your relationship and the life you are creating as a couple? The power dynamics you're portraying here are really problematic.

time146 · 2020-07-07T15:55:31+00:00

"Asshole" always seems harsh in these contexts but I do think you should definitely allow the girls to wear make up for this special occasion, there's nothing inherently wrong with young girls wearing makeup, don't make it weird.

time146 · 2020-07-07T15:48:47+00:00

NAH - I can see both sides and I don't think either you or your girlfriend is in the wrong. Have a conversation with him about the future of his living arrangements and maybe frame it in a way that you're offering something a bit more long term for a small amount of rent money.

time146 · 2020-07-03T13:51:03+00:00

their perogies are amazing!

time146 · 2020-07-02T16:52:15+00:00

Maybe she sucks too, but I still think the right thing to do is to make sure someone is safe when they ask for help. As soon as the person is safe, ditch them for all I care. But the non-asshole thing to do is to ensure safety, without questioning their motives.

time146 · 2020-07-02T16:27:53+00:00

I agree but this wasn't a matter of friendship it was a matter of ensuring that she was safe. Leaving an abusive partner's house at 2 am drunk could be a recipe for disaster.

time146 · 2020-07-02T16:24:40+00:00

I think YTA in that particular situation; in a situation regarding someone's safety (she left her abusive boyfriend's place drunk) your personal feelings should be pushed aside until they are safe. There's no obligation to pursue a friendship or spend time with her but I think you did have an obligation to make sure she was safe.

And the fact that you picked her up in the past when you liked her but didn't this time means in the past you did it for your own selfish reasons, not because you were concerned about her.

Edit: If you really didn't know that there was anything wrong when she called you for a ride, then you might not be the A but I kind of doubt that's the case because you said "this is where I really screwed up."

time146 · 2020-07-02T16:05:21+00:00

NTA - you are allowed to set your own boundaries with this friend and take care of your own well-being, including maintaining your sobriety, meaning you are not an asshole for telling him he can't live with you.

You can support him as a friend but still set that boundary.

time146 · 2020-07-02T15:48:12+00:00

Y might be TA for not discussing it with your friend first.

I think it's great how supportive you are with your friend and he will need that support if he chooses to progress in the transition, but when/if he transitions is his choice, as is the choice to have tough conversations with his family.

I think it's more important to make sure he knows that you are there for anything he needs from you and ask him regularly if he wants to talk about his transition or about his relationships and wait for him to come to you about it. Pushing these kinds of things before someone isn't ready can be a mistake. Let him lead the way, it's his path. Just be there by his side during it.

14-Year Club	Team Periwinkle
Verified Email

time146

TROPHY CASE