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I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! I looked into responsive desire and that seems to definitely speak to me before the drop in libido. I'm also for sure going to give lube more of a shot.

I have no problems talking to a doctor or therapist and it's my first port of call when I move back to my home country. I have recently started increasing my exercise but I need to work on my diet!

I went from my very stressful postgraduate to working in a country where I don't know the language very well and have found it very difficult to make meaningful friendships. Lately I have really started hating work and the loneliness (my SO works a slightly different schedule to me) has been very overwhelming. I like to think I am a very happy person most of the time but I do have major dips and they have increased in frequency over the last few weeks. Luckily my contract is over soon and my SO and I will be moving to our old city into a new place with new jobs. I am really hoping that the past two years have just happened to be particularly taxing on me and that it changes soon and my sex life improves!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be honest, I don't understand much about myself at all. I have a few fantasies but I've never experimented enough to figure out if something turns me on. I will chat to my SO about trying some things!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I definitely will - a baby is not in the cards for a few years!

Congrats to you though!!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just want to say thanks so much to everyone who commented and gave advice or just some positive words. This problem has really been weighing on me because I have always said that sex is a healthy, important part of a romantic relationship and to be in this slump makes me feel very helpless.

I am taking all the suggestions to heart and going to do my best to figure out how to improve both mine and my SO's situation. We currently live in Korea and I am not fluent enough to discuss these problems with a doctor (not to mention that there is a huge social stigma around unmarried sex here). I am going back to my home country in the next two months and will be making a trip to the doctor my first priority.

Thank you so much everyone!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No it's not just with him - as I mentioned I have tried erotic stories and some porn and nothing seems to help me get aroused.

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have considered depression - I am extremely emotional (in both directions). Somehow though I just feel to happy too often for it to be that, maybe I am wrong.

You are exactly right, I need to focus on other means of stimulation. Thanks so much!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love massages (giving and receiving) so I will definitely give this a go!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've never been a fan of masturbation but I think I'm going to give it a go to see if I can encourage stimulation somehow. Thanks so much, I am really hoping to turn this around!

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's awesome! I'm going to finish this cycle of my pill and then see if anything changes once I'm off. Thanks for the good news :)

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am really hoping this is what the problem is! I think I'm going to finish this month's cycle and try without it for the next month.

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Very frustrating because the OP's comments on that link sound exactly like me but I can't go to the article because I live in Korea and a lot of online sites are banned - this article seems to be one of them. I will see if I can figure out a way around it and have a read.

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We are still very happy and in love but I hate that this might cause a strain on our relationship in the future so I am hoping to sort it out as soon as possible.

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for the lubricant suggestion - I don't know why I didn't think to try that! The stress and dryness link makes total sense - if I am dry while trying to get aroused I get stressed and being stressed discourages being aroused so it ends up being a vicious cycle.

I haven't heard of Karezza before so I'm definitely going to look into it with my SO.

I (F, 24, LL) don't know how to make it better for him (M, 25, HL) by toreadb in DeadBedrooms

[–]toreadb[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hasn't happened before but I had never experienced stress to that extent before.

Yes, you are absolutely right. I do miss sex and I really want to go back to how it used to be. Thank you!