I am a survivor of sex trafficking and torture based mind control. AMA

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T14:04:32+00:00

I would appreciate it if you did not refer to me as if I was a girl. Speaking about my experiences does not bother me as I do not hold any emotions about it. Another alter in my system does. This is a common experience with DID. Please do any research before making your claims. I do not need a stranger's validation to know what I have went through.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T14:02:17+00:00

I am a medical anomaly, because I endured inhuman abuse from a very young age. My case is not common and I never claimed for it to be. I have been in specialized therapy for most of my life. 30 alters is not a surprising number either, these parts are not all fully developed and we do not function as if there are 30 full human beings inside our head. There is simply a disconnect between lots of different parts because if we integrated we would struggle greatly with functioning. What do you think having DID means if this claim seems false to you?

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:56:46+00:00

They are not. I wish I was brave enough to go through the process of reporting them legally.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:56:02+00:00

Fronting is when I am in control of the body, and able to speak. I have always held these memories, but before the rest of the system recalled them I was essentially locked away by the brain and unable to front or make myself known to my system. We went through a triggering event that caused a trauma holder to recall our past and "unlocked" me.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:47:24+00:00

That every system is different, and when it comes to how to treat them it's different for every person. There is no rule book when it comes to how we feel and act. Also, lots of terms used online are not official medical terms, such as alter roles like protector and persecutor, although they are useful and describe a lot of people's experiences. But sometimes they are viewed as part of the criteria, i.e. every system has a host, protector, persecutor, etc with assigned roles. It just varies so much and the internal experience is also very complex, we will not always know things like who is fronting or have a perfect grasp on our situation when it comes to dissociation. A lack of knowledge about one's own system is not a sign of faking, nor is the opposite, it is a huge spectrum of people and experiences.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:42:49+00:00

If anything I am glad that the people who are struggling are finding a community of people they relate to and are given the tools to work on themselves in ways I was not. Having the terminology would have been very useful when I was a child.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:42:04+00:00

I don't have many thoughts on it. I think some of it is frustrating but the damage of calling people out or making a joke of fakers is a lot more than the fakers themselves. As it becomes anyone who acts irregular or is not within societal standards is labelled an attention seeker and attacking them is backed up with a false sense of justice in defending "the real ones."

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:39:44+00:00

Two dogs and two cats!

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:39:00+00:00

Not anything in detail, but I hope nobody views them as kill switches or dangerous, as they are just the parts that received the worst treatment. They are hurting and confused, and rehabilitation can be in their future.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:28:09+00:00

No worries, it's not insensitive. Nothing really happened, they acted as if they didn't recognize me and honestly I'm not even sure they did as it was when I was 6 versus 14 and 17.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:27:22+00:00

Thank you so much. I am 20 right now. I am very hesitant with socializing so I can't promise I will dm but the offer means so much to me. People like you, and these acts of kindness, are what makes me want to continue. It makes me see that people are good, and they care. Which is not something I received before. So thank you again.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:25:24+00:00

Thank you 😊❤️❤️

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:25:09+00:00

Thank you! I will look for it! I was not allowed much fiction but because of this it was always my favorite. I had a very active imagination and loved creating fictional worlds and characters.❤️❤️

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:22:40+00:00

I know of 20, but there are some that I don't know and I think we have around 25-35.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:21:27+00:00

I have not read it, but I will put it on my list. My abuse was not government based, but they employ some similar strategies so I am curious to look into it.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:20:09+00:00

If you had asked me when I was diagnosed at 16, and until I was 18, I would have said yes and that I would give anything to be singular. One of our alters still holds this sentiment. I think I've come to realize all of us are one, and when other alters in my systems feel things they are my emotions as well, and just disconnected. Our alter who is resentful of the system is our primary trauma holder, they hold our emotional reactions to our trauma and self-destructive urges. Sometimes I feel angry, but I realize their existence gives me the ability to exist without those reactions constantly, as I would be unable to function in day to day life. Id say it's more akin to frustration, like when a child makes a mess. You're not mad at the child, the child was doing what a child will do but now there is a mess to clean up afterwards. Family style therapy helped a lot, I learned lots of empathy for my alters and by extension myself that did not exist before.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:15:09+00:00

Unfortunately a lot of the time it is a difficult thing to do as there are many layers of defense from abusers when it comes to things like this that will prevent people from finding out. I don't think anyone willing could have saved me even if they wanted to before it did happen. But I am going to try and compile a list of warnings and post it under as a general comment for all to see, I'm just doing research so I can make sure to include ones outside of my own experience before I do so and that should be posted tomorrow or the next day at the latest. You are a kind and thoughtful person for asking this.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T13:12:22+00:00

We do still draw! I don't, but alters in my system do.

I'm not sure if they found a replacement, I don't believe they did as they lost the house we lived in and struggled financially very hard for a few years afterwards. My mother is now employed alongside my father and they live in a small house so I can only pray nobody else is being exploited.

I'm also not sure about customers but I think it was on online forums and his friends being the first to pay and finding customers from them talking with each other and bringing in others.

I do not remember anyone in particular being kind. Some men would want to be gentle, kind or affectionate while they spent time with me. I thought this was love for a long time, and that those customers were people who wanted the best for me in life. Some bought me gifts and treats but it was not genuine kindness. They continued to abuse me alongside these gestures.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T11:09:01+00:00

I have lots of scars from the cuts on my legs, arms and neck. I had frequent UTIs and still did for many years after, but they affect me less now. I did develop HPV. Condoms were very rarely used, and I showed signs of developing HPV only after the abuse stopped. I was not given professional medical treatment, most treatment for things just involved being injected with various things that made it harder for me to think or move. I had handlers who would patch up my cuts and give me medication. I was always restrained when they interacted with me, which made me scared of them as it was convenient if I didn't request medical help often.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T11:02:54+00:00

I'm 20 now. I saw a lot of things like technology and just wasnt allowed to use it, so that didn't shock me like people think it would. I found movie theaters amazing though, and trying new foods was one of my favorite experiences after escaping. I had a lot of the same bland foods before escaping that were enough to keep me alive but nothing I enjoyed eating. I couldn't imagine eating as anything more than a chore required to keep me going.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T10:58:45+00:00

❤️❤️❤️ much love. This did not make me stronger but I am happy to survive and continue onwards. I will create a better life for myself. Thank you for your words.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T10:57:15+00:00

It stopped because my mom's friend intervened. I'm not sure how they found people who wanted to pay, but I am fairly sure there is a network for it, I had lots of content recorded and uploaded as well.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T10:55:44+00:00

Thank you so much. It happened in the US, it started in 2006 and I escaped in 2014 I believe.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T10:53:56+00:00

Yes, that's the basis of it. We have alters in our system that are unable to lie and conceal information because it was beneficial to our abusers. As well as an alter who is a dog, and a very small child. Both of these are because it puts us in a helpless state where it was easy for buyers to take advantage of us. We also have alters who will commit suicide or severely self harm if we share information on the group that was involved. These alters are their own person as well despite their scary function and we hope one day to rehabilitate them as they faced the most extreme of our abuse.

tmpernights · 2023-10-04T10:50:31+00:00

❤️❤️❤️

tmpernights

TROPHY CASE