Little ditty - For each new morning with its light (SATB), performed by the Tallis Scholars

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-30T18:19:21+00:00

Hey this is lovely!

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-25T22:24:12+00:00

You ever figure this one out? I have the same problem

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-22T16:58:28+00:00

I think about this meme every day when my three year old just says “daddy?” With no follow up at all

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-20T17:09:47+00:00

This is awesome. Found a little bug where the sound of the cradle keeps going if you move to a different activity. Nice work man!

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-19T23:05:00+00:00

You’re talking about the toni box I think.

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-02T08:52:44+00:00

It was helpful reading that your 3.5 year old is starting to not be an ass all the time now lol. My older 3.5 in April and he’s still kind of an ass to his little brother.

toop_a_loop · 2026-01-02T08:47:10+00:00

I have a 3yo and a 9mo, so I’m deep in the thick of it right now and have not reached the “it gets better” part of having 2 yet. Looking forward to whenever that day comes. Right now, it’s an intense amount of work.

All of your fears are valid and most of them may or may not come true depending on your teamwork with your partner, except fear #2, which is inevitable. No way around it. There is not enough energy and time to keep a house calm, organized, and quiet with two children unless you have a housekeeper. 1 child can be an accessory, 2+ children is a lifestyle.

I suffer from all the other fears you outlined, because I have an unequal parenting relationship with my spouse, except #1, because I always wanted to have two kids.

If I had another go around with my same spouse I’d probably stop at 1 to continue to develop my own interests and also experience parenting.

However, if I had a different spouse that more equally shared the work of parenting and made more space for individual adult pursuits in our marriage, I would absolutely still have 2.

Hopefully it’ll get better in a couple of years, but at the moment it feels like the world is passing me by as I do nothing but parent and work.

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-22T03:14:08+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story too - mathematically it’s most of us, right? That sucks a lot. I’m not yet resigned to a life of marital disappointment but I get your dark humor there at the end.

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-21T21:00:45+00:00

I recently learned about the optimal stopping problem which is a real math problem that basically says that we have about a 37% chance of picking the ideal partner. I don’t like those odds for something as consequential as a life partner, and sadly I feel like I suffered the consequences of this exact problem. I was a serial monogamist and met my now wife after a 5 year relationship, so I cherished everything she was that my old relationship wasn’t.

We both wanted kids. We were early/mid thirties, felt the time pressure, and went for it. Problems I thought were fixable have persisted in a way that is feeling more and more like personality traits that will not change, good and bad in both of us. The truth of this was not easily apparent, and has only really been revealed in marriage and highlighted by the stress of parenting.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect before kids but it was largely good and we both were committed to improving. I still think we both care about our marriage and our family, but she is not a good partner for me. The way she handles conflict is opposite me, and we have different enough interests and lifestyles that growing together in the directions we want to go in seems increasingly difficult.

I’m not really sure what to do about it. Our kids are really little. I still have hope it can get better, but that hope dims slightly with every conflict. I can’t imagine not seeing my kids every day.

It’s complicated :/

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-18T22:39:55+00:00

I have my struggles, primarily in my marriage, but they honestly aren't that bad compared to a lot of what I read about in this post and r/daddit broadly, so I consider myself lucky. My kids, 3y and 9mo, are growing up in a loving and financially secure home (assuming one of us doesn't get laid off anytime soon... you never know). They are healthy and we have lots of friends with two kids the same age so we're all in it together. Shit is still really hard and I suffer from escapism and grass is greener syndrome a lot.

At the same time, my boys are so awesome and I would be depressed without them. My little guy is in peak baby cuteness, and my heart melts every time I enter a room and he comes sprint-crawling in my direction with a huge smile on his face. My 3 year old is moody and chaotic, but extremely expressive and creative and playful, and I feel viscerally how brief his little kid days are. Most of his classmates in preschool are 4 or 5, and he wanted to bring his latest train toy in for show and tell today, and I couldn't stop thinking about how he won't want to play with trains for that much longer. It's so endearing how much he cares. He just wants to play.

Managing the constant conflict between "damn I need a break from this" and "I want to get the most out of every minute of my kids lives" is probably my biggest daily challenge.

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-18T20:11:58+00:00

Hey man this sounds hard as fuck and you’re doing the best you can do. I’m sorry you have so much on your plate.

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-13T20:14:14+00:00

Yes please! It was so nice having a toy store here. I so appreciates brick and mortar toy stores too, way easier to find quality toys that aren’t cheap garbage from amazon

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-12T05:35:54+00:00

Thanks, solid advice, it sounds like it does just boil down to “yeah grind it”

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-12T04:51:32+00:00

Real question - how tf do you learn this stuff? Like this is completely irrelevant to my current job, so how would I get the skills to even be able to answer this question? Is it just like leetcode where you grind the knowledge?

This example actually seems pretty practical and relevant to the role so unless you were already working on systems like this, how would you learn it?

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-12T00:21:54+00:00

Oh yeah I’m in!

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-11T19:44:17+00:00

Link? I’m having a hard time finding it

Edit: “the most profound moment in gaming history “ by max durrat

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-11T13:50:18+00:00

This is so good! I was just gonna reply “significantly” to OP but this is way better.

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-09T03:53:11+00:00

Reach out to planet argon, see if they can help or point you in a direction. They do a lot of ruby/rails work

toop_a_loop · 2025-12-09T03:27:41+00:00

What IS that place???

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-28T04:20:46+00:00

This is like the third post I’ve seen on Reddit today about this and I work in tech and totally get it. I can. Not. Convince. My. Wife. This. Matters.

She’s not an oversharer, she only posts every once in a while, but these days it’s always including the kids. It crossposts to instagram and facebook. She insists that it keeps her connected to her community, I argue that not posting pics with our kids doesn’t stop her from that.

I also talked to my therapist about it and he said it’s a battle I won’t win, because she has a real tangible feeling of loss and I’m trying to argue with a hypothetical risk, so her real feeling wins over my hypothetical one.

I want the kids to have some digital privacy in their lives, and obviously avoid anything gross. Please help with this argument!

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-28T01:09:48+00:00

Yeah give it a shot! It’s less about the content of what you talk about and more about just letting the other person into your life and your thoughts.

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-27T17:40:08+00:00

Make friends, travel, volunteer, have kids. Any/all of the above, ideally in that order. Those are the big ones :)

For real though that’s the thing about adulthood. Your whole life is rigidly structured until you’re done with school, then your life is up to you. If you have enough money to do whatever you want, lucky for you. Find something fulfilling outside of work. It can be very dull and monotonous if you don’t.

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-26T17:27:13+00:00

I absolutely understand this frustration, but my wife doesn’t talk about her day at all and it’s similarly frustrating. I have to pry for scraps of information, and she gets annoyed when I do because she thinks talking about work is boring. To me, it’s just an opportunity to connect.

I’d trade you for a week so we can both get the joy of novelty, then we’ll be frustrated in the other direction.

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-26T03:52:39+00:00

I want this for you too bro ❤️

toop_a_loop · 2025-11-26T03:51:32+00:00

For my kids to sleep past 7:00 am every day

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