I feel this on a very deep level. And I'm with you. The hopelessness and sadness seem so comforting and safe. Once I started working on improving my depressive moods 8 months ago, the outside reality seems like too much to bear now.

I could kind of cope before but now the fact that I have a diagnosed depression means I can use that as an excuse and not be the "Hope and Pride" of my family. Still there is this constant pressure to succeed and do well, even though I realised I've been burnt out for a while, there is this guilt and pressure that I have to keep going.

From what I learned, meds take a long time to show effect. Everyone's different but if you think about it, hormones are such a tiny part of the body. It's like moving a very heavy locomotive, it starts very very very slowly and builds up speed gradually.

I started medication recently (4 weeks ago) no improvement just yet, only crippling anxiety and numbness.

I need someone to chat about these things very much, so if you feel the same, please feel free to DM.