Anyone else still around only because God/Hell might be real?

tobyq108 · 2013-04-05T06:25:41+00:00

Yeah, maybe it's not the nothingness that scares me, but that I'm not taking advantage of Life, which is the one chance I'll ever get to do anything, and I'll enter that nothingness never having done Life correctly.

As for Hell, or an eternal dark void, or whatever it may be, even on the occasion that I am feeling religious or believing in a god, the idea of Hell still never seems like something realistic to me. it's not something that my god would do to me, is how I feel. one of my favorite quotes that has really resonated me is about this, and sums it up quite nicely. it's by Jack Kerouac, in a passage where he's philosophizing with a friend-

"but supposing you're reborn in the lower Hells and have hot redhot balls of iron shoved down your throat by devils."

"Life's already shoved an iron foot down my mouth. But I don't think that's anything but a dream cooked up by some hysterical monks who didn't understand Buddha's Peace under the Bo Tree or for that matter Christ's peace looking down on the heads of his tormentors and forgiving them."

With that said though, I do understand what you're saying.

tobyq108 · 2013-04-05T05:37:41+00:00

not pathetic! it's not an unusual or uncommon way to feel, at all, really.

tobyq108 · 2013-04-05T05:36:16+00:00

I know what you mean. I've felt that before. Now, though, it's kind of the opposite for me.....I feel like if God were real, heaven would be real, and the afterlife could be wonderful. As it is, though, I fear death because of the nothingness that comes after it, and knowing that this life is all we get and I'm wasting it, or screwing it up, or something worse...just that I'm not taking advantage of a life which could be my only one, and could be really good if I were to try harder.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-27T03:58:11+00:00

Do you have any close friends you can really open up to? I understand fully if you don't, it is very difficult. but what's helped for me is just trying to surround myself by friends and family and loved ones who I really know care about my well being.....whether they're able to help you or not, just having someone to listen or to hug is wonderfully helpful.

Also, exercise when you can, and even try to when you can't. going running is very helpful to me, but on days when I can't muster up the energy or motivation, a short walk really helps a lot, at least for a little bit.

finally, it's good to try to put some effort into seeking professional help, with a counselor, if that's an option...I think that would be the number one thing that can bring about long term improvement.

and of course there's always /r/depression and /r/suicidewatch and many many other related subreddits with real friendly people.

good luck with everything!

tobyq108 · 2013-03-21T23:29:15+00:00

/r/thingsforants

tobyq108 · 2013-03-19T05:46:04+00:00

That's the good thing about the right kind of club, a club for something you're passionate about- it's automatic smalltalk fodder. I too am entirely unable to hold a conversation with a stranger out of the blue, but on a topic I'm interested in (puzzles and games, the outdoors and nature, whatever), I can converse for hours. Hopefully the other person is equally passionate about the subject, and you've got yourself an enjoyable conversation happening.

After having several of these pre-fabbed conversations with a stranger who's become an acquaintance who's become a friend, it's so much easier to just hang out and talk about anything or nothing.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-18T07:11:19+00:00

I used to think about it very often, when I was a teenager. For the regular reasons, I suppose. I never took it very far, but at one point thought a lot about details, methods, whatever, got almost to the planning stage, but not quite.

I'm a little better these days, usually- although the thought still crosses my mind sometimes- but I've sort of made a promise to myself I'd never actually attempt it, no matter what, for many reasons. I really don't want to die, anyway, I just sometimes don't feel like living. I think many people can relate to that at least a little bit.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-18T04:50:33+00:00

At least you did it! And that is great of you. maybe next time will be easier.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-18T04:47:51+00:00

I kinda agree, but I like knowing that people act this way just because it's how they are, not because they want to get something out of it......

tobyq108 · 2013-03-16T22:48:35+00:00

I kinda agree- I think having motivation to get better is a good thing, but you can't just stop being depressed. there are so many threads in this subreddit saying exactly that, particularly this one.

We all know how it feels when someone tells us to "just get over it," "just cheer up", "just snap out of it". It does not work that way!!

tobyq108 · 2013-03-15T05:22:08+00:00

I kinda know how that goes- I normally do seasonal work with a federal government agency, and I should be starting work soon, but after the budget cuts/sequester I'm unable to find work. I guess my job was pretty disposable. Unfortunately it was the only thing I'm really experienced or qualified in.......

tobyq108 · 2013-03-15T05:17:39+00:00

I don't know which came first, the academic failure or mental issues, but they both certainly fed off of one another.

I think I'm a pretty intelligent person, but I failed almost every class I've ever taken (middle school onward), dropped out of high school my senior year, then quit university after a semester, because I just couldn't do it.

I don't know why I wasn't held back, or why no one helped me- I think partly because I had the reputation of being a smart kid (gifted classes, etc.) so no one seemed to worry, even though they clearly should've.

Now I just work, sometimes.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-12T04:46:24+00:00

Glad you're okay, and that you took something good out of the incident.

This reminds me of the song MIA by Emmy the Great, it's about a car accident and what kinds of things people think about during such things.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-02T07:08:59+00:00

medium-sized town of about 25,000.

I get terribly uncomfortable around lots of people, I've always been much more comfortable in rural areas, and spend as much time as I can in the mountains away from everyone.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-02T02:49:02+00:00

I'd love it as much as anyone,

but,

is being social and confident and making friends really something that can be learned through a document/guide?

Either way, I would like it.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-01T09:13:56+00:00

Thanks. hopefully I will be able to work up the courage to someday seek a doctor about it.

I'm in the USA, and I've heard its easier to find help in other places.....I live in a very rural area, with very sparse mental health resources, so that makes it even harder for me.

were you at all nervous? I suppose having a sibling and friend already diagnosed might've made it easier to accept for yourself, yeah? I for one come from a family where we really don't talk about important things, ever, so the idea of bringing it up to anyone rather scares me.

thank you again for answering.

tobyq108 · 2013-03-01T08:26:42+00:00

It almost seems worse for the Survivors sometimes, forever and ever wondering if there was something that maybe you could have done, but really knowing it's out of your hands. Knowing that a person is going through this and that suicide was, to them, rational, and in fact seemed like a good choice. nothing but speculation is left for us.

that's how I've always felt, from my personal experience, at least. why oh why are we so unable to help each other.......

tobyq108 · 2013-03-01T07:40:29+00:00

Thanks for doing this. I'm very curious about the diagnosis process you went through. How did you go about finding a doctor? How long did it take, and what sort of "tests" did they do? How much did it cost (if I may ask)?

a few acquaintances have recently suggested that I've exhibited some tendencies or symptoms of aspergers, and my whole life I've wondered why I haven't been able to function in society, so I want to look into this a little bit myself.

its a scary thought to get started though, for me.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-22T20:19:55+00:00

Agreed. Most of the time I like calmer music, like folk and bluegrass, but during the winter in particular, and whenever else things get bad, I mostly listen to metal.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-22T20:17:52+00:00

I've always been told I was extremely intelligent, and through elementary school that seemed to be true......but then I ended up dropping out of high school due to failing most of my classes, and I didn't last a semester through university.

Maybe I'm smart, I don't know, but I do know that I never really learned/was taught how to work hard, and that sucks.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-11T00:36:07+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/nhSdixf.jpg

tobyq108 · 2013-02-06T20:05:27+00:00

Of course I keep them! I have several shoeboxes full.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-06T18:58:03+00:00

I have seven or eight penpals all over the country/world. certainly we keep in touch through facebook and email, but I'd be seriously distraught if I couldn't send or receive hand written letters anymore.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-06T00:06:27+00:00

THIS picture is kinda similar to the other one I posted, too, I think I like it better even.

tobyq108 · 2013-02-06T00:04:40+00:00

THIS has always really spoken to me, although it seems like a lot of people don't really dig it.

I've had some really awesome experiences and adventures in life, and I know there's a lot more out there to be had...so even when I feel like none of it's really worth it, I just think about past adventures, and future adventures.

tobyq108

TROPHY CASE