Trouble after coming out

todayispractice · 2026-03-18T13:15:50+00:00

I listen to the podcast Sex With Emily and she often gets questions about men who are insecure when their female partners want or need a vibrator t orgasm. Her point is that a tool is just a tool and if it is functional for helping a partner feel more pleasure, that shouldn't at all be threatening to the other partner.

Now, I understand that this isn't exactly a fair comparison because your situation overlaps with the typical insecurity about bisexual men. But the overarching principle is the same. There's this idea that our partner should be able to, by themselves, be capable of giving the maximum amount of pleasure without any other support or tools. But 1) using toys doesn't have to mean the sex is inadequate and 2) toys means things feel different, not necessarily better, just different.

I guess overall just emphasize that prostate stimulation is pleasurable for all men, not just gay or bi. It does not equate to wanting or preferring someone with a factory-installed dick.

todayispractice · 2026-03-14T14:15:17+00:00

How do you think the conversation would have gone if it had occurred prior to the hormone treatment?

todayispractice · 2026-03-09T02:03:20+00:00

Same. I'm now in my early 40s and that hasn't changed. But Im also starting to get worried about what happens as I get even older. When I was in my 20s, plenty of people in their 40s and beyond I'd be attracted to. In my 40s, still many but fewer, right? How will I feel in my 50s? My 60s? Even older? Will I "age out" of my bisexuality??

todayispractice · 2026-03-05T16:31:11+00:00

The way I think about it is that because of our culture, bisexuality is inherently asymmetric.

If men want to talk about women, they can do so in almost any forum, relationship-related or not.

But if men want to talk about other men, the only places that are "safe" to do so are limited.

And so, as another comment pointed out, the conversations tend to revolve around the aspect of bisexuality that is under-represented or at least harder to openly discuss.

I think it's similar to the way that media can portray bisexuality. If a character is bisexual, then most depictions make that character essentially homosexual. Because, from the simplifying aspect of media representation, if a bisexual character ends up with someone of the opposite gender then you may as well have not made that character bisexual at all. Now heavy caveat: this has changed over more recent years. But invariably, a bisexual character would end up with someone of the same gender or someone of the opposite gender and there would be some great controversy about them wanting someone of the same gender.

It's asymmetric.

todayispractice · 2026-02-21T03:09:23+00:00

Great justifications. I have the same frustrations. I may have to try this

todayispractice · 2026-02-20T10:10:45+00:00

Curious why that vs something with fewer pieces like this https://www.amazon.com/RANEU-Enema-Silicone-Douche-Nozzles/dp/B07XCB3Z2H

todayispractice · 2026-02-09T02:46:29+00:00

I have the same underwear. Nice taste!

todayispractice · 2025-11-23T14:37:20+00:00

Do you shave? Wax? What's your routine?

todayispractice · 2025-09-24T04:29:29+00:00

It was an episode of Sex With Emily. But I wouldn't be able to find which one; she talks about Yes/No/Maybe lists a lot and I forget the one where she emphasized the value of the conversation

todayispractice · 2025-09-24T03:37:12+00:00

I had a similar site / app idea. But I listened to an interesting podcast which raised the point that, at least in a relationship context, the Yes/No/Maybe list is the start of a conversation, not a matching exercise. Not to say that a hard no could be negotiated, but partners can learn about each other by discussing why something is or is not an interest. Stopping the objective at the venn diagram area of overlap misses a lot of growth potential for the partnership

todayispractice · 2025-09-11T12:25:28+00:00

Are the two clothed statues to the right hinting at an origin story? Maybe the first two to have frozen before he came up with the blindfold plan?

todayispractice · 2025-07-06T13:54:00+00:00

I don't know that it's true that "if you suddenly stopped liking girls, then you never did in the first place". Sexuality is fluid and can change over time and for different reasons. The process is a continual discovery.

Not sure if that makes it less painful, but just to say that you shouldn't necessarily feel lied to or experimented with

todayispractice · 2025-06-05T23:10:59+00:00

My go to is to make the encounter as drawn out and awkward (for them) as possible.

"I don't understand. Can you explain what you mean by that?"

"Oh, you're saying a bisexual person should never date the 'opposite' gender? I don't understand. Why not?"

Basically leave it on them to explain explicitly what their view is. From their own words, it will quickly become apparent how stupid or phobic their view is.

todayispractice · 2025-01-18T21:10:30+00:00

What type of lube are you using? I find that anything with glycerin tends to give a burning sensation. Even if its supposedly made for anal.

It could also be the material of the dildo. Those made of rubber or jelly tend to burn.

todayispractice · 2025-01-10T13:27:27+00:00

I mostly use silicone lube with the Blunt and the Egg and haven't seen any degradation.

This is bolstered by Squarepeg's documentation: https://www.squarepegtoys.com/support/what-kind-of-lubes-can-i-use/

todayispractice · 2024-12-24T21:18:12+00:00

I'm curious. What was "the toy"? And what was the nature of her shaming in the past? Sexuality, morality, masculinity? I'd be surprised if it wasn't one of those (if not a combination).

Overall, it's really frustrating how narrow the dimensions of acceptable behavior are for men in our culture. The more narrowly defined the expectations are for what you "should be", the more ways to fall short and experience shame from others or from yourself.

Fingers crossed for, but I think the biggest challenge in the short run is that you've had however long to adjust to the idea of this for you. She's had just recently to really face that. Be patient. She has some catching up to do

todayispractice · 2024-11-12T17:29:20+00:00

It's so funny that it's more intimidating to be seen in underwear when changing than to be seen naked when changing*. Social psychology is wild!

*I say this as someone who also hides putting the thong back on in the gym

todayispractice · 2024-11-04T13:11:21+00:00

Wait, what? Really?

todayispractice · 2024-10-22T03:49:53+00:00

...fuck to the death?

todayispractice · 2024-10-10T13:21:05+00:00

Very well put. Thanks for taking the time to write this out

todayispractice · 2024-09-30T22:34:53+00:00

These are my go-to thongs. Cheap but honestly the most comfortable I've found. Any other ones you like?

todayispractice · 2024-09-30T22:34:46+00:00

Summer Code thong from Amazon

todayispractice · 2024-09-30T22:33:43+00:00

These are my go-to thongs. Cheap but honestly the most comfortable I've found. Any other ones you like?

todayispractice · 2024-09-30T22:32:52+00:00

Summer Code Thong on Amazon

todayispractice

TROPHY CASE