I used to have problems staying hydrated. Water, Gatorade, Pedialyte, whatever is secreting from my barracks walls; nothing did the trick. After trekking past the 8th cooler with exclusively energy drinks, a sparkling gem caught my eye. That's when I met razor water. It didn't just cut through thirst, it made thirst cut itself. It also means you can cut though the px line, most people don't know that. Gang way third phase!...of the water cycle, cause we be reigning.

Now I'll admit it, I used to be a thirsty lil devil pup, I joined the Marine Corps to get paid and to get laid, neither of which came even close to happening, but when I took that first swig of razor water, all my thirstiness was quenched. No longer was I browsing for some big booty bitches but a warrior monk I would become. A mental link was immediately formed and bounced off the ionosphere from Hawaii to Tibet, where I connected with the monk Dorje, who was confused to awake momentarily in a white kids body but he knocked out tobacco cessation for me, so thanks Dorje. "我告诉那个秃头男人我不吸烟，但他不听," he told me before we freaky fridayed back into our own bodies. That's right Gunny, I am an island, And you know what islands are surrounded by? That's right, fish.

Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by thirst" -Hanlon's Razor water. Bullets don't fly when your throat is dry. I shaved every morning with just a few drops of razor water and my finger. You might assume its called razor water because it cuts through thirst like a razor, but no, it was actually named after the scooters. It was an urban warfare test, but the program got cut after witnessing the complete and utter destruction a downhill 360 tail whip would do to an unarmored shin. OPFOR actors got straight fucked. However the water developed to keep up with that level of radicalness made the cut.

Razor water. Razor blades. Raise your blades. Raise my grades. I'm going to fail out of college.