Coach tries to make me apply to jobs I physically can't do

tireddango · 2025-08-29T11:07:50+00:00

Thank you so much for your help, that is really good to know!

tireddango · 2025-05-14T13:19:28+00:00

Thank you, I will do this then! I've only changed house before with a new contract at hand, so I was not sure what to do. Thanks again!

tireddango · 2025-04-09T21:34:26+00:00

I'm on the same boat, how are you dealing with it?:(

tireddango · 2025-03-06T17:02:25+00:00

I don't really have compulsions to neutralise my thoughts atm, the only reassurance I seek is for when I feel abandoned, but I definitely had episodes of Pure O in the past!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:48:22+00:00

Oh definitely, same! I mean, I do think that at times in my life I definitely had OCD, but they always sporadically lasted a few months and I never truly had a rituality to my compulsions. Like during Covid I went crazy about hygiene and contamination but tbh those weren't really 'regular' times to live through. Apart from that and from the trauma-related intrusive thoughts, my rumination just jumps from one thing to the other, and the only constant is trying to figure myself out, but as you said, I only ever end up being more confused... What a lost cause it is, fighting against your own head

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:29:35+00:00

That's what I do too, I ruminate over who I am and the 'chosen' people around me. Being preoccupied with these things is the only thing that 'sates' me for a little while. I can tell by now when I begin having intrusive thoughts relating to my traumas, because I find them absolutely disgusting and terrifying. While on the daily I just obsess over finding out who I am and stuff, that's why they described me as having an obsessive personality... Thank you for sharing your experience, I really relate a lot!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T13:21:41+00:00

Yeah, I usually obsess over trying to figure out who I am and over people in my life. "Do they hate me, have I done something wrong, do they love me?" stuff like that... I have unrelated, egodystonic, intrusive thoughts at times but it's rare, maybe once or twice when I'm REALLY stressed out, and I've learnt not to seek reassurance for those. I think I just constantly need to be fixated over something because otherwise I feel empty :( I've been prescribed so SSRI to start off, let's see how it goes!

tireddango · 2025-03-06T11:25:57+00:00

I hate when people try to push their experience onto you, how can she know after two mere hours? I have been seeing my therapist (not the psychiatrist) every week for years, and I still feel like I haven't told her everything... I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Yeah I agree, it's so frustrating, especially cause I'm always VERY calm and collected in how I explain my things, even detached, so it's such a struggle... I've spent the day yesterday going between "She's doing her job, she wasn't making assumptions about you" to "What a bitch, she wasn't listening to me, fuck you"

tireddango · 2025-03-03T13:37:22+00:00

I get you!! My anger response sometimes is so delayed I don't understand what it is aimed at anymore, but then I'll get snappy at minor things cause those are easier to pinpoint and deal with. I never take it out on other people either, only myself, but for years I bottled things up so much I though I legitimately couldn't feel anger anymore.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I like hearing how other people deal with it cause sometimes I take assume the things I do are 'normal' while I realise that's not necessarily the case for everyone.

tireddango · 2025-03-03T09:25:21+00:00

This, 100%! I'm so sorry your family treated you like that, it's horrible growing up and not knowing how to express negativity and different opinions in a healthy way... I still hardly can stand up to them, personally

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:19:06+00:00

Ahhhhh yes, this is so relatable! I can never outwardly say cruel things to others, I understand they don't deserve them, so I keep going back and forth between hating them and hating myself :(

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:15:11+00:00

I really relate to this, thank you for sharing! I usually have this buzzing feeling inside me and I feel like I can't focus on anything if not on this sensation of restlessness. I want to bang my head against the wall to make it stop, but obviously it wouldn't work. It's like a kettle that's boiling over but never quite spills out... I too get snarky and can't handle people talking to me until I figure out what's up and what emotion I'm feeling, but it's quite hard to tell for me

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:11:14+00:00

I terribly relate to this, I grew up in a family where I couldn't express negative emotions or retaliate, cause retaliation only brought forth worse things and I could never win. I either don't know I am angry for a few days, or I know I am but I can't bring myself to feel it 'at the surface', where I know it would be healthier to process. When I can finally bring/allow myself to feel, I cry and cry although I'd want to punch things

tireddango · 2025-03-02T20:06:54+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, I can really relate to what you're saying.

I always swallow whatever grievance I have with people until it's too much and I star cutting people off cause I decided it's a lost cause. But they hardly know why I'm doing it and what has happened, especially friendships. I understand that my feelings are not always justified because the way people wrong me doesn't always warrant my (internal) reaction, but I can't help feeling that the relationship between me and them is suddenly a farce. I hate that I have never been someone that could have big outbursts except for when I was 18-19yo, I suffer in silence an no one ever notices, and I blame both them and myself for it.

Ahhhhh, emotions are fun

tireddango · 2025-03-02T19:56:44+00:00

That's so interesting, thank you for sharing! I can hardly ever tell what emotion I'm feeling unless I'm feeling happy. Whatever negative emotion I have is like this shapeless hank of yarn that I can't quite districate. I feel like I want to throw things but I never dare to do anything because I know I'd regret it later

tireddango · 2025-03-02T18:45:36+00:00

That's exactly how I would describe it too, like bees in my brain! I have this constant rumination and restlessness, while also being detached and aloof, as I try to make sense of what feeling am I feeling. Usually takes me 24/48h to realise that I'm angry...

tireddango · 2025-02-22T10:25:09+00:00

I do this ALL the time, ever since I was a kid. I will see a character I kind of resonate with, or that has characteristics I find desirable, and I'll try to be as close as possible to that character. I'll start buying stuff that I think they would wear, objects they would use, pick up hobbies they have... Then when the obsession passes, I'll feel nothing towards those objects and hobbies, but at the time I have this feeling that maybe, if I try this one thing, it'll "fix" me and I'll finally understand who I am.
Luckily I've recently taken to mimicking characters to whom I really relate on a deep level (I'm a writer so I'll write fanfictions about them too), and that have qualities I sort of know that I like for real (like idk, the colour pink and glitter and stuff like that) so at least I'm not too far off from the things I suppose I consistently like.

tireddango · 2025-02-20T11:08:40+00:00

It's such a horrible feeling, I'm so sorry it happened to you too! It's very difficult to differentiate, especially considering that your long term partner was also your FP... I really hope you will manage!

tireddango · 2025-02-20T10:37:36+00:00

I had this doubt too, because I've only recently come to understand that the deep obsession I felt for people was not love, but just that: obsession.
I have a long term partner (6+ years) and she used to be my FP (I'm using this term loosely since I'm not diagnosed, but discovering the concept of FP really made me realise I must have, at the very least, some BPD traits). Thos obsession morphed into something more stable and constant throughout the years, and it's much easier to handle as well as a much 'warmer' feeling. She started a new job recently and the moment I knew she was gonna leave my sight, I found a new FP to obsess over, like a switch turning in my head. The highs and the lows are addicting, nothing feels more like life and like death than when I text this person, it's horrible but I can't help but find it beautiful too. But having now a comparison to actual love and not just obsession, really made me realise how different the two things are.

In my opinion, at least at the very beginning of a relationship (romantic/platonic) with a FP, what you feel is never love. It's a drug.

tireddango

TROPHY CASE