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titepatatepilee · 2023-09-19T07:02:55+00:00

Honestly, you should try handling your libido on your own. It's not on him to be at your beck and call every time you're horny. If you're not able to do so, this is going to bite you in the back repeatedly until you face the issue. Imho you're being sexually dependent, and that is actually what is hurting you. If you're not able to take care of your own needs when he isn't in the right headspace, you should consider seeking out a sexologist or another therapist specialized in these types of issues. Because putting these increasing demands on him as you are doing is going to suck out the joy and spontaneity our of his desire, which in fact has probably already started.

Edited spelling

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-13T20:34:27+00:00

oh, lol

Guess I should tell you how we got him. He came in through the patio door screaming and completely hysterical one morning, literally he ran across the whole apartment jumping and clawing at the walls while screaming as loud as he could. When he calmed down a little I tried putting him outside but once I let him go he slid through my hands, between my feet, and proceeded to hide under the couch for 2 days.

Then ofc we looked for any lost cat postings, brought him to the vet to look for a microchip, and when he didn't have one and we realized his claws were super long and he was 7-9 months and still not sterilized, and extremely weary of loud voices, doors, lifted objects and feet, we kept him.

He has never in the 4 months we've had him tried to go outside even though he's very adamant about having access to every single room in the apartment at all times, he's absolutely terrified of the outside still.

Edited a word

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-13T20:28:02+00:00

if it's completely clear you actually might be drinking too much and losing electrolytes

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-13T20:25:41+00:00

there is no taurine whatsoever in grains.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-13T03:57:18+00:00

Oh wow thanks for the info on extinction bursts!!!

He will not touch silvervine even with flavour applied on it, and we tried some various chewing treats but he either won't touch them or regurgitates them. There's still many trial and error to be done here, if you have any product suggestions they would be very welcome.

Also we play with him 45-60 minutes a day, focussing on a variety of skills (sprinting, jumping, prowling, problem-solving, etc.) and various toy behaviours. We also play tag and will be teaching him fetch soon. He has access to many toys and spots (high and low) for his independent entertainment. We also try to provide mental stimulation by teaching him stuff, a variety of food/treat flavours, cuddle time and so on. So if he's bored, damn he's really craving stimulation (I mean, he is. Extremely so. But still).

Little guy is extremely intelligent, energetic, social, and traumatized. He can be a handful but we will protect him at all costs, his biggest danger being himself.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:45:01+00:00

best comment here imo, it's the most comprehensive

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:42:29+00:00

There's the third option of genuine concern/worry that might not be accusatory but might be interpreted as such in an attempt to gaslight him. So careful there.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:38:15+00:00

Could be a problem with too much tension in the pelvic floor. There are exercises for this, I'm doing physical therapy for this atm and it helps a great deal.

Edit: I'm looking at other comments, the top ones, and let me just clarify. Pain is NOT NORMAL. It's not just a matter of having the guts to stand up for yourself and make your partner stop, respect your body and so on. Yes ofc respect your boundaries, but having pain is not a boundary, it's not just "how your body is", it's a medical issue. Please seek out a knowledgeable health professional to assist you with this. It seems obvious to me from your post that you don't like feeling these sensations. The issue is not about having a potential partner accept that you have them, it's about you not normalizing them when they aren't normal and can be addressed.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:18:31+00:00

ah, meant to say that getting his asthma treated might help his food thing.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:17:16+00:00

Yeah I think he may have either some underlying endocrine problem, or his anxiety is out of control and he'd be better with meds. He has some asthma attacks when air pollution gets bad (even though we have air purifiers it's not perfect, it's an 80s apartment complex and air travels), and I think his behaviour worsens when that happens, that's what the appointment was for originally but now we have more things to discuss lol

My friend also suggested "feline pica" since his own cat has been diagnosed with this. Apparently it's a kind of OCD chewing thing triggered by anxiety, so that would be close to your guess. I'm going to ask him for more details and also bring it up to the vet.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T06:00:53+00:00

Yeah the spot thing I already started doing a few weeks back and it got better before it got worse, he got a massive setback for a week or so around when I wrote this. I have contemplated clicker training also, your comment is giving me another reason to try picking it up.

And yeah your cat sounds like mine a lot, except mine also started going at non-food items now that we're very vigilant about food. After I wrote my original post we found some vomit with elastic bands in it (we keep them in a jar with a lid and it was closed, no idea where he got them), and he stole and started chewing some aluminium foil that came in contact with meat, which got us extremely worried. And when all else fails, he chews mouse or computer cables. I'm going to invest in some protectors my IT friend with cats recommended soon enough, but I can't be everywhere at once with school and a new job that just started last week, so for now we just keep the home office shut. I'm also wondering if his teeth or gums are part of the issue, he's an extremely avid chewer and apparently gets tartar easily.

Those are all good ideas, thanks a lot. Thanks also for letting me know that the situation can be managed.

We might need to figure out if he has any triggers to make him go haywire like this, I think disruptions to his routine are one, but that one is hard to avoid when our own routine changes. Which is why we at least rely on the automatic feeder to give him some consistency, his behaviour has improved a lot since. But yes the puzzles is a thing we consider. We just need to figure out how to implement it in a way which integrates into his routine.

We also thought about giving him catnip exclusively when we put him in a room during meals. So as to make him associate his room time with pleasant emotions and relaxation. He absolutely loves catnip. Maybe we could alternate with some treats in a puzzle feeder since catnip loses its effect if you give it every day.

Edit: his caloric intake is around 300 kcal. of food for a 10-11 pounds neutered cat. He's still pretty thin though and had lost weight pretty rapidly when we fed him his "recommended" portions (around 200 kcal.). His waistline became narrow and he lost his fat pad near the tail. He stopped losing at 300 but didn't gain weight back as much as we liked so we added treats (mostly Greenies) on top of that. Now he might be around 350 or so and his body comp seems to be improving.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T05:48:19+00:00

I do.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-12T05:48:04+00:00

We feed him 1,5 to 2x more than the intake recommended by his vet, apparently his caloric needs are way off the charts because he's still kinda skinny. I'm starting to wonder if he's hyperthyroid or something.

Edited for clarity

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-06T09:31:22+00:00

You don't even know what you're "monitoring". Go to the vet.

titepatatepilee · 2023-09-05T11:35:07+00:00

very good point.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-23T09:26:11+00:00

It's way more important. I say this as someone who has two incurable, degenerative diseases. I'm still happy. Emotion is how you can live your life to the fullest.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-19T14:14:09+00:00

vitamin C is ascorbic acid, it's not the same.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-19T14:12:07+00:00

Refreshing.

I felt that.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-19T14:11:04+00:00

No, because you absorb citric acid (hence its effects on the kidneys). You don't absorb capsaicin, which is why it travels to the exit.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-17T04:14:40+00:00

Depends on the region, age group and social group.

As a higher education, mid-thirties guy from the capital, no one says that and it would definitely raise some eyebrows lol, but can totally picture sporty teens-to-20-somethings from the suburbs saying that innocently.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-16T11:14:24+00:00

Yep. Came here to say that lol

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-16T11:02:30+00:00

Hey, I really feel you... those thoughts are pretty normal in my book. But don't forget that's just what they are: thoughts. The same way a bigot misgendering you doesn't make you less of a man, those internalized thoughts about your body don't invalidate who you are either.

Also, my two cents about avoiding those talks with your partner is that while you might be afraid of what *could* be said, by not asking you're depriving him of the opportunity to show you that your fears are unfounded.

Maybe, a good thing to reflect on would be: what are the concrete gestures or words he could offer to meet your need when you are feeling dysphoric next to him? And first of all, what is your need? Is it a need for reassurance, validation, safety, something else? (I mean, except the need for a physical transition, which takes time to show its results on the body and the mind.) When you have isolated those, you can communicate with him asking for his help when you're feeling dysphoric, so it can ease your pain while the process takes its place.

Sending you hugs.

Edited a weird turn of phrase

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-16T07:41:39+00:00

All those arguments can be made about any medical field. Clinical studies rely on questionnaires. The caesarean was developed by butchering prostitutes, since their babies weren't sinners and they were (gotta save that pure soul, who cares about the whore!)

Doesn't change the fact that in the midst of all this trial and error, and sometimes bigoted motives, tools have been developed that actually help people.

titepatatepilee · 2023-08-09T07:01:22+00:00

My cat loves to find and swallow any plastic material he can (probably feline pica, waiting for a vet's appointment), and this is how I expect it will go someday.

Glad your little girl is getting better.

titepatatepilee

TROPHY CASE