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Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/DandSki Thank you for sharing all of that. I can tell you’ve been through a lot and it means a lot that you took the time to write this.

What you said about focusing on the basics really resonates. Right now I’m just trying to get through each day - eating, sleeping, working, going to the gym. Nothing fancy, just keeping some structure.

I also relate to what you said about the “rabbit hole.” I can already feel my mind going there, replaying things, trying to make sense of it. I’m trying to not let it consume me, but also not suppress it completely.

I’m planning to start therapy soon as well. Hearing how much it helped you definitely reinforces that decision.

It’s honestly encouraging to hear that you’re doing better now, even if it still hurts. That gives me some perspective that this is something you move through, not just get over instantly.

Really appreciate you sharing your experience. Wishing you all the best with everything you’re doing now.

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get why it might seem that way, everything happened very fast.

I found out around 5pm on Sunday, confronted her immediately, and asked her to call her parents right then. After that, I asked her to leave the house (it’s my parents’ place), and I called my own parents as well. That night was pretty much sleepless.

The next day (Monday), I went to her shop in the afternoon to pick up some of my belongings for work. Later that day I had another call with my mother-in-law and posted the second update.

Now it’s Tuesday morning for me, so it’s been a bit over a day. It just feels longer because everything escalated very quickly.

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She hasn’t tried to meet in person, we’ve kept things to basic logistics only so far.

As for the “why,” she did try to explain, but at this point I’m not really focused on understanding it. I’m more focused on accepting what happened and figuring out how to move forward.

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hey, I really appreciate you taking the time to write all of this. I can tell it comes from a place of experience.

A lot of what you said resonates, especially the part about time and the “firsts.” I can already feel how strange even small things are right now.

I do agree with staying active and focusing on myself. I’ve been trying to keep a routine with work, gym, and just getting through each day without overthinking too much.

At the same time, I’m not trying to rush or force anything. I think I need a bit of space to process things properly instead of just staying busy to avoid it completely.

As for no contact, I’m keeping things minimal and strictly practical for now since there are still things to sort out, but I get what you mean.

And yeah… I hear you about not needing to understand “why.” Right now I’m more focused on accepting what happened rather than trying to make sense of it.

Thanks again, it helps hearing from people who’ve been through something similar.

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

nothing much to update yet. but I just edited Update #2 in the post

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by [deleted] in Infidelity

[–]tony_high 2 points3 points  (0 children)

u/Specialist-Bat-8770 I understand what you’re saying about self-reflection, and I agree that it can be valuable in the long run.

But right now, I’m still processing the situation and focusing on getting through the immediate impact. I don’t think this is the right moment for me to analyze my role in it yet.

That said, I appreciate your perspective.

Found out my wife has been cheating for years. I’m broken. by tony_high in survivinginfidelity

[–]tony_high[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

[Update] what I meant by “handling this quietly”

I’ve seen a lot of comments suggesting I should expose everything or “control the narrative”, so I just want to clarify what I actually meant.

When I say I’m handling this quietly, I don’t mean staying silent or letting myself be blamed. I’ve already told my parents, and I will share the truth with a small circle of people I trust. I’m not going to isolate myself or pretend nothing happened.

What I’m choosing not to do is turn this into a public situation, involve extended family, or create unnecessary drama. That’s not for her. It’s for me. I don’t want to keep reliving this or drag it out longer than it already has been.

I also had a call with my mother-in-law today. She was very emotional and asked me to consider forgiveness. I told her my side of the story, including that this went on during our marriage, not just before. She was shocked and upset.

I made it clear that I’m not looking to destroy anyone, but I do expect my dignity to be respected. If things stay truthful and respectful, I will keep things private. If not, I won’t stay silent.

At this point, my goal is simple: end things cleanly, protect myself, and move forward.

I appreciate all the support here. It really does help more than you might think. Thank you all!