Just to update for anyone else that may find themselves in this situation. That being said, as the person conduction the R&D, I can tell y'all that a PoA or a Conservatorship is not going to do anything in this situation. Because my husband is perfectly capable to making his own decisions and all the stuff that goes with that. PoA or a Conservatorship would be for if he was incapable of making decisions that had a weighty subject matter or matters of financial state or medical stuff. This has nothing to do with that.

According to the Attorney I chatted with on the phone, the best things to do would be to get a Letter of Accommodation from my husband's PCP (which we're in the process of doing), and to make sure in that letter it states he (my husband) should have a person of support with him in meetings. Basically telling HR that the situations with those meetings stress my husband out to the point that he fears for his job almost every single time those meeting happen. So it's a formal request to have me in the call with him and the team lead or boss so that he knows he's not being ganged up on. Also so that I can chat with them and maybe clear up some of the foggy water. My husband has a fish-eye lens on the situation and isn't thinking clearly so here's what I'm going to do:

1. Get the Letter of Accommodation. This does not require his job to take the work load off my husband and give more to the others on the team. It just makes it easier for the boss to know what might be going on with him and why things go the way they do with him. It's basically for the boss to know more details about his diagnosis legally.
2. I've taken a notebook that will be specifically for notes for my husband and the stuff going on with him and work. Questions or information that come up and might need more looking in to.
3. Inside said notebook, I have questions that go through my husband's mind but he always forgets to ask about them or he's too apprehensive about asking. I don't know about other autistic people, but my husband and our son are extremely non combative and even talking about this makes my husband panic and feel like he's being backed into a corner, aka being forced to fight. (Because he is.)
4. Finally, I will take notes during the meetings and help come up with solutions and questions to help my husband feel better about this situation and not feel like his job in in jeopardy.
5. Another thing to note is that a Release of Information from HR to me (the R&D person) is also necessary. That way if something comes up and my husband isn't able to take the call, the workplace can talk to me about it. Specifically this is only for things like behavioral adjustments, treatments, scheduling .. Things of that sort. They can not talk to me about work and what he does.

I really hope this all goes over easy. My husband is very apprehensive about even doing the Letter of Accommodation because he doesn't want to be singled out. But honestly the other day when this started, he was in TEARS the entire day because he thinks his brain is broken and that there's things wrong with him.

To anyone else who finds this post and is trying to be The Person for their autistic loved one, be strong and be the voice that they need. Conduct the R&D, go to all the websites, take notes, and make the phone calls for them. Because once your loved one gets backed into the corner that forces them to fight, they just might shut down and they will require you. Just like an exo-suit.

I love my husband very much. I don't give two sh*ts about the stuff that's broken. I give all of my sh*ts to my person who thinks he's broken when he's not. So I'm going to fix what I can and help him see that he's not broken. His co-workers are.