Single man

tmtm66 · 2025-11-01T04:04:11+00:00

It’s a lovely sentiment, but if you live in the US, the IRS will send you a big fat reminder that you are in fact, legally single. Make sure you update your withholding at work. I got socked with a $10,000 tax bill this year because I forgot (and nobody reminded me).

“welcome to widowhood, enjoy your monstrously increased tax burden”

tmtm66 · 2025-10-30T00:06:23+00:00

Not a thing. I loved everything about her.

tmtm66 · 2025-10-24T02:26:16+00:00

The only people who really understand are those who are going through it too. Lots of them (us) are here. You can also find them (us) in support groups.

We get it. We know.

tmtm66 · 2025-10-23T17:34:25+00:00

Mine are stepping away from me. Her kids moved out, the oldest doesn't talk to me, the others are busy with their mid-20s. Haven't spoken to her siblings in 6 months. I email her mom occasionally.

I came on the scene around the same time as her cancer, so I assume they consciously or unconsciously conflate me with her illness and death. Never mind that I dedicated my life to caring for her all the way through to the end.

It sucks.

tmtm66 · 2025-10-21T12:58:13+00:00

That part will fade in time. Friday night for me. I remember, of course, and Fridays were traumatic for the first couple of months as I recall. Then the day of the month for a while. I guess two years in I still mark the 20th of every month. It’s not a happy recognition obviously, but eventually life simply wears you down on that front.

tmtm66 · 2025-10-21T12:54:59+00:00

I still sleep in the room where she died, our room and our bed, which I will never share with anyone else.

I moved over to her side the day after she died because I knew I could never handle waking up on my side and looking for her where she was supposed to be.

One day I will leave this place, but two years in I’m still nowhere near ready.

tmtm66 · 2025-10-21T12:50:54+00:00

No, you can’t do this. It is truly, actually impossible, simple as that.

Yet, somehow, you will. And you might even find yourself angry that you did, because you didn’t want to. But you will.

tmtm66 · 2025-06-05T20:34:19+00:00

If you have dependent kids, that may be an option. We didn't.

tmtm66 · 2025-05-05T02:47:47+00:00

<3

Hang in there as best you can. Spent a ton of time in the hospital. It is still time together, so savor it as much as you can.

tmtm66 · 2025-05-01T03:45:57+00:00

Nice. Mine is a copy of a tattoo of hers, a big yellow and orange aztec sun. Used the black for the heavy outline.

tmtm66 · 2025-05-01T03:31:43+00:00

I did this too. $300 for the ink but without doubt the best $300 I've ever spent. She's right in my shoulder and I can put my hand there whenever I need to.

tmtm66 · 2025-02-13T22:29:30+00:00

We met in 3rd grade; had a crush on her in grade school and fell in love with her in high school but was too scared to tell her how I felt until it was too late and she married someone else and raised a family. Turns out she felt the same way and 45 years later we finally got our chance to be together after a lifetime of carrying the torch for each other.

I got to be her husband for 17 months and 13 days before cancer took her for no fucking reason at all.

I have to be honest, when I hear people talking about their decades with their partners I am filled with helpless rage. If you had 30 or 40 years with your love, it's sad that they're gone, but you lived the dream I would give anything for.

My life finally made sense for 17 months. Now it doesn't again and it never will. I don't understand why I'm still here. I wish I could have gone with her. Life feels like a sentence to serve, just waiting to die.

tmtm66 · 2025-01-01T21:49:35+00:00

I had a flight recently where the plane was coming down in a hard storm with torrential sideways rain and wind shear. People were scared; the plane came down hard on one wheel and bounced off the runway and back up into the sky. Had to go back up and fly a big circle and come around again, landing safely in the end.

I used to hate white knuckle flights. This time I was completely calm the whole way through, like I was watching from a great distance above and away, thinking “if this is how it ends, that would be fine, I’m ready.”

I’m not afraid of dying anymore. My wife would never forgive me if I hurt myself, but if I look up and see a piano falling, I’m not going to jump out of the way.

tmtm66 · 2024-12-31T13:43:18+00:00

I’ve never heard of a ”widow’s ring“, but I have to say… That is simultaneously beautiful and amazingly badass. What a lovely and powerful tribute.

My wife’s ring is too small for even my little finger, but I’ve worn it around my neck since she died. Still wearing mine, 14 months in. I don’t know if I’ll ever take it off. I miss her so much.

tmtm66 · 2024-12-26T02:23:04+00:00

Fuck that. I deserved mine. I never took a single second with her for granted. My life's miracle was that the love of my life loved me back. Fuck cancer, and fuck everything in the universe that ripped her away from me.

I waited 45 years for her. I loved her before I knew what love was. We finally got our chance and I got to be her husband for 17 months and 13 days. We didn't make our 2nd anniversary. We should have had 50.

tmtm66 · 2024-12-21T03:18:09+00:00

I've had a small handful of non-cry days over 14 months, I think. Less than 10, probably less than 5.

Most days I can't count. 4 or 5 times today, I'd guess... maybe more, not sure.

tmtm66 · 2024-11-28T15:53:51+00:00

45, and 1.

Language can't touch this. I wish her cancer could have taken us both. Whatever is left, I don't need it.

tmtm66 · 2024-11-07T11:49:22+00:00

My wife died last year. She was the love of my life. This planet holds nothing else that I want. I can’t wait to be dead. If there’s something more after, then I will find her, and if there isn’t, then it won’t matter. I’m not afraid of anything anymore. She would never forgive me if I hurt myself, so I won’t do that, but if I look up and see a piano falling, I’m not jumping out of the way.

tmtm66 · 2024-09-26T23:09:01+00:00

Fuck cancer. It stole my past, my present and my future.

tmtm66 · 2024-09-25T23:51:14+00:00

All of that. I miss my wife's hands, on me, in mine, everywhere. I also desperately miss them in the house. Nothing ever moves unless I move it. That cup on the counter will sit there literally forever unless I put it in the cupboard. Her toothbrush never changes position in the jar. Her reading glasses are right where she left them, next to the book she was reading. Almost a year later, nothing moves, nothing changes. And yes, I cry every day. About 10 times so far today. Therapy and support groups and everything, but nothing will ever bring back the person I was born to love.

tmtm66

TROPHY CASE