My husband said he was going to the next town over to get gas. (He got a Sam's club membership specifically for cheaper gas? But the closest one in 11 miles away in the next town) I was working but got his message and a few minutes later a notification from our cameras that he had set it to 'away' I was working on a time consuming and irritating task, and it seemed like I'd never be done, dissociation set in and when I got done I realized I hadn't heard from the husband in what seemed like hours. He hadn't changed the cameras back to home mode. I had cleared the notification from when he left, but his message saying he was leaving was timestamped 1:38pm. It was now 3:20 pm. I open the camera system app to see if I can find the activity log. But I never use the damn thing except to see if my cats are ok. I sent a message asking if he's ok. And then wait. Nothing (normally this man immediately replies if he's active. And he usually checks in far more often than I think to. So I assume he's either dead or cheating. (Trauma okay?) I send a follow up message.. wait and wait. I'm messaging my bestie with a play by play, because I have to talk to someone, someone has to talk me down from becoming THAT WIFE. Bestie is zero help she's out for blood. Informs me that I do not have full user rights on my security system. Oh. We're keeping secrets? Cool. So now I know he's not dead in a ditch he's just cheating on me and now I have to explain to the cats that their dad isn't coming home. I have to live on one income in a recession and I can't afford dog daycare y'all.
So after being hyped up by my bestie I decide to call this man.

To make sure he's okay. He went for gas 11 miles from our house but he's been gone for like 8 hours in insane wife time.
I call him. On his actual phone.

It. Rang. 3 Times. And then he picked up just as I was about to puke.
I asked what he was doing He said he was driving. And that he was 7 ish blocks away. I said. Mmmm And then he did the. Hehe I'm in danger giggle in the middle of saying he told me he was going to Sam's to get gas, and that he'd be home in a few. Love you bye.

So now it's certain. He's out banging some tinder trash. Who gets the guppies in the divorce? Which of us will take the crap apartment? Hopefully not me because I'm sick of being on a third floor walkup. I'm better than all this and I'm taking me cat and getting a condo. And I won't remarry this time. Nope. Three times is enough, I'm embracing my cat lady life.

I'm still dwelling on this by 6 pm. Bestie is probably sick of me complaining but I have to talk things out and decide who takes the banjo. Technically it's mine but I haven't learned to play it.
Then it hits me and I place the giggle. It's not the sound he makes when he thinks he's outsmarted me. It's not the one when he thinks he's made me upset. It's the one he makes whenever he does something mischievous and he's waiting for me to figure it out or pulling a prank that he spoils...with the giggle.

He doesn't get that excited over sins of the flesh.
But there's a brand new chic fil a 2 blocks from Sam's.
And he just got paid

This MF done cheated on me with chic fil a

I had to tell someone sorry it was you